for a moment I had the second thought that this post should go in the Relationships category, but there is no relationship there.
Some months ago I was very upset about this friend, and I think there is a post somewhere with the whole story, anyway: there was this guy who was always very available and we had a terrific time together, he was in a relationship so it was very proper, only meet in public places, or with other people, a couple times he came to visit when I was sick, it seemed there was something solid there. I had the feeling that he liked me, but he never did anything to suggest another agenda, for one year and a half at least. Last year, maybe September, he kissed me on the mouth in the middle of the street, then he insisted that he was doing that with several friends (which I asked around, can even be possible in this country), but then he was completely indifferent to my being upset about it, which I didn't find nice at all. After a month or so I decided to believe him, but he must have still had some subterranean issue with me because he introduced me to some people (who could actually have given me a job) as a loser who "flunked her previous job". After this episode I kind of let him go, also remembering at least 4 occasions in which he wasn't supportive of my projects or discretely put me down.
Also, in case there was some sexual tension, I am not the "secret lover" kind and he has been for so many years in a really unhealthy relationship, so I didn't have a lot of esteem for him as a lover or someone someone capable of true commitment, so I decided to leave him and his companion alone, especially after they finally had a baby at age 52.
Anyway, after the "loser" faux pas he apologized, once, and then we didn't speak again, but I sent him Christmas greetings (unpersonal) as I do to all my work-related contacts.
Sorry for the long story: anyway last week he wrote to ask if it was time that we could have coffee again, and he suggested he bring his toddler child, so it was clearly along the lines : let's act like nothing happens. I found an excuse to refuse and today he wrote again.
I just can't stand anymore people ignoring my feelings and me having to act nice not to rock the boat, I don't want to see him unless he wants to have a heart to heart talk about "us", why he wanted to be my friend in the first place so that I can decide if I can trust him again.
The other possibility is that he is just a jerk (he seemed a very kind and thoughtful person, honestly) who likes to put down women and as a lonely sensitive person I am generally seen as easy pray for that.
Now I don't know what to do: do I tell him that I need to talk in order to renew this friendship? Or do I just let it go and don't answer?
Am I being too dramatic? I just can't have ambiguous and impersonal friendships, I already have my family for that :-/ . But, the way my family used to tell me, there is always the nagging feeling that I ask too much of people. Is that too much to have a relationship in which you are honest with each other?
Some months ago I was very upset about this friend, and I think there is a post somewhere with the whole story, anyway: there was this guy who was always very available and we had a terrific time together, he was in a relationship so it was very proper, only meet in public places, or with other people, a couple times he came to visit when I was sick, it seemed there was something solid there. I had the feeling that he liked me, but he never did anything to suggest another agenda, for one year and a half at least. Last year, maybe September, he kissed me on the mouth in the middle of the street, then he insisted that he was doing that with several friends (which I asked around, can even be possible in this country), but then he was completely indifferent to my being upset about it, which I didn't find nice at all. After a month or so I decided to believe him, but he must have still had some subterranean issue with me because he introduced me to some people (who could actually have given me a job) as a loser who "flunked her previous job". After this episode I kind of let him go, also remembering at least 4 occasions in which he wasn't supportive of my projects or discretely put me down.
Also, in case there was some sexual tension, I am not the "secret lover" kind and he has been for so many years in a really unhealthy relationship, so I didn't have a lot of esteem for him as a lover or someone someone capable of true commitment, so I decided to leave him and his companion alone, especially after they finally had a baby at age 52.
Anyway, after the "loser" faux pas he apologized, once, and then we didn't speak again, but I sent him Christmas greetings (unpersonal) as I do to all my work-related contacts.
Sorry for the long story: anyway last week he wrote to ask if it was time that we could have coffee again, and he suggested he bring his toddler child, so it was clearly along the lines : let's act like nothing happens. I found an excuse to refuse and today he wrote again.
I just can't stand anymore people ignoring my feelings and me having to act nice not to rock the boat, I don't want to see him unless he wants to have a heart to heart talk about "us", why he wanted to be my friend in the first place so that I can decide if I can trust him again.
The other possibility is that he is just a jerk (he seemed a very kind and thoughtful person, honestly) who likes to put down women and as a lonely sensitive person I am generally seen as easy pray for that.
Now I don't know what to do: do I tell him that I need to talk in order to renew this friendship? Or do I just let it go and don't answer?
Am I being too dramatic? I just can't have ambiguous and impersonal friendships, I already have my family for that :-/ . But, the way my family used to tell me, there is always the nagging feeling that I ask too much of people. Is that too much to have a relationship in which you are honest with each other?