Always Had VERY Low Confidence

[cryingcloud]

Ever since the age when I started to care what people thought of me, (around 11/12ish) I have always had low self esteem. I am now 17 and it still remains. Anything that happens to me that puts a downer on my day sets me off. I start thinking of everything that is wrong with me. It all runs through my head like a slide-show. I think of how dumb I am in school. I literally don't do well at all. There are some things that I just don't grasp. Like MATH...and CHEMISTRY. The whole class would be cheering because they understand and here I am sinking in my seat ready to cry because I can't finish my test or a quiz. This has always been a problem of mine. I remember in first grade, I cried because I was the only one left taking a math quiz and everyone else got to go to recess, and I had NO idea what to do. There was also a time in third grad I remember having trouble. Then comes driving. Most teens my age are driving their little feet off by now, but I feel like i'm never going to get it. I have my license, but I still don't drive myself. I actually get a physical reaction to this. When I don't understand something, my palms get sweaty, my heart beat gets faster, and I feel incredibly angry and want to cry. I want to push over my desk and throuw my book across the room. (I actually have done that at home with homework in my past.) Moving on from school, I HATE my body. I tend to have bad skin and I'm pale...not a good combo...and I weigh 137 pounds. The only thing I like about my appearance is my blue eyes. I sometimes like my blondish hair but it fustrates me too. This makes me think that's the reason NO guys like me. NONE,NADA,ZERO,ZILCH. I mean come on, I'm fu*king 17 and only had 2 boyfriends in my life. What makes things even sadder, the low confidence makes me loose all drive to fix anything because I know I'll fail at it. I'm sick of feeling this way. There's no question here, I'm really just venting...It's one of those nights.

 

[Ox Blood]

You remind me of... Well, me.

I was (and still am) horrible at math. But lo and behold, I miraculously passed all of my college math classes with a TON of tutoring -- almost everyday. Is tutoring an option for you? Trust me on this -- the hard work pays off if you are willing to put the effort in. Shooting yourself down before giving yourself the chance is the easy way out. If I can do it, so can you.

I had an ex that wished I had your appearance (blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny, etc). He often told me that he wished I looked like that... Or how much prettier I'd be if I had those things. The only thing I think he liked about me was the fact that I was pale. Let me tell you, if a guy doesn't like you for who you are, then he's not worth it. Find someone that will care for you, regardless of what you look like -- and you'll have yourself a keeper.

If there is something making you unhappy in your life -- change it. Fight for your happiness. No one said it would come easy -- the power is in your hands.

People will often try to bring you down or kick you where it hurts because they are miserable themselves... Or jealous, because they can't find the will in themselves to make change. You can do it -- but you have to be the one to believe that you can and go for it.

 

[blu]

I'm 16. I've only had one boyfriend, and he was an abusive stalker who ended up dumping me cuz I wouldn't fresia him.

'Nough said.

EDIT: Also, 137 lb?? I know girls that would KILL to weigh that.

 

[frey12]

Watch this link 12 minutes 20 second in it starts. Tell me if it helps at all. http://naomiwolf.org/2012/03/diversity-lecture-at-grand-rapids-community-college/