My nature is... disgusting and sinful...

[user 190541]

Probably more towards an impersonal architect God, not the being of the Abrahamic religions who creates billions of souls just to see them tortured in the post-mortem state.

I'm following the tradition according to which it is customary to refer to those "philosophic gods" of pre-Christian thinkers as God. For example, a fragment from Diogenes of Apollonia's On Nature states the following: "and to me it seems that it is possessed of intelligence that which men call air, and that all things are governed by it, and that it has power over all of them. For this is exactly what I understand God is, (that) which embraces all, deals with all and is within all...".

 

[4No1]

Well, did you ask him what he suggest?
But to be honest, I dunno, I read your love rules and they are mostly for you...

sometimes I want to enjoy life however, my fella feels like my nature is sinful and the more time he spends happy with me unmarried the more we are turning away from god is the issue. So I am hoping getting married will just solve it like he says it will but sometimes he makes me feel not good enough or like I disgust him, you know?

Will you be happy not enjoying life? I don't believe in sinful nature and how exactly getting married is going to change it all? If he makes you feel not good, I don't like it to tell the truth, I don't think it's a good thing. Can you discuss it?

I assume he's a man of science, or at least math, to have made all that money.
And the more STEM-inclined a person is, the more they tend to be atheists, because they need proof to believe things. They don't really believe in things like faith, and especially not pseudo-science and magic.

Sorry, a bit of offtopic.
People who make money should know how to make money, not math. Who do you take as STEM-people? Do you know any? I know a few people DSc(in math/physics) I don't know if it's STEM for you, but I know they can't make money, hardly get as much as a cashier for example. Pelerman(I don't know him of course) lives in poverty.
And I know there are some rich people, who don't know at least math, but they know how to make other people work for them and how to sell smth, or just have rich parents, etc, etc. My ex-boss is not good in math, neither in coding, but he can sell himself very well, even better.
Some scientists believe in some kind of faith/god, both in quantum physics(imo it's a kind of magic by itself) and god, maybe not in a classical way(those I talked to), but still. As well as some IT-people. Among well-know Max Plunc, Max Born, Niels Bohr and others were already mentioned
Also money doesn't make you happy, serotonin does. I know happy poor people. Though sometimes I think if I had a lot of money, I would be happy, but I know the truth is that I would be still unhappy, just about other things.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Human nature is not YOUR nature. You just ARE a human.
But I do agree that he should learn to talk to you about it in a way that is neither accusatory nor insulting.
The best way to troubleshoot problems in a relationship is to just mutually depersonalize the problem.
Starting to do that begins with both parties acknowledging that they still want the relationship.
From there it's a matter of working your way backwards.
Kind of like unwinding a really big knot of mixed up wires or cables.
I'm no pro stagehand, but I'm decent enough at my capabilities given my experiences.
It has to be approached mechanically and from a problem-solving stance.
If either person gets their feelings too involved in the discussion than it very quickly gets derailed and turns a problem-solving and troubleshooting situation into just yet another compounding argument on top of the already larger pile of jilted feelings.
This requires both an equal temperament of developmental critical thinking skills and development of emotional intelligence enough to know how to be able to displace your own feelings in the moment for the sake of a more commonly or mutually-desired approach to the overall problem.
Fault and guilt are less relevant than the fact that both people acknowledge that they still want a relationship together. You can work out the hard parts gradually and later by simply acknowledging that there are issues to be worked upon to begin with.
But if he's making you feel unwanted, than that's something that he needs to work on along with figuring out how to better articulate and correlate the contents of his heart.

In all honesty Apexiee I have this friend who literally like.. toilets on herself... randomly for her partner to clean up... I find it rather odd, no shes not disabled in any way in reality but she feels like she is mentally and so she ... you know.. anyway... her dynamic and mine is a little similar, her partner met her, understanding thats who she is. Whenever he gets fed up of her doing that, she reminds him... that's who he asked to be in a relationship with. The difference is I want to change... I really do...I want to be better soo badly, but when I cant and he gets so mad, I feel like... why ask to be with me, if the me right now isnt who you want... we both want me to be better but it's a process, it's a struggle, I might struggle forever and ever more... I just want him to love me properly through the struggle, but that... is pulling him away from god in his view.

Well, did you ask him what he suggest?
But to be honest, I dunno, I read your love rules and they are mostly for you...

Will you be happy not enjoying life? I don't believe in sinful nature and how exactly getting married is going to change it all? If he makes you feel not good, I don't like it to tell the truth, I don't think it's a good thing. Can you discuss it?

