Bully victims need to let it go

[ardour]

*sighs*

Not sure I understand, you find my opinion tiresome or you're a teacher and I've offended you ?

 

[ladyforsaken]

*sighs*

Not sure I understand, you find my opinion tiresome or you're a teacher and I've offended you ?

Aww sorry if I confused you. I just wrote that to say something but then I was just too meh to really explain properly.

I am a teacher, yes. No I wasn't offended by what you said. It's just that I do agree with what you said, and I do find that some teachers do the whole favouritism thing and that totally sucks, but there are also teachers who try to find the "easy way" because they are just not well-supported by the school in terms of manpower, resources or even just general support, and the kids are seriously challenging in some places that sometimes the only way to just even survive the "battle" each time you see the kids is to "ignore" some of them - because halfway through the teachers give up, or they just can't do it. It's seriously not easy, you'll know what I mean if you've spent your days working with youth today.

I think the problem that I'm seeing in my area here (and I can only speak for myself here cos I'm not really sure how it is elsewhere) is that teachers are trained to teach, well enough, but aren't trained enough to handle these situations e.g. challenging kids, bullying etc.

I think for such schools with a lot of very challenging students (where bullying will tend to take place a lot more), they need to train more teachers in those areas of discipline to be able to handle these situations. Unfortunately, though.

In every lesson I go to, every single day, there is always a form of bullying going on and most commonly I see are personal verbal insults and I am always dealing with disciplinary issues like this that at times, I truly feel that I barely taught any content knowledge at all, but all I did was to talk to these kids about bullying. It never seems to work though, no matter what I do. Because when I am not around, something else always happens. It's really tiring though to keep talking to these kids about this, and they know it's wrong, they know it affects the victims badly.. but I feel that in some of them, they are wired in such a way where they don't feel anything for others. So how do you make someone feel for others?

 

[ardour]

*sighs*

Not sure I understand, you find my opinion tiresome or you're a teacher and I've offended you ?

Aww sorry if I confused you. I just wrote that to say something but then I was just too meh to really explain properly.

I am a teacher, yes. No I wasn't offended by what you said. It's just that I do agree with what you said, and I do find that some teachers do the whole favouritism thing and that totally sucks, but there are also teachers who try to find the "easy way" because they are just not well-supported by the school in terms of manpower, resources or even just general support, and the kids are seriously challenging in some places that sometimes the only way to just even survive the "battle" each time you see the kids is to "ignore" some of them - because halfway through the teachers give up, or they just can't do it. It's seriously not easy, you'll know what I mean if you've spent your days working with youth today.

I think the problem that I'm seeing in my area here (and I can only speak for myself here cos I'm not really sure how it is elsewhere) is that teachers are trained to teach, well enough, but aren't trained enough to handle these situations e.g. challenging kids, bullying etc.

I think for such schools with a lot of very challenging students (where bullying will tend to take place a lot more), they need to train more teachers in those areas of discipline to be able to handle these situations. Unfortunately, though.

In every lesson I go to, every single day, there is always a form of bullying going on and most commonly I see are personal verbal insults and I am always dealing with disciplinary issues like this that at times, I truly feel that I barely taught any content knowledge at all, but all I did was to talk to these kids about bullying. It never seems to work though, no matter what I do. Because when I am not around, something else always happens. It's really tiring though to keep talking to these kids about this, and they know it's wrong, they know it affects the victims badly.. but I feel that in some of them, they are wired in such a way where they don't feel anything for others. So how do you make someone feel for others?

Well that teaches me not to tee-off with immoderate statements

I had good teachers too, those who cared about student progress and didn't put up with crap from the loud and obnoxious kids. About an equal ratio of good to couldn't-care-less, really.

I guess there's no way of tackling the issue of empathy without taking into account family background and societal values, in light of the fact that kids and teens generally lack empathy without the right influences from an early age. It's tempting to favour returning to a semi-mythical golden age tightly regulated school environment (strict code of conduct, forced religious/values instruction etc.) Which is of course impossible in this cultural climate. Perhaps encourage more men to take up teaching to help deal with the most disruptive students, but how?

Still I can't help think of all those kids who can't concentrate in class because they're in a constant state of anxiety, what a waste of potential this is.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^Yeah, you're right.

It surely is a waste of potential for those who actually have interest in learning. I always try to talk to them after class. Some of them feel rather disheartened. Some actually just get influenced because they feel there is no point trying when everyone else isn't.

*sigh*

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

From my experience, if a teacher was a bully as a kid, they become a bully as an adult. Things simply do not change, they just find new victims.

 

[Senamian]

Yes things like this aught to be let go... But no, it doesn't always work that way. My first bully was when I was 6, and he used to swear, push, hit, kick, etc... I must've had a lot of patience, but one day I had enough and gave him one good boxer punch to the mouth (I don't remember, all I remember was him being an ******* one day and the next being an ideal best friend who bent over backwards for me!).

But then we moved to the city, when I was 8, and from then on I was bullied for no reason or stupid reasons. "oh, you are friends with HER?" was one bullying reason, referring to my friend. Maybe I was socially awkward? I don't know. But that was another reason.

