Any advice for a person who REALLY wants a relationship?

[JustJones]

Lately I've found myself craving companionship but I'm a total idiot when it comes to this kinda stuff so i'm in desperate need of advice regardless of how minor it is. I would really appreciate any input at all that you might have.
I'm 25 and never had a gf and reaching this age has given me a crushing sense of urgency and I don't know where to turn.
My social life is somewhat....limited which makes it difficult but I know if I found a nice girl or if she found me, I would have so much to give.

So any advice anyone? I will show my gratitude with MASSIVE digital hugs
oh! and i'm a bloke btw

 

[Naleena]

Hmmmmm....can you narrow it down just a bit? Be a little more specific please?

 

[JustJones]

ok, what would you like to know?
I would like to hear other peoples stories of how they met their gf/bf
Where are the best places to meet women?
How should I approach the situation if I meet someone I like?

As I said, I'm a total idiot, I just don't know where to start!
I'm a 25yr Uni student, I'm a bit shy but a really nice person and not bad looking. Slim, short hair, slight stubble and I'm very creative.
Btw I'm alcohol intolerant so bars/clubs are difficult for me. I would prefer to meet women in a more sober state of mind anyway..
Does this narrow it down a bit?
I really would appreciate ANY input AT ALL!!

And heres a big hug for you Naleena.
----HHUUUUUGGGGZZZZZZ----

 

[Four_in_the_morning]

Hiya JJ,

I am mixing right now, *ahem*.

Well here is some hot advice from my hot sister. I take her word for gold because truth be told, its worked.

There are two possibilities.

Hot it up, or aim lower. Remember there are billions of people on this planet, surely someone must be curious about your goods!

 

[JustJones]

Thanks for the advice Four_in_the_morning!
I've already begun the process of hotting it up Got some new clothes, trying to look a bit more trendy. As for lowering my standards, well, I'm trying to get a feel of what i'm capable of, I actually have no idea about what level attractiveness I can go for. When I look in the mirror, I see a fairly good looking fella but I assume that my mannerisms bring me down a bit. I think I need to work on my shyness and carrying myself more confidently. I think I have a slightly annoying voice also..
Now here's your reward..here it comes!
.....oooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..((((HHHUUUUUUGGGZZZZZZZZZZ))))
you deserve every bit of it.
and good luck with the mixing

 

[Nyktimos]

Well, I've never had a relationship that was worth the effort. But, my first real girlfriend was during my last year at school. I met her through knowing her brother. She was cool, but was only trying to break away from a bad previous relationship. I understood that. The second was on a course I did when I left school. I couldn't commit. The third I met through friends. It was complicated. I'm always tempted to say she ruined my life, but I know I had problems coping with life before that. The fourth I'm with now. I met her at a pub dart match (so not much use for you). She was in my mum's team. She's rapidly losing the plot and has become totally dependant on me. I fell out of love with her years ago. There were a couple of minor relationships here and there, all through friends. And one through family. So the moral is; keep meeting people. And then meet their female friends. I have no advice on how to turn a conversation into a relationship. I was always rubbish at that sort of thing. I'm just some ugly, quiet, boring guy. My few relationships have just 'happened'. And pointless and painful they've all been too.

 

[SighX99]

count me in on this one.

 

[Steel]

First off, there isn't a time limit on meeting someone.

Secondly, since you are craving companionship, meeting someone who shares similar interests might be a good idea. In other words, get out to the places where you have fun! It doesn't have to be pubs and clubs - book stores, coffee houses, parks, online.. whatever works for you.

Just be yourself, and never be scared of getting a "no" - it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, and you won't be laughed at.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Okay....

I met Cherri at a meeting she wasn't an alki or addict. She attended to support her sister.
It was wierd...I was talking to her parents..Then Cherri and I started chit chating.
Then I just asked her if she was bussied and maybe she wanted to go do something...She said yes.
Cherri and I had many dates. We still say hello and hug each other in passing.

I asked Jennifer if she wanted to go see a play with me...She say "yes" but stood me up.
I asked jennifer out in a super market. I met Jeniffer a day previously at her work.