I hope it will but truthfully, I have no idea how marriage is gonna fix me, or make things better, I just trust Rob that it will. I know we will have 1 child after marriage and i'm hoping that going through a physical journey to motherhood will make me a better person.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

In all honesty Apexiee I have this friend who literally like.. toilets on herself... randomly for her partner to clean up... I find it rather odd, no shes not disabled in any way in reality but she feels like she is mentally and so she ... you know.. anyway... her dynamic and mine is a little similar, her partner met her, understanding thats who she is. Whenever he gets fed up of her doing that, she reminds him... that's who he asked to be in a relationship with. The difference is I want to change... I really do...I want to be better soo badly, but when I cant and he gets so mad, I feel like... why ask to be with me, if the me right now isnt who you want... we both want me to be better but it's a process, it's a struggle, I might struggle forever and ever more... I just want him to love me properly through the struggle, but that... is pulling him away from god in his view.

That's what's called a Little, and is a kink dynamic thing. Psychologically speaking Age Regression is part of it, it's a PTSD response, although few people actually understand it as that. I understand it as that because I've met people and have talked to them about it. Most kinks come from some sort of deep-seeded insecurity or psychological dysfunction, it's actually pretty normal. There is a whole psychological factor to people as to why they are the way that they are. Littles are a bit much for me personally, but that's not at all to invalidate her, rather she has to go and find her Daddy type who's into the same sort of thing dynamically. And yes, "take me as I am" is a valid status for both men and women alike. While everybody wants self-improvement to some extent or another, it's valid to want to be loved and respected during your struggles on the road to getting there as well. Everyone's faith is also different though, a dude like me would probably seem like the Antichrist to Rob, lol. But I digress, my point is that it's fine for him to feel the way that he does, but he should probably try to work on a way of talking about it objectively with you so that it doesn't feel or seem accusatory or upsetting to you. While most people are fine with practical and constructive criticism, learning how to actually give practical and constructive criticism is a skill of its own. There's a sensitivity to people with that, a consideration that needs to be acknowledged. Your partner should want to help you with your struggles, not add an additional struggle to the struggles that you already have and, how you word yourself and articulate yourself when conveying how you feel to your partner, is a huge factor in the make-or-break of rather you can work with this or not.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's what's called a Little, and is a kink dynamic thing. Psychologically speaking Age Regression is part of it, it's a PTSD response, although few people actually understand it as that. I understand it as that because I've met people and have talked to them about it. Most kinks come from some sort of deep-seeded insecurity or psychological dysfunction, it's actually pretty normal. There is a whole psychological factor to people as to why they are the way that they are. Littles are a bit much for me personally, but that's not at all to invalidate her, rather she has to go and find her Daddy type who's into the same sort of thing dynamically. And yes, "take me as I am" is a valid status for both men and women alike. While everybody wants self-improvement to some extent or another, it's valid to want to be loved and respected during your struggles on the road to getting there as well. Everyone's faith is also different though, a dude like me would probably seem like the Antichrist to Rob, lol. But I digress, my point is that it's fine for him to feel the way that he does, but he should probably try to work on a way of talking about it objectively with you so that it doesn't feel or seem accusatory or upsetting to you. While most people are fine with practical and constructive criticism, learning how to actually give practical and constructive criticism is a skill of its own. There's a sensitivity to people with that, a consideration that needs to be acknowledged. Your partner should want to help you with your struggles, not add an additional struggle to the struggles that you already have and, how you word yourself and articulate yourself when conveying how you feel to your partner, is a huge factor in the make-or-break of rather you can work with this or not.

I deffo agree with you Apexi, the thing I love about Rob is theres nothing fake about him... if he's unhappy with anything I do... I stop, no arguments. This issue is different though, he doesnt want me to stop but to gauge with no guide. I feel like a man trying to work out how to ask a woman for her number that I dont know lol Theres no guide. I also think the fact that he knows my past of mind games and manipulation he also feels that he needs to be on guard so he looks for things that just arent there.

 

[Punisher]

He's my world, I haven't done him justice but the love I have for him is insane. Like I want to be a better person for god and to be someone he can be proud of, you know? I hate how my flaws impact the relationship, I've come so far... the original members know I was in a terrible way when I first joined, messing with a married man and stuff. I am a way better person now, but it's like my past causes doubt.

I don't know you, you don't know me, but I said what I see. Your "friends" on here need to be more honest with you, and tell you what they see, because I know I am not the only one to see it. Stay safe.

 

[TheRealCallie]

because I know I am not the only one to see it.

You're not, but it's all been said before. This isn't the first thread where red flags were seen. I wouldn't go as far as what you said, but yeah, it definitely seems to be a toxic relationship.

Sorry Ceno. I know you likely don't want to hear that, but I've been there, done that and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Love doesn't conquer all.

