From speaking to my brother, I realized that he and my father would feel unable to walk away from me even if caring for me became too much for them. I decided that it wouldn't be fair to them to let myself go blind, so even before I saw the family doctor I decided to go through with the cataract surgery for their sake. (For my own sake it doesn't matter because I have no value whether I have sight or am blind, but I have to think of my father and brother because me being blind would be very bad for _them_.)
The family doctor appointment went very well. I expected to wait about 45 minutes past my appointment time but the wait was only about 10 minutes. We had a longer appointment than usual. The vibe he gave off is that he had good intentions and was doing his best to help me, so I trust him. He explained that, because of the government-funded health care where we live, a second opinion or even finding a different eye doctor to do the surgery would take many months. In the end I had to agree to have the surgery performed by the abusive ******* eye doctor I'd seen on Tuesday. but from what my family doctor tells me at least he's a very good surgeon. My family doctor will phone him and I'm supposed to phone my family doctor in about a week to find out what's happening next.
We also discussed my speculations about borderline personality disorder and he was aware about recent advances in treatment for it. He also said that it had been quite common for patients with BPD to go undiagnosed for many years or even be diagnosed with something else. I briefly speculated about having my diagnosis of schizophrenia reversed, which could mean retroactively losing eligibility for disability benefits and having a huge overpayment to the government in addition to a complete loss of income, but ethics comes first. I"m being referred for evaluation at the same institution where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1991, and which no doubt can dig out my records from that time. I stressed that my focus is on getting a proper diagnosis and receiving proper treatment so I can maximize my mental, emotional and social functioning, and as things stand right now that's what will be going on. If it happens then having the surgery and not going blind would be a plus.
The only negative is that I have to have the surgery under general anaesthetic and am very concerned about never reviving for any of several reasons. In order to deal with that, I'm going to approach the cataract surgery like it's an execution and expect to die during it. If I survive it then I'll be pleasantly surprised, but at least in the meantime I'll feel relatively safe.
The family doctor appointment went very well. I expected to wait about 45 minutes past my appointment time but the wait was only about 10 minutes. We had a longer appointment than usual. The vibe he gave off is that he had good intentions and was doing his best to help me, so I trust him. He explained that, because of the government-funded health care where we live, a second opinion or even finding a different eye doctor to do the surgery would take many months. In the end I had to agree to have the surgery performed by the abusive ******* eye doctor I'd seen on Tuesday. but from what my family doctor tells me at least he's a very good surgeon. My family doctor will phone him and I'm supposed to phone my family doctor in about a week to find out what's happening next.
We also discussed my speculations about borderline personality disorder and he was aware about recent advances in treatment for it. He also said that it had been quite common for patients with BPD to go undiagnosed for many years or even be diagnosed with something else. I briefly speculated about having my diagnosis of schizophrenia reversed, which could mean retroactively losing eligibility for disability benefits and having a huge overpayment to the government in addition to a complete loss of income, but ethics comes first. I"m being referred for evaluation at the same institution where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1991, and which no doubt can dig out my records from that time. I stressed that my focus is on getting a proper diagnosis and receiving proper treatment so I can maximize my mental, emotional and social functioning, and as things stand right now that's what will be going on. If it happens then having the surgery and not going blind would be a plus.
The only negative is that I have to have the surgery under general anaesthetic and am very concerned about never reviving for any of several reasons. In order to deal with that, I'm going to approach the cataract surgery like it's an execution and expect to die during it. If I survive it then I'll be pleasantly surprised, but at least in the meantime I'll feel relatively safe.
