Why is it so hard to get out of loneliness?

I'm not sure what it is about mornings. I get up and my mind starts racing and I realise that I'm just not getting anywhere with meeting new people. I hate comparing my situation to others. I sometimes think to myself life hasn't changed in the last few years like im stuck in some loop and when I try and put myself out there, when I talk to people when I attend whatever meetups or things that are going on. I'm still a complete loner.

When I take a step back I realise I have changed in some ways but I think some echoes of what I was before are still there. Like some parts like why i'm still single and why I can't make friends that hasn't changed much at all... I hate that feeling. I just dont know how to stop it, as sometimes I realise all I've accomplished especially in the last year or so.

I never wanted to be normal but sometimes I think just not being able to think further than what I'm doing this week would have some benefits.

I feel isolated like i'm here to go through life alone for good. Or [/i]I might just be having a bad morning...

Hello Wanderer145-I feel pretty much the same way as you do. Mornings can be hard-for a few seconds after waking up things are ok, then the loneliness and any other problems crash down on you once again.
You said that you have accomplished a lot in the past year-can you try to hold on to that when the loneliness takes you over in the mornings?
I share your feeling that maybe I am meant to go through life alone as I am having very little luck in meeting a partner.

Yeah, I totally understand what you feel and what you're going through.

I've changed very much in the past two years or so. For example I've become much more sociable and I actually started going to slightly more gatherings of people etc. but I still feel very lonely very often and I cannot find a partner.
Most mornings when I wake up the fact that I'm so lonely hits me after a few seconds or minutes and you can tell it's going to be a shitty day.

Sometimes I also panic when I realise that I am not planning anything for the week and I am not going to meet new people. It's like life is passing me by. And then I see my friends and other people and how they go to all these meet ups and get to know other people and find partners and I just cannot figure out how they are doing that.

I'm not sure about you but I haven't been very social when I was a kid and I guess this is the behaviour that kind of stuck with me and will be with me forever. For people like us it's going to be more difficult to go out and meet other people. It's also probably how you approach others. If you're more of a quiet person people will not notice you and not invite to anything.

But maybe it's also because sometimes it's difficult to become friends with others. You have to get along and that's actually extremely non-trivial and the only thing you can do is persevere. And this is the problem. Loneliness and the realisation of loneliness puts you in a position where it becomes really hard to get out there and be sociable. It is a vicious circle of some sorts.

I realized something yesterday when I came across this picture on my facebook, one of my friend liked it https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/aa/c8/fb/aac8fb7cd8d5d3aa7aa553c1288255c8.jpg

What stuck out to me was that guy on the left. See how he is not upbeat or lively? Now, think back on all the groups that exist. You'd find someone just like him, am I right? And he (or could be a she as well, not limited to males) is accepted just like everyone else despite not being the fun, outgoing, and lively person. I think a big part of all our problems is that we put this "popularity" on a pedestal (oh, haven't we heard that before? "Putting her on the pedestal"). That kind of thinking and expectations leads to behavior that is in the end, destructive.

Be who you are. If you're quiet, then stay quiet. Still go out to meet ups, though. What do I do at meetups? I eat quietly. I eat and eat and eat and sooner or later people notice that all I do is eat (and then conversation begins). See how I turned the spotlight to me? Being loud and outgoing isn't the only way to get attention. Oh, and I listen. I pay attention to what people talk about so that I can properly respond (when the time comes). People don't want to get involved with others that only care about themselves.

No, I'm not preaching. I'm just sharing what worked for me.

I used to wake up in a morning and my first thought was 'my life is so honeysuckle'
Every day. I wanted a job and a girlfriend. Found both very hard to find.
Luckily I have had a job for the last 17 years and it's a good job.
Almost straight away after getting the job, I stopped thinking about how crap my life was.

I'm in the same boat too. I agree that loneliness does tend to create its own reinforcement and after a while it becomes very difficult to get out of. For me its lying in bed at night when things get to me - not great for sleeping. Being isolated makes socialising more difficult and pressured experience, at least for me and causes me anxiety. It can sometimes make you feel like your under a spotlight being judged or feel like you really need to 'succeed' rather than enjoying it for what it is. It's also difficult not to internalise the reasons for our loneliness and blame and criticise ourselves which further deepens the situation.

I'm pretty much in the same boat right now. I wake up and feel very lonely, I have no friends to hang out with or no place to go too during the day. Pretty much keep myself busy during the days so I'm not bored. It's very difficult to get myself out of bed sometimes and there's even times where I'll pass out in the middle of the day cause I'm so bored. So trust me I know where you're coming from.