 

[user 190541]

Honestly, I don't think marriage is gonna solve anything. Probably the opposite. The way I see it, it would be best to leave him be for some time. Maybe that way he can come to a favorable decision and things can work out in the end, but even he doesn't, that still beats being in a toxic relationship/going after someone who doesn't value you the same way as you value them (or who may be losing interest for whatever reason). I've been in this position of pursuing a relationship with someone who was unsure of what they wanted, and even if, in the heat of the moment, we want to put in a lot of effort for things to eventually work out, upon careful consideration you'll find that it is a lot better not to overdo things. Some things are, after all, the prerrogative of others, not of us.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

This thread stressed me out

 

[user 150037]

I'm not sure what more i could add - everybody on here has voiced sufficient opinions.

I guess the ultimate question is what were you hoping to get out of this discussion, Ceno?

Were you hoping people would say that theres nothing wrong with this guy and you should stick with him? Or were you wanting to be convinced that hes no good for you and that you should walk away?

In the end its up to you. All i can personally say is i hope you make the decision that is best for your emotional wellbeing.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This thread stressed me out

I'm sorry for my contribution to that.
I've been very angry/emotional lately, in a pessimistic headspace (which I guess I always am, but still).
What I said was less about you and Rob, and more about my own life.

For the record I don't think your nature is disgusting and sinful. I'm not a kinky person, not really a libertine in any way, but I do think physicality is part of a relationship, and I do see how it can make you feel rejected if you're made to feel like that part of you is "bad", and I can see how that can hurt.

 

[user 150037]

Ceno you are clearly worried if youre a good person or not - this shows you are good. Bad people dont give a crap if theyre bad.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Awh guys none of you particularly stressed me out its my situation I should have put that…
All I want from anyone one here is the truth, a joke, hell even derail the thread I have no rules thanks for the responses not required but deffo appreciated

 

[ardour]

I'm sure others also get the impression of this man trying to break your self-esteem so that he can be in the controlling position in the relationship. I think, in addition to this , you may also be seeking out something doomed to fail.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm sure others also get the impression of this man trying to break your self-esteem so that he can be in the controlling position in the relationship. I think, in addition to this , you may also be seeking out something doomed to fail.

Ardour… break my self-esteem? It’s already shattered he’s lifted me up

 

[movinggirl]

If he feels you take him from the Lord, that is his problem to bear. Those are his thoughts, his problems., not yours. It is his choice to stay in this relationship, all his doing. Are you holding a gun to his head? He's a big boy.

 

[user 190848]

Ranting, venting, no need to respond but this fight literally just happened last night and I have been up all night just stewing....

So the ultimate difference between my fella and me is I think he pushes me closer to god and he thinks I pull him away.
My partner told me since being with me he feels like my nature is pulling him away from god. This broke my heart.
We both follow the lord, my partner feels because I am a woman, I am a temptress and he feels I enjoy making him a hypocrite.

I do not enjoy such negative things, however, I have been happy he changed his mind on certain things but I never knew changing your mind made you a hypocrite.
He tells me he feels forced to change his mind about things when he knows he shouldn't because of how tempting I am and that he often experiences guilt.
The guilt he feels is intense and he said he turned off his phone all day because he didnt want to talk to me...

In all honesty, I didnt notice that he spoke to me less that day, I was probably too busy thinking about myself, and I take accountability for that.
I feel hurt he turned his phone off instead of talking to me about whatever it is I am doing wrong.
Then I felt angry when he told me what I was doing wrong because it's like im literally not doing anything.
So one example is, I was sitting on a pillow/bean bag on my knees with my head on his lap watching a movie, he felt like I sat in that way because I was implying I worship him and other things... I was genuinely just chilling... I have noooo idea what he's talking about. I cant do anything without it meaning im implying some sort of sin like worship or tempting him to lust.

The next time we watched a film, I tried to be mindful, I wore a furry robe and sat on a recliner by myself... so now you're thinking "Perfect! You understood what he wanted Ceno, you gave him space and covered up".... Wrong!!! Then he said I was punishing him... like wtf... is this man trying to make me angry? So I said something mean to him, I shouldnt have, I wont say what but it was really uncalled for and I hate myself for saying what I said. I literally was being immature and sad that I feel so confused about what I am doing wrong.

We are getting married soon and I am scared... like maybe I cant be a good wife, it's like I'm made to be bad or something, I dont know how to just be normal. Everything I do is so... suggestive, everything I say, this has been a complaint about by everyone that knows me. The person who makes me feel so pure, feels so toxic when with me, it's like I ruin everything I touch. I dont know...

I think spiritual bypassing a possibility here.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

If he feels you take him from the Lord, that is his problem to bear. Those are his thoughts, his problems., not yours. It is his choice to stay in this relationship, all his doing. Are you holding a gun to his head? He's a big boy.

I just wanna make my man happy but im a curse lol being spoilt today though so…. I must be doing something right

I think spiritual bypassing a possibility here.

Hmm gonna deep dive this on google tonight

 

[homelessincheshire]

This is some serious mental warfare ....