I asked Paula to go to a 4th of July fucntion with me...She said "yes"..but stood me up at the last mniute and went
out with someone else.

Nancy..i just asked out...fresia it..nancy was hawt..way better looking than Jennifer or Paula
I had to ask her out...otherwise i would be still kicking myself today...
Errr....fresia. me..I broke nancy's heart.

Sherry came after me....

I met Sherry at a church..out of all the places..lmao
I was in a healing workshop my minister asked me to attend.
My minister also tried to play match maker with me a Delia.

Joycelyne...fresia me..I broke her heart too

Deniese..kept my ass in the friendzone...even though she lets me roll around with her.
i bascailly touched her body all over without having sex with her...
I remember her getting all happy when I was single again.
Err...wtf ???.. her god dame eyes rolled when I told her I was living with sherry.
I guess I made the wrong move

Sherly called my up oneday...she gotten my phone number off of a list from a treatment center.
I knew Sheryl from before...but didn't think anything of it.
I actaully had to drive 200 miles to go get her.
I'd hang out with her..Got her a place to stay at a womens shelter.
We go to meetings together ...then she broke up with me oneday...She relapsed.
I remember watching her getting all messed up again...as burned out away from the parking lot
I remember sitting in a meeting oneday just wanting to cry...I was letting her go,
then Sheryl showed up saying she was done with drinking and using.
Sheryl was the first partner or healty relationship i had...I was probably 4 month sober then.
It was touch and go at first beucase I didn't really, really know her that much. We move in together
a month later...We had our problems...but actaully it was better...We were both clean and sober
and had sometype of living program....I was very, very close to Sheryl....More than my ex-wf.
I lived with Sheryl for almost 6 years. I was only married for 2 years.

My ex-wf Michelle...asked me out...she was working.

err...Jaylee pulled up in her convertiable oneday. She gave me her phone number and invited me to her place.
I went...lol

I met Jenni through work. Jenni used to be a receptionist then she took over my account.
Then I made her drop my account so I can be with her. Jenni is not a drinker.

Lois I met through a friend.

Tammy...well , i was just minding my own bussiness as usual
She knows what she wants ...no strings attached.
Right..right now dude..she said.
She didn't lie..she wasn't wearing any G strings...lmao

Linda..she's a litle crazy...but very cute.
She gave me her phone number and told me she wanted a man she can take home.

I asked Dila out not so long ago I had too..she's pretty.

Pennie...was my neighbor. i use to chit chat with her all the time.

Lori is keeping her eyes..on me..to see if I''ll fresia up or get my honeysuckle together.

Another Michelle..i met through a friend.
Michelle dump me..I had to settle for the hawter one..lmao
Lisa was Mihelles's sister.

I met Misty through a friend

Another Lori..well..The first time I saw Lori ...she was in her undies..
She left a great first impression on my mind...I'll never forget Lori becuase of that..lol
Loir lived below me..I had my marshall cranked up. She was pissed off.lmao
That woman knows how to drive a stick shift.

Make yourself avaliable...smile, laugh, don't take yourself too serious.
well..I guess there's pro of being an air head like me...lmao
That's what drew alot of the women to me....Usually I'm in a happy state of Being.

I remember making Jenni laugh through an entire lunch just being a goof ball when everyone
else was being all serious behaving. Err...Wtf ?? yes...yes..we're professionals. I'm known to
be a major prick in my bussiness dealings in the industry I'm in. Jenni was kind of suprized and said she never knew
the other side of me. The real me not the bussiness man. She espicifically told me she likes me
at that moment. That was the turning piont of our relationship. Out of the no zone/friendzone into the
I'm attracted to you zone. Some of it also had to do that I wasn't messed up and i was happy in the moment.