I was also bullied by teachers. One mocked me profusely, one always assumed I was at fault for things... But the worst one was the one who drew a chalk circle outside, big enough to stand in... And forced me to stand there recess and lunch. Why? I don't even remember. Maybe I talked back? Maybe I got into a verbal argument, or a fight... Whatever it was, it didn't justify that. Having students jab, laugh, mock, hit... With him standing there, and he only stepped in to stop me from leaving the circle or defending myself. That really did set in a lack of trust and respect in teachers after that. Took a long time for me to rebuild trust, respect, and confidence...

But I don't hold grudges against any of them. I don't hold it against anyone who bullied me (and trust me there is LONG list of bullies I encountered). But the situations, like the one with that teacher linger pretty vividly in my memories... All that ridicule, that hurt... It won't go away. But I don't let it become me.

 

[panfruit]

Yes things like this aught to be let go... But no, it doesn't always work that way. My first bully was when I was 6, and he used to swear, push, hit, kick, etc... I must've had a lot of patience, but one day I had enough and gave him one good boxer punch to the mouth (I don't remember, all I remember was him being an ******* one day and the next being an ideal best friend who bent over backwards for me!).

But then we moved to the city, when I was 8, and from then on I was bullied for no reason or stupid reasons. "oh, you are friends with HER?" was one bullying reason, referring to my friend. Maybe I was socially awkward? I don't know. But that was another reason.

I was also bullied by teachers. One mocked me profusely, one always assumed I was at fault for things... But the worst one was the one who drew a chalk circle outside, big enough to stand in... And forced me to stand there recess and lunch. Why? I don't even remember. Maybe I talked back? Maybe I got into a verbal argument, or a fight... Whatever it was, it didn't justify that. Having students jab, laugh, mock, hit... With him standing there, and he only stepped in to stop me from leaving the circle or defending myself. That really did set in a lack of trust and respect in teachers after that. Took a long time for me to rebuild trust, respect, and confidence...

But I don't hold grudges against any of them. I don't hold it against anyone who bullied me (and trust me there is LONG list of bullies I encountered). But the situations, like the one with that teacher linger pretty vividly in my memories... All that ridicule, that hurt... It won't go away. But I don't let it become me.

I had one nasty teacher like that, who was very cruel to me. She was my 2nd grade teacher and she was an evil gargoyle of a woman. She was so nice to all the other kids in the class, it seemed, but hated me. She'd bring me in front of the class to read my compositions and then make fun of me, and encourage the other students to join in. She actually had me sitting in the corner wearing a 'tattle-tail' for telling on people bullying me.

I later learned that she apparently chose one student each year to abuse, and did this to many other kids. I had an acquaintance who was in her class the next year and experienced the same stuff. His parents put a stop to that though, where I don't know if I even told mine. I was very depressed since starting 1st grade and I usually just bottled it all up, just trying to get through the day with the minimum amount of hassle from bullies. I've had other teachers who didn't like me, so much so that their contempt almost dripped off their words, their actions, but none who actively abused me like her. Luckily I moved mid-year! Into a school where I never even got beat on during school or on school property or on the entire block where the school was (great rules they had! though once off that block it was running time. ). The only problem with teachers I had there is that when they were on strike they wouldn't let me have one of their strike donuts.

Oddly enough, when I was 19 one of my co-workers was a woman who was in that teacher's class the year after me, and she claimed that teacher as the best ever, as her favorite, as her inspiration. She did not believe me at all when I told how monstrous she was.

Like 10 years ago I saw her photo in the newspaper, she was being presented with a lifetime achievement award. That was particularly disgusting. There was her photo in the paper, her looking as evil as ever. I wonder how many students of her gave her a great hurrah and huzzah and farewell, and how many others lived that year in misery? IT would have been fun to get together with any others and picket her award ceremony.

Jeezus, I think for most of my life, up until I was 24/25, I carried around great resentment for the abuse I'd received from bullies. That was ten years ago though, and I've long let it slide away. I just wish I would have learned how to defend myself when I was a kid! I think that would have made all the difference in my life.

 

[Senamian]

Well for me I got it to stop... Grade 5/6 lol. I rebelled against him, and refused to do that stupid chalk circle torture. In the end I think my mom found out... And she made it stop. He was the main reason I was a "bad child" so to speak. I really wasn't though. (he also got the Teacher of the Year award in the paper, which really, grade 3 he was AMAZING... Grade 5/6 he got married and had a baby. Guess he was stressed and took it out on the vunerable aka ones lacking confidence aka me).

But at least what I took from this, is that when my daughter goes to school... I should listen to her. Even if it ends up a "crying wolf" situation, at least it IS that.. Not letting anyone make me believe my kid is a terrible, lying, hateful child. My niece is going through the same thing actually. And know what everyone says? "she's exaggerating." or "she's LYING". People believe adults. Not children.

 

[LifeCoachWithL]

I say make something out of your life and prove them wrong.....people who bully are missing something in their lives so they pick on people to make them feel better about themselves.

 

[Groucho]

I've thought hard about this one.

Can we let go if they're over a several storey drop?

 

[celticlass77]

I was bullied in my previous job by my boss and also suffered verbal abuse from some co-workers. There were some people (ie HR) that I should have raised this with but instead I chose not to rock the boat and let instead I let it fester away inside me and lost so much confidence, plus my self-esteem became really low. Fortunately I have moved on to a much better job but I still feel so bitter and angry whenever I think about the last place. Some days I find it hard to believe I am in a much better job because I don't believe I am worthy of it. So yes I agree it is best to let go for the sake of your own well being.