Soon my school schedule is going to change so that I will come in contact with way more people than basically ever before. I am struggling because I am painfully shy and afraid of people. I want to meet people and make friends but I am literally terrified of people. They are so confusing and strange and unpredictable. It's like I am a prisoner of my mind so I stay home on weekends and on weekdays force myself to accomplish my daily tasks...but it is painful and I feel like I am getting worse, becoming more distant and withdrawn into myself. I take medication and have been in therapy off and on but I don't know what to do.
Afraid of every one and every situation IRL
- Thread starter roguewave
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SophiaGrace
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face the anxiety of people. guess its the only way to desensitize the fear.
VanillaCreme
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People will always be confusing, strange, and unpredictable. That's what makes us people. Gotta kind of roll with the punches with most people. Just relax and be calm about it. As soon as you meet some people you feel comfortable around and can talk to, you'll be fine.
Vinan
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My friend do not worry on the future for how can you predict what you had not known or had yet to happen. Reaspond only to your local area and timeframe. Don't guess the future or bother with the past their yet said or already done. If you do this nearly 90% of your anxiety will be elimanated! Its a great thing and its up to you to let go of the future. We are here if you need us and shall do our best.
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flaneur
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Vinan said:
This is so true. It's important to live in the present moment and not over-think things or worry about possibilities, outcomes, etc. It's something I'm still trying to do.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I find that it helps to set myself small targets when I meet new people. For instance, instead of wanting to be the life and soul of the party or to make a new friend immediately, I aim to have two short conversations with two different people. Maybe you could aim to speak to two new people a day about something straightforward, such as asking about possible assignments or course content?
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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Sounds like classic social anxiety. I have this, too.
The best thing you can do is not avoid people, though. When you avoid people, you make the problem worse. Believe me, I know.
The best thing you can do is not avoid people, though. When you avoid people, you make the problem worse. Believe me, I know.
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fox
Guest
I really know how that is..
Maybe this is a no good suggestion, but I will put it any way:
Surely, some situations around people are less stressing than others, no? Perhaps, before the schedule will change, you can do it bit by bit, expose yourself to those lesser situations, gradually for longer and longer lengths of time. Maybe you can work up with how comfortable you can become with it, and then move to a new level of stressful situation.
Maybe this way it will be less of a shock and trouble than to do it sudden when your schedule changes..
I wish you well in any case.
Maybe this is a no good suggestion, but I will put it any way:
Surely, some situations around people are less stressing than others, no? Perhaps, before the schedule will change, you can do it bit by bit, expose yourself to those lesser situations, gradually for longer and longer lengths of time. Maybe you can work up with how comfortable you can become with it, and then move to a new level of stressful situation.
Maybe this way it will be less of a shock and trouble than to do it sudden when your schedule changes..
I wish you well in any case.
T
The Good Citizen
Guest
One thing that never really helped me was being told 'just relax', you can't force yourself to relax! I would say, accept your shyness is there, accept the fear and reseverations you feel, don't try and preten to yourself you dont, but force yourself to try and socialise anyway. I used to hate blushing so much, eventually i just had to accept that I am someone who blushes and its not the end of the world (My sister does, My son does its a family thing). So I'm a shy person, doesn't make me a freak. Better shy than loud and obnoxious! Most people would prefer a shy person over an arrogant one so you are on to a winner!
Being in my mid-thirties now and still suffering from shyness all I would say it does get better. This comes and goes now, if I'm happier with life I'm ok and at times actually quite confident but if things aren't working for me I can slip back into being very shy and self aware but thats just the way I am, its just part of me.
I say this because I just had to give a presentation about 30 minutes ago, I told my boss, "just so you know, I hate these, I'll do it, its part of my job but it will be 15 minutes of ritual humiliation." He said "come on you'll be fine" (he is supportive and a really good bloke) but I said "it wont, but I'm used to it being bad, I just want to set your expectations!". So I gave it a go and the first 5 minutes I shook, I blushed my voice was everywhere and then I relaxed a little and by the end I was ok. The reason it got better was I knew it would happen and I just had to get on with it, I didn't panic, thats key. But still really glad its over now ha! Its frustrating as hell though I'm thinking christ all i have to do is talk, why does my brain desert me!? But what was the outcome, a few people saw me looking nervous and I live to fight another day. Thats the approach I would try and take, dont try and fight it and pretend its not there, just refuse to let it dictate your life.
Being in my mid-thirties now and still suffering from shyness all I would say it does get better. This comes and goes now, if I'm happier with life I'm ok and at times actually quite confident but if things aren't working for me I can slip back into being very shy and self aware but thats just the way I am, its just part of me.
I say this because I just had to give a presentation about 30 minutes ago, I told my boss, "just so you know, I hate these, I'll do it, its part of my job but it will be 15 minutes of ritual humiliation." He said "come on you'll be fine" (he is supportive and a really good bloke) but I said "it wont, but I'm used to it being bad, I just want to set your expectations!". So I gave it a go and the first 5 minutes I shook, I blushed my voice was everywhere and then I relaxed a little and by the end I was ok. The reason it got better was I knew it would happen and I just had to get on with it, I didn't panic, thats key. But still really glad its over now ha! Its frustrating as hell though I'm thinking christ all i have to do is talk, why does my brain desert me!? But what was the outcome, a few people saw me looking nervous and I live to fight another day. Thats the approach I would try and take, dont try and fight it and pretend its not there, just refuse to let it dictate your life.
Ak5
Well-known member
It's the only way unfortunately. Face it head on and do the best you can.
I hope your doing fine with your new classes, and good luck.
I hope your doing fine with your new classes, and good luck.
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SophiaGrace
Guest
roguewave said:
yay! Go you!
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