 

[JustJones]

Thanks so much everyone! and keep em comin
I'm trying my luck online. Took some advice from Archangel Azrael and hae started using the "are you interested" app on facebook and I think I'm making real progress. I found someone I liked but she didn't click "interested" back on me so I took matters into my own hands and sent her a pm asking her about herself and so on..I thought I'd just get ignored but she actually replied and I think we're getting along really well! and we have very similar intereststs (we're both a bit geeky) so thanks for that advice Steel. Also..she's Asian. I've always dreamt of getting a nice asian girl so I've really got my fingers crossed on this one

@Lonesome Crow-
Bloody Hell!! that's quite the collection you've got there. Seems like women launch themselves at your feet haha. Good to be you ay? i'm very happy for you and thanks for the extremely indepth advice. makes me feel bad for not writing so much back.

@Nyktimos-
I'm sorry to hear about how you feel about your love life and I hope things get better for you. Maybe I will have things like that to come in the future. I suppose a not so great love life is better than none at all but I'm sure that's debatable from some peoples perspective.

Now here come the rewards-----There's a few of you so I may need to take a run up
Nyktimos (((((((((((HUUUGZZZZYYYMMLLUGGZZZYYYYYYY)))))))
Lonesome Crow (((((((((((((((HHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGZZZIIIIILLLLLAAAA)))))))btw you're incredible on the guitar!
Steel ((((((((((((HHHHHHHUUUUUGGGGGZZZZalloveryourshoes))))))))))))
And you get one too SighX99 ((((((((((((((((((((HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..ugs)))))))))

I love you all! and keep the good advice coming. I feel that with each post I get a little more confidence surging through me.

 

[Nyktimos]

Thanks for the hugs. I think you're doing the right thing. But don't invest too much hope in one possibility. It's a bigger world than you think; more so now that we can connect with people online. And there will be people out there who are looking for the same as you. Unless your avatar is a picture of you, in which case you may struggle a little.

 

[packyourbags]

(hugs)
just bc you semm so awesome

 

[ChessGuy42]

I used to be extremely nervous around women... I think the best advice I got was:

Make sure you're well groomed and have a personal sense of style. Don't worry about being super stylish, just develop your own look that you're comfortable with and that you like.

Don't be intimidated. Keep in mind that women are regular plain-old people too, not giant man-eating monsters or awe-inspiring greek goddesses.

Make sure you're intentions are clear... if you want to date a girl, make it clear that you want to be more than a friend to her. Guys with unclear intentions tend to wind up in the friend zone. This is my own personal problem - winding up as a friend.

Learn to dance. I'm not talking about club dancing, I'm talking about slow dancing. It's really easy - the trick is getting the spin down. I go to jazz shows at bars (it's perfectly acceptable not to drink at these kinds of shows too), and I've yet to find a woman that's single and isn't willing to spare five minutes for a guy who has enough nerve to ask her to dance.

Have standards. Remember... success is not getting a girl, it's getting the right girl.

 

[spuzzwink]

Some excellent advice in this thread! I'm in almost exactly the same situation, but feeling less desperate than I was at Christmas (probably my loneliest time of the year) as I'm trying to get in shape before properly starting to look for Mrs Spuzzwink .
All I would like to add is try to avoid regarding every new girl you meet as potentially The One™. It's incredibly difficult to avoid doing it when you're longing to find a girlfriend, but not only will you possibly spare yourself disappointment if it doesn't lead anywhere, you will sometimes find yourself much more confident around women as you're not pinning all your hopes on just one girl.
Also, don't be afraid of rejection. If you fall off your bicycle, it doesn't mean you should stop going for bike rides!
Best of luck.

 

[JustJones]

Some excellent advice indeed!
@Nyktimos- Yes that is me! don't you think i'm cute? lol
I can definitely say my eyes are thoroughly open for all possibilities. Thankyou ((Huugggyyyy))

@Packyourbags- Thank you very much, I've seen some of your comments in other threads and I think you're awesome too ((((((((BIGHUUGGGYYYY))))

@ChessGuy42- I really appreciate this. I hadn't thought about the clarity of my intentions and I can see how it would be incredibly important. I will immediately take this into consideration. And the grooming stuff too; I'm not going to go overboard with this otherwise I'll end up feeling uncomfortable. I'm just making myself into something like JustJones 1.5 lol
(((HUUUUUUUUUUG G G G G)))

