Abandoned

[ZynischeWirklichkeit]

Last year, I attempted college. My friend Kevin also went there. I had to quit college in two weeks. So, I moved back home. Ever since then, my friend Kevin has stopped talking to me. I share some mutual friends with him. Kevin has also stopped talking to his/our other friends too, not just me. So, he has not talked to me for almost a year now.

Now, please know, I love to be alone 98% of my time. I highly value solitude. However, I sometimes email my friends. There is the very rare occasion that I hang out with my friends. Well, I am remembering the times that I hung out with him. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends. I only liked him as a friend. I remember watching funny youtube videos with him. I remember the time he drove and we tried to get lost. I remember the time Kevin and I got invited to a ghetto BBQ.

I am so sad thinking about this stuff. He has abandoned me and his other friends. This is why I don't usually get attached to anyone in the first place. This is part of the reason that I am a loner. The other part is because of my mental disorders. Everything good comes to an end at some point. My heart feels like it was ripped out, stomped on, and then put through a wood chipper. I have a hard enough time trusting anyone in the first place and this happens to me. I have been crying everyday, grieving over my loss of a friend. I always wonder if my other "friends" are really my friends. Kevin does not realize how much he has hurt me.

Have you been abandoned by a friend? How do you cope with this?

 

[Okiedokes]

I am sorry for your loss first of all. Is there a way to contact him in another way you havent tried? I think one thing that may help you out a lot is realize that the problem is something with him and it wasn't anything about you. It was his choice that he made, and there must have been a good reason for this if he ditched you and his other friends. I am not sure how to cope with this and I apologize for this. I wish I had the answer to that. I think that places like this help to kind of vent and get reassurance that it wasn't your fault for instance.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sorry to read about that, Zyn. Yes.. it has happened before. It used to affect me pretty badly.. but I don't know, still does maybe.. try to talk myself out of it or get over it really, realising that nothing lasts forever (not that I know of) and people will bound to come and go. It's sad.. yeah.. I end up always kinda wallow in sadness for a bit but I know that I'll have to move on, if they can move on.. it's not worth beating yourself up over someone who doesn't care enough to stick around in your life.

It's your responsibility to make yourself happy.. so if this doesn't, then it's okay to feel sad and face reality, but try not to let it bring you down too much.

 

[Cavey]

I've lost several friends during my life; either they died, moved away or got married, but I've never really felt abandoned by them. There's very little I could do about the deaths, and the others were a gradual process of growing apart. However, I did feel like a part of me had been 'removed' and I'd feel pain from the loss. I don't know what eventually made the pain go away, but I know I took solace in the memories of the good times we'd spent together.

Please don't start thinking that your other friends will hurt you too or that "everything good comes to an end at some point". You'll only end up hurting yourself in the long run. I think we've just got to keep plodding through life and giving others the benefit of the doubt until they do something worthy of losing your trust.

I can understand your need for solitude. I suffer from some of the same 'problems' that you do, but without the delusions and I often feel that I need the time alone in order to get my thoughts and feelings straight in my head. I also feel that the people around me have an inability to understand how I am feeling and why I am feeling it, so I often keep myself to myself. That doesn't mean that I value my friendships any less and it's always nice to feel loved...

 

[painter's radio]

I may be reading this completely wrong here so forgive me if I am wrong or... just generally not very good

But perhaps Kevin is a bit like you and also values his solitude? Maybe he feels like people don't care about him... his friends... you... you prefer to be alone and rarely socialise with them so perhaps it is hard for him to know how you feel about him, and how sad it makes you that things got like this? He knows you of course, but does he understand you? Have you told him what you told us?

Over the past few years I grew out of all my interests and as such drifted apart from some friends. I needed solitude for a while too and often now my friends do things without inviting me and it is a bit depressing but it doesn't mean they're not thinking of me or that they don't want me there, just that they think I'm being me: the big silly introvert.

