I suppose this is a "my story" type thing and while parts probably fit in other sections, it's definitely a lack of social life that is the biggest issue. Overall it's something that's getting gradually worse as it's basically worn down all the options and hope available to me.
I never had many friends in school, but I was happy enough with what I had and they were good friends. I've always suffered from social anxiety and low self esteem as I was made fun of in high school, so when I was 17 and finished high school, my friends went off to university in different parts of the country and I didn't really get the grades I wanted to, so had to go to college (I'm in the UK, so community college equivalent for the US I think). My main class was in accounting, everybody was a lot older than me and whenever I'd ask if I could hang around with someone at lunch, they'd make an excuse as to not do it. My other course was in personal finance, where I made 2 friends which was a bit better. In accounting, I struggled a lot in the final year (which I failed) and when it came to exams I had a mental block. I was always pretty down and thought I was just feeling sorry for myself.
After college, I ended up with a very bad, low paid, job and 1 of my 2 friends went off to university so I only had 1 friend remaining. Every time I would try and talk to somebody, they would dismiss me and make reasons to not talk. Next 5 years my one friend was always busy, I'd maybe see him 2 or 3 times a year. This was the extent of my social interaction. People I would try talk to, girls who I was interested in, shot me down every time and I was really starting to let the rejection get to me.
I eventually started getting thoughts of self harm and saw my doctor. She said it does seem like I have depression, not just feeling sorry for myself, and put me on some medication and gave me a therapist to see once a week. I thought things might get better. I saw my therapist for 2 years, he tried to help me with talking to people, how to cope, etc. But ultimately whenever I tried to talk to people, it was the same story, I got rejected. 2 years of therapy were over and I am in no way better off, instead I now just don't have the hope that therapy will help me for the better.
One of the biggest things that upsets me is I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even had a friend that's a girl. I've probably asked out 200 or so girls over 10 years, all of whom have not been interested. I've tried online dating, never received a message and tried apps like tinder but have only gotten 1 match (from an escort!). People always tell me that there's nothing wrong with how I look, or how I am. But how can this be the case when I have been rejected by 100% of girls I ask out and pretty much everyone I approach? "Try to think more positively" is something that my therapist would often say, or that I need to be happy with myself before other people will be. But I just don't see how I can be happy with me, when clearly something is wrong.
It's frustrating that I have a crap job, but that's just a problem for a lot of people. But I've seen my 1 friend 2 times this year, that's it. I've never had a friend who's a girl, never held hands or kissed a girl, nothing. I have no idea how to meet people when people always reject me.
Apologies if this started to get a bit "ranty", but 10 years of trying to meet people has really taken it's toll and when I saw my doctor what the next step after therapy is, she basically said there isn't one and it's disheartening.
Thanks for reading.
I never had many friends in school, but I was happy enough with what I had and they were good friends. I've always suffered from social anxiety and low self esteem as I was made fun of in high school, so when I was 17 and finished high school, my friends went off to university in different parts of the country and I didn't really get the grades I wanted to, so had to go to college (I'm in the UK, so community college equivalent for the US I think). My main class was in accounting, everybody was a lot older than me and whenever I'd ask if I could hang around with someone at lunch, they'd make an excuse as to not do it. My other course was in personal finance, where I made 2 friends which was a bit better. In accounting, I struggled a lot in the final year (which I failed) and when it came to exams I had a mental block. I was always pretty down and thought I was just feeling sorry for myself.
After college, I ended up with a very bad, low paid, job and 1 of my 2 friends went off to university so I only had 1 friend remaining. Every time I would try and talk to somebody, they would dismiss me and make reasons to not talk. Next 5 years my one friend was always busy, I'd maybe see him 2 or 3 times a year. This was the extent of my social interaction. People I would try talk to, girls who I was interested in, shot me down every time and I was really starting to let the rejection get to me.
I eventually started getting thoughts of self harm and saw my doctor. She said it does seem like I have depression, not just feeling sorry for myself, and put me on some medication and gave me a therapist to see once a week. I thought things might get better. I saw my therapist for 2 years, he tried to help me with talking to people, how to cope, etc. But ultimately whenever I tried to talk to people, it was the same story, I got rejected. 2 years of therapy were over and I am in no way better off, instead I now just don't have the hope that therapy will help me for the better.
One of the biggest things that upsets me is I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even had a friend that's a girl. I've probably asked out 200 or so girls over 10 years, all of whom have not been interested. I've tried online dating, never received a message and tried apps like tinder but have only gotten 1 match (from an escort!). People always tell me that there's nothing wrong with how I look, or how I am. But how can this be the case when I have been rejected by 100% of girls I ask out and pretty much everyone I approach? "Try to think more positively" is something that my therapist would often say, or that I need to be happy with myself before other people will be. But I just don't see how I can be happy with me, when clearly something is wrong.
It's frustrating that I have a crap job, but that's just a problem for a lot of people. But I've seen my 1 friend 2 times this year, that's it. I've never had a friend who's a girl, never held hands or kissed a girl, nothing. I have no idea how to meet people when people always reject me.
Apologies if this started to get a bit "ranty", but 10 years of trying to meet people has really taken it's toll and when I saw my doctor what the next step after therapy is, she basically said there isn't one and it's disheartening.
Thanks for reading.