@Spuzzwink(I love your name!) Yes, I find this quite difficult and it's been a big problem for me in the past. I've been really hurt by my own hopefulness on several occasions and I'm weary of doing it again because it can be truly agonizing. I wish you all the best in getting in shape and I'm sorry you were lonely at Christmas. I love Christmas too much to let things bother me at that time. The rest of the year...--whatever-- but christmas? that's my happy time, regardless of how lonely I am
btw I'm terrible at riding a bike lol
(((((((((((HUGGGYYYYYBEEAAARRRR)))))

 

[packyourbags]

YEY (huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

[ChessGuy42]

I'm not going to go overboard with this otherwise I'll end up feeling uncomfortable. I'm just making myself into something like JustJones 1.5 lol

That's exactly the right attitude. The advice 'Be yourself' never seems to work(or at least it hasn't for me), and neither does being someone who you aren't. The best method seems to be: figure out who you want to be, and then how to actually become that person.

I'll toss one more piece of advice out there: being uncomfortable isn't always a bad thing. Whenever I find myself uncomfortable, I always mentally break it down: What's making me uncomfortable? Would I be happy if I was comfortable doing activity X or being in situation Y? If the answer to the second question is yes, I use the discomfort as a learning experience to desensitize myself towards that activity. If the answer is no, then I tend to get myself out of there.

 

[Jesse]

Woah, make your intentions clear? lol. I always make my intentions clear and it always makes the ladies go ---> away. and not want to talk to me anymore.

Then I try playing the whole game thing and end up in the friend zone... at least for a little while until they still go ---> away.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Woah, make your intentions clear? lol. I always make my intentions clear and it always makes the ladies go ---> away. and not want to talk to me anymore.

Then I try playing the whole game thing and end up in the friend zone... at least for a little while until they still go ---> away.

wow...you don't know right off the bat if you're in the friendszone
when you're single ? Most of thime when I get put in the friendzone
iwas becuase I wasn't avaliable.
I'm not a total stud either....

seriously...you never had a girl looked at you with the lost puppy
looks in her eyes ?

You never had a women make her way to you and just wanna get
next to you. Make body contacts with you...within the first
five minute of meeting her ?

You never had a women just gave you her phone # or asked you
striaght up if you're bussy or if she can call you ?

Well...fresia, if i ask a girl out on a date ..i think my intension
are pretty clear...Then it's just a matter of me getting on
first base...stealing second and third..then sliding into home.
Some girls kiss me on the first date.
Others don't kiss me at all no matter how many dates.
Some even have sex with me on the first date.
Some even have sex with me without going on dates.


Nah...man the friendzone stuff is friendzone stuff. I've had many
plutonic relationships. I tried the friendzone stuff...it nevered worked for me.
The women made their intension clear.
Once a woman tells me ...lets just be friends, for me I'll be her friend, but
it like almost an instant trun off for me...I just take it as her trying to let
me down softly.

What the heck do you say or do to them to make them all go away ?

 

[Jesse]

Woah, make your intentions clear? lol. I always make my intentions clear and it always makes the ladies go ---> away. and not want to talk to me anymore.

Then I try playing the whole game thing and end up in the friend zone... at least for a little while until they still go ---> away.

wow...you don't know right off the bat if you're in the friendszone
when you're single ? Most of thime when I get put in the friendzone
is becuase I wasn't avaliable.
I'm not a total stud either....

seriously...you never had a girl looked at you with the lost puppy
looks in her eyes ?

You never had a women make her way to you and just wanna get
next to you. Make body contacts with you...within the first
five minute of meeting her ?

You never had a women just gave you her phone # or asked you
striaght up if you're bussy or if she can call you ?

Well...fresia if i ask a girl out on a date ..i think my intension
are pretty clear...Then it's just a matter of me getting on
first base...stealing second and third..then sliding into home.

Nah...man the friendzone stuff is friendzone stuff. I've had many
plutonic relationships.

Definately a big "no" to all those questions man. Guess I havn't been too lucky. It doesn't bother me too much really, I mean apart from lonliness you know.

p.s.- "The Crow" is awesome. The original.