There's also the fact that Kevin has not just stopped talking to you, but to all your mutual friends. Sorry to say this and/or worry you, but maybe he is not very happy at the moment?

 

[UGLYDUCKLING]

Maybe college work has gotten to him? Or perhaps he was extremely disappointed that you dropped out on him...Or maybe abandoning him there...I don't think that Kevin is a kind of a person who would just drop you as a friend...Perhaps he's going through something...You need to get to him via phone call or anything and demand and answer!


If list the friends that have abandoned me,well then I would have a lot of typing! I just not what I feel in my journal and try to make myself believe that they were never worth my time,I may not have a long life then I don't want to waste any more of my precious time talking to him!

 

[jetsuo]

Yes i can relate to this from a very recent event.

I was dating this girl recently and we were getting real close. The last time we saw each other we had a really good time, then suddenly out of the blue she completely ignores me.
She wont respond to my text messages anymore. Really sad tbh

 

[Hearmenow2012]

Maybe Kevin's outlook on life has changed. Something could have happened and maybe he just wanted to be alone for a bit (I had depression in 2010/11 and I didn't talk to that many people even when they were only trying to help. I just wanted to be alone). Some of us are strong and can deal with a lot of things that are thrown our way, however there are also a lot of people that would crash and burn and not know how to deal with their situation and/or get out of it.

I can relate completely to having a friend disappear from my life, but that is just the way that it is (times change and so do people, but I haven't let it effect any of my other relationships so I advise you not to do the same).

 

[*Sammy*]

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through this hun,

As you can see many people have gone through the same and its never nice, its awful and i wish no one had to be hurt by people they thought they could trust. Have you considered maybe writing to him? Is there a way to get his e-mail or a postal address and try to reach out and explain to him how he made you feel? He might respond with some kind of reason or he might not respond at all but you wont know if you don't try? If he doesn't respond then it sounds like he is not the kind of person you need in your life as to me it just seems cruel not to respond even if its just to say 'hi i'm doing fine'.

I hope you find some sort of closure soon hun and don't let this one person stop you from trusting in friends in the future.

 

[xaero]

It sucks that this happened. I'm sure his old friends would like to know why he suddenly stopped talking to them too. I've never been abandoned by any friends because I've never really had 'good' friends to begin with. It's hard for you now, and this experience will likely be an emotional scar, but you'll eventually move on.

I was abandoned a lot during my early childhood. It made me sensitive to rejection later on. Eventually, however, I stopped caring altogether. People just suck. I've learned to accept this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Eventually, however, I stopped caring altogether. People just suck. I've learned to accept this.

Yeah. Me too.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, I've lost contact with a few friends myself. So that's why it's hard for me to be able to trust many people. It's hard but I believe overtime you'll be able to deal with it better later on. Overtime I just learned to except the change even if it is hard, I always try to push myself moving forward.

I've learned to cope by expressing myself by writing or art.
Find something that will help you heal your wounds.
*hug*

Hope things get better for you!

 

[lonelyfairy]

I have been abandoned by ''a friend''. She abandoned me when I needed someone, badly. Hospital and all of that... she promised to call me and visit me etc. but she never didn't and we never talked after that... So I guess that she really wasn't my friend. :/

 

[xaero]

I have been abandoned by ''a friend''. She abandoned me when I needed someone, badly. Hospital and all of that... she promised to call me and visit me etc. but she never didn't and we never talked after that... So I guess that she really wasn't my friend. :/

The same thing has happened to me in my hour of need, more than once, too. People are just awful. It's best just to make friends with yourself because you are really all you've got in this miserable, backwards world.

 

[ZynischeWirklichkeit]

I am so sorry that it is taking me so long to reply. My internet had not been working well, but the problem is fixed now. Thank you so much for the support and the thoughts. I basically sent him an email saying that I miss him and that I will always wait for him whether he chooses to become my friend again or not. Then I left it at that. I will not email him or bother him again. I am sorry to hear about all of your experiences with getting abandoned too.