Biting the bullet

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Hey everyone,

just had a difficult moment, but also an important one

You see, I have a friend, I've known her for eight years. She's an absolutely beautiful, great girl. I really enjoy our friendship, a bit too much I might add

Thing is, she sees me as a friend. Today we had dinner and I- I knew it was pointless -tried flirting with her once again. She made it very clear, in between the lines, she wasn't interested. Even that she'd give my flirting some thought, but it just didn't work for her, not literally, but, she touched on the topic indirectly.

I was a little angry and acted like a total *beep*. I didn't say anything offensive, or was rude, but had a hard time hiding my feelings. It was I think pretty tangible. I left and she looked rather shocked and unhappy.

I've made up my mind though. I should just tell her- in person, not in between the lines -how much I like her and that I can't go on like this. I don't expect she'll like me, in fact, I know she doesn't.

I know it'll be the end of a great and supportive friendship, but I can't tell myself it'll just pass. It won't: I tried not speaking with her for a year and it didn't work. I love this girl

I also appreciate she at least gave it some thought and it sucks that she feels like she has to tell me repeatedly- again, in between the lines -she really doesn't like me, that sometimes friendship is just friendship.

I think I owe her that much: I should tell her how I feel and say goodbye, she was a great friend, but I can't spend the rest of my life hoping she'll return my feelings one day. I know it won't happen

On the one hand this has been a difficult year, especially because I planned on working a bit (turned out something went wrong with my bachelors degree) and because I've changed so much, especially in this regard: telling other people exactly what I think and feel.

In the end, it's all for the better though

Do you guys have any tips for me? Preferably some experience

 

[Stars]

I don't have much to offer for advice - but simply think out your actions and do what you feel is right for you.

Some people can simply carry on with such a friendship; and others cannot.

(Also, it would be unfair should you meet another woman; that you're pining over this one.)

You can choose to answer this question or not - what is it about her that makes you love her?
I ask this because I've always wondered how some women are able to capture a man's attention and interest in such a way; because I never have. :/

 

[Poguesy]

Good luck

 

[Sci-Fi]

I wouldn't say she doesn't like you, she obviously does or she wouldn't be your friend. She just doesn't have the same feelings of infatuation that you do for her. Personally I'd rather live with what will never be than lose a good friendship. But you gotta do what you gotta do for yourself and your own peace of mind. Good luck with whatever happens.

 

[dannyr22]

Perhaps friendship is the best option but you will maybe not feel right until you have told her..

Sorry I have no real experiance becuase I just let the feelings for some girls in the past dissolve into nothingness

 

[AdamGoldman]

@Sam,
I was EXACTLY in the same situation some years back.

If she's your friend it means that she likes you.
no question about it.

What's missing is the ATTRACTION.

With my female friend, one day we talked
about it and she actually told me she wished
I'd attracted her.

As in, she WANTS me as more than friends but
I sparked ZERO attraction, so it can't happen.

There's a good chance you're going through
the same thing.

The difference between a friend and a lover
is attraction.

And it CAN be learned.

I don't think you should end it. I'd take it as a challenge
to take the relationship to a romantic place.

NOTE: Of course, keeping her dignity intact, and
RESPECTING her the whole time.

If you do go that road, you'll have to read some
stuff and go through some training.

It ain't easy but I think it's worth it.

Pick up "the game" by Neil Strauss. That'll
give you a solid start

PS. whatever you do, DON'T let her feel that she
can have you any second she wants.

That's the #1 to repel someone (both M & F)

 

[Lonely in BC]

Sam,

Rethink this. Are you prepared for the void her absence will leave in your life? I'm speaking from experience, I had a similar situation- 20 years later I still miss that friend. I wish I'd kept that relationship but I thought at the time it wasn't enough. I'd give anything to have it back.

Spare yourself that regret.

 

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Hey everyone,

thanks, great advice!

I've spoken to her and we'll meet next week, have some dinner and talk things through. Told her to come prepared, I suspect she already knows what I want to talk about

As for my friendship, no, I don't want to lose her. She was always there for me when things got rough, and I've tried not talking to her for over a year (I wanted to know what I felt for her). She did leave a void, though whether that was due to love on my part or simply our friendship, I don't know. I am still afraid it is love because I- and she told she felt the same way -appreciate our friendship, but it doesn't feel quite right at the moment...

I am sure everything will turn out just fine, as long as we talk a bit, I am sure our friendship can handle it, it might help to clear the air!

 

[AdamGoldman]

Good luck man!

 

[Sam_Wright_1988]

I told her, explained myself and wow, I feel, not only relieved, but very, very happy.

She took it well, and it was nice to hear I had been right all along: yeah, she doesn't look at me that way, but it was not like I was out of question. We have been friends for so long- to her -it just seemed a bit odd and confusing. I get that, but at least she was relieved too

Anyway, from what she told me I saved her night: she'd had a crappy day and this made up for that, though I pretty much told her I don't know whether I can still handle our friendship :S. She also became a lot more touchy feely, so that was confusing and I didn't really know what to make of it.

I feel great! ****, it's out in the open, thank God . Don't know what to expect now, I don't expect anything, she really didn't have a clue I secretly liked her (I thought she did).

We'll have to see, but again, I don't expect anything. I was surprised she took it so well...

Sam

---

"You can choose to answer this question or not - what is it about her that makes you love her?"

Didn't see your question, I'll try to answer it

Well, as it turns out, we're pretty similar and that's it. She's a bit of a loner, so am I. She loves reading and writing, so do I. And she often feels like she's completely out of place when she's with friends and so do I (occasionally). I suppose- whether she'll ever like me or not -we're very similar, and it's not like I fell in love with her instantly, it took a while, at first I didn't even notice I had feelings for her et cetera. It's a combination of superficial traits and more unique ones

I think- might be wrong -a lot of people expect love at first sight, that happened to me once, but I really don't think it's common or very reliable. Women who instantly capture my attention are few and far between.

Most people (and women) are to me just boring , I think that's pretty normal

 

[AdamGoldman]

@Sam,
Cool man!

Happy things worked out dude =)

 

[gnome3]

@Sam,
Cool man!
Happy things worked out dude =)

Yes - Very cool. I guess you took the right approach with it.

 

[Gutted]

I think that situations like these always end badly if you can't learn to be happy with just being friends. I say you're doing the right thing. You may as well end things in a controlled manner. Maybe in a happy way that you'd like. If you do it, you might regret it and miss what you have. But at the same time you may have done yourself a big favor in the long run. I am in a similar position now. The Girl says she would be lucky to have me but she is taken and even if that ended, she'd want to be single and stuff. I am friends with her for now. But we'll drift. As will you.