DragonflytotheMoon
Well-known member
Hi, everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I couldn't find which sub forum was the most appropriate for this. This is part two of the other thread. Since I haven't heard from my friend. I had left off the part that, just before he went incommunicado, we started having a relationship. I'm thinking that he might be bi polar. I say that because he hasn't told me, but I've known other people who were, including a friend that I was in a relationship with for awhile. I've also talked about the new guy to a friend whose son is bi polar. She thinks that D probably is too.
I'm a stage 4 cancer patient, a multi abuse survivor & I had been in need of housing (until I moved in with one of my friends). For three months one of the local agencies put me up at a local motel. Before I stayed there my caseworker told me of another client who I had things in common with & that we'd probably make good friends. The funding ran out after three months, but D kept paying on his own for another few weeks. He didn't have any definite place to go after.
Over the time I was there D & I found that we were a lot alike. He also had had cancer & was in need of housing. We also shared some of the same trauma experiences, views, beliefs, interests. We mainly communicated by text. But, he was better at talking in person & by phone. A month after we had last seen each other we met up & our friendship developed into more.
He told me when we talked on the phone later that he believed we had the makings of a great relationship. That he was looking for a partner for the rest of his life. He's 66 & I'm 55. We grew closer over the next week. I asked him if he was surprised that our friendship had turned into a relationship. He said he wasn't. Because of our similarities it was inevitable. He believed that we had been brought together for a reason. I agreed. I felt we were to help each other heal & grow more. We've both done inner work.
Over the week I expressed some insecurity. It's one of the things I deal with. It's due to emotional abandonment growing up. It's gotten better. I told him how I felt & what I needed from him. He said that as long as we're honest & have compassion we'll be fine.
I know he was feeling stressed because he didn't know where he was going to be living. Unfortunately, the last few days we had contact his phone was acting up & he could only text. Which, as I mentioned, was not one of his strong suits. I couldn't see him in person because he didn't tell me where he was going to stay. A couple of days after I last saw him I stopped hearing from him.
I'm a life long depressive due to abuse. I also can get anxious at times. Both of those had really increased. Before our last contact I didn't know when I would be seeing him again. Even though he had assured me it would be most days because he'd be around filling out apps for places to live in this area. If he has been doing that, he hasn't reached out to me to meet. He hasn't reached out to me about anything.
My concern is I triggered him, unintentionally, by being insecure & needing reassurance. Of course, I know from past experience with my friend J that it didn't matter what I said or did. When he was at a certain point in his cycle, he'd push me away. My friends (especially the one whose son is bi polar) said that it was probably things going on with D, not me. That he was going from manic to depressive.
The thing is, though he told me he also deals with depression & anxiety, he never said anything about being bi polar. I suppose it's possible he's not aware of it. Or maybe he didn't feel he could tell me about it. It would have helped, though. Reflecting back on things he said & how he behaved, especially the week before he went MIA (since that's when we spent more time together), it would fit with him being bi polar.
Before feelings developed between us, I had been perfectly fine being on my own. Now I want to be in a committed relationship. But, only with him. Loving him the way I do is less about the wonderful things he said & how great he treated me & more to do with his energy. I have several friends I vibe well with, but he's the first person I've ever known that felt like home. Not having any idea if he's found a long term place to live, how is health is, if he's gotten a job or anything else is very upsetting.
Every few days I've left him a vm or sent a text or email. I did this for a month. Now I've stopped & the ball is in his court. I don't know if he's listened to or read any of the messages. I hope he has. I want us to be back together. For now, if nothing else, I just want to know he's ok. In the messages I don't cry, beg, yell, swear, berate, accuse, tell him I miss him, ask when I can hear from/see him. I tell him I'm sorry. I let him know I'm here for him. I remind him of the good things he's said & that we experienced together. What else can I do?
I'm a stage 4 cancer patient, a multi abuse survivor & I had been in need of housing (until I moved in with one of my friends). For three months one of the local agencies put me up at a local motel. Before I stayed there my caseworker told me of another client who I had things in common with & that we'd probably make good friends. The funding ran out after three months, but D kept paying on his own for another few weeks. He didn't have any definite place to go after.
Over the time I was there D & I found that we were a lot alike. He also had had cancer & was in need of housing. We also shared some of the same trauma experiences, views, beliefs, interests. We mainly communicated by text. But, he was better at talking in person & by phone. A month after we had last seen each other we met up & our friendship developed into more.
He told me when we talked on the phone later that he believed we had the makings of a great relationship. That he was looking for a partner for the rest of his life. He's 66 & I'm 55. We grew closer over the next week. I asked him if he was surprised that our friendship had turned into a relationship. He said he wasn't. Because of our similarities it was inevitable. He believed that we had been brought together for a reason. I agreed. I felt we were to help each other heal & grow more. We've both done inner work.
Over the week I expressed some insecurity. It's one of the things I deal with. It's due to emotional abandonment growing up. It's gotten better. I told him how I felt & what I needed from him. He said that as long as we're honest & have compassion we'll be fine.
I know he was feeling stressed because he didn't know where he was going to be living. Unfortunately, the last few days we had contact his phone was acting up & he could only text. Which, as I mentioned, was not one of his strong suits. I couldn't see him in person because he didn't tell me where he was going to stay. A couple of days after I last saw him I stopped hearing from him.
I'm a life long depressive due to abuse. I also can get anxious at times. Both of those had really increased. Before our last contact I didn't know when I would be seeing him again. Even though he had assured me it would be most days because he'd be around filling out apps for places to live in this area. If he has been doing that, he hasn't reached out to me to meet. He hasn't reached out to me about anything.
My concern is I triggered him, unintentionally, by being insecure & needing reassurance. Of course, I know from past experience with my friend J that it didn't matter what I said or did. When he was at a certain point in his cycle, he'd push me away. My friends (especially the one whose son is bi polar) said that it was probably things going on with D, not me. That he was going from manic to depressive.
The thing is, though he told me he also deals with depression & anxiety, he never said anything about being bi polar. I suppose it's possible he's not aware of it. Or maybe he didn't feel he could tell me about it. It would have helped, though. Reflecting back on things he said & how he behaved, especially the week before he went MIA (since that's when we spent more time together), it would fit with him being bi polar.
Before feelings developed between us, I had been perfectly fine being on my own. Now I want to be in a committed relationship. But, only with him. Loving him the way I do is less about the wonderful things he said & how great he treated me & more to do with his energy. I have several friends I vibe well with, but he's the first person I've ever known that felt like home. Not having any idea if he's found a long term place to live, how is health is, if he's gotten a job or anything else is very upsetting.
Every few days I've left him a vm or sent a text or email. I did this for a month. Now I've stopped & the ball is in his court. I don't know if he's listened to or read any of the messages. I hope he has. I want us to be back together. For now, if nothing else, I just want to know he's ok. In the messages I don't cry, beg, yell, swear, berate, accuse, tell him I miss him, ask when I can hear from/see him. I tell him I'm sorry. I let him know I'm here for him. I remind him of the good things he's said & that we experienced together. What else can I do?