I came back to read this as it's 7 in the morning on a weekend and I can't sleep...woke up in near darkness and silence. Im so tired of doing this everyday. I'm just thinking about how I'm going to end the day back here not any happier and just a miserable mess. Not like it hasn't been any different for the past couple years. Kind of irritated it's been setback after setback, work, life, love. Even though nothing will change even a little today I have to get up and try, just would be nice to see some progress sometime. Feels like no one but my family gives a fresia about me.

I wonder if your family could help ease the pain of loneliness for you. Sometimes with a family it becomes a lot easier to not feel so lonely, and maybe their presence, love, and care can help give you the strength to improve your state of mind.

looking glass said:

If you're more of a quiet person people will not notice you and not invite to anything.

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Isn't that the truth? People will tell you they don't mind if you are quiet or shy but at the same time have no trouble overlooking you when there is something going on. Happens to me all the time.

Being loud and outgoing isn't the only way to get attention. Oh, and I listen. I pay attention to what people talk about so that I can properly respond (when the time comes). People don't want to get involved with others that only care about themselves.

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Regumika is correct. This statement is so good that it should be printed out and carried with people at all times.

Have you ever tried signing up for activities you may find interesting in your free time? (If you have some). That could group you up with others with others who like that same activity, and could probably have more in common with you. Also, doing something with someone makes it easier to forge a friendship.

Mr. M said:

Have you ever tried signing up for activities you may find interesting in your free time? (If you have some). That could group you up with others with others who like that same activity, and could probably have more in common with you. Also, doing something with someone makes it easier to forge a friendship.

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Hey this is like you stealing my lines here! really its something I usually could have come up with (and did on some occasions) ...but...however its sound advice I'm never that good at practicing what I preach

Have to admitt sometimes thinking about joining such activities, be it workshops or other places where the threshold is relatively low, to meet and socialize with (new) people, but never going through with it eventually. Perhaps its unrealistic expecting to just meet people out in the open the way I did when I was younger (its easy to meet new people when your allready part of a group) but I just cant shake the feeling that joining some workshop or similair, just to meet people, seems superficial and 'forced'.

The one getting it is me :club: and the one with the club is also me

McDamned said:

Have to admitt sometimes thinking about joining such activities, be it workshops or other places where the threshold is relatively low, to meet and socialize with (new) people, but never going through with it eventually. Perhaps its unrealistic expecting to just meet people out in the open the way I did when I was younger (its easy to meet new people when your allready part of a group) but I just cant shake the feeling that joining some workshop or similair, just to meet people, seems superficial and 'forced'.

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This kind of makes sense to me. I have the belief that people don't give a **** about meeting you anyway.

BeyondShy said:

I have the belief that people don't give a **** about meeting you anyway.

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They do if they are 'me' Because despite of my not all too good overall experiences I really love people, be it not everyone but in general and genuinely. So I figure if I'm this loving person going about caring about others surely there have to be (some) others like me. In truth I havent met that many (yet) though did on some occasions and which gives/gave me hope and somewhat of a belief.

McDamned said:

BeyondShy said:

I have the belief that people don't give a **** about meeting you anyway.

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They do if they are 'me' Because despite of my not all too good overall experiences I really love people, be it not everyone but in general and genuinely. So I figure if I'm this loving person going about caring about others surely there have to be (some) others like me. In truth I havent met that many (yet) though did on some occasions and which gives/gave me hope and somewhat of a belief.

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Isn't that nice? You make me feel so much better.

Bye now.

BeyondShy said:

Isn't that nice? You make me feel so much better.

Bye now.

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Hahaha

So in advance you allready dismiss the fact that 'we' are not all alike can only imagine how hard it must be to get through to anyone with such a mindset.

McDamned said:

Hahaha

So in advance you allready dismiss the fact that 'we' are not all alike can only imagine how hard it must be to get through to anyone with such a mindset.

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Is there anyone else you can find to go and insult? I believe people don't give a **** about anybody and because I didn't agree with you, you insult me and show your true colors.

Yeah, you love people. Like a snake.

...wow...even more friendliness...

...wait I'll do it myself...from me :club: to me..


Your wrong about the insult btw, such was never the case, it was just an observation.

McDamned said:

Your wrong about the insult btw, such was never the case, it was just an observation.

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Ok, I'll take your word for it.

I've been having some bad thoughts about loneliness. Its still so hard to get out of...why things dont work out like they are supposed to and have for most people around me, makes me think I'm just not supposed to be here. Its insanely difficult to meet a new partner, its just as hard to get a new job or a job i actually want to do...i feel like a child that is unable to function normally like the rest of the world does..think im going through a severe patch of loneliness..need someone to just listen.