Chronic loneliness as a pathology

[Despicable Me]

What a ice it has been to have travelled so far and to never have found anyone who understands or accepts you.

To have been told that it's "you" and "your fault" since you were a kid.

I am made of different stuff. I function differently. This excludes me from life, since in life (as outlined by the responses in this thread) you must conform to be included. That is why I will always be alone. I do not conform, I am not like you. I am excluded.

Ha! You don't know how much I can relate to that.
That's what I'm trying to tell you - we might be different but in many ways we are the same. You're rejecting me and my advice for no reason.
I'm not trying to blame you. I'm not saying it's you, nor saying it's your fault. But I am telling you that it doesn't matter who's fault it is because you're the only one with the ability to change things. That you're the one with the power over your life and that it is up to you to decide what you will do with it.

Let me just say that you've obviously not been very receptive to anyone here. Everyone who responded was trying to help and what do you do? You mock them. You mocked me. You think that isn't your fault? Your circumstances might not be your fault at all, but you do have to take some responsibility for your own actions. You should understand why acting like that can and will push people away, and how it could push away potential partners, or even potential friends.

But enough about you, let's talk about me. (lol) I don't face the same circumstances you do, but I absolutely understand what you mean by feeling that you must conform, that everyone expects you to conform, or else be excluded. That is true, that is a reality of some of our circumstances. Like you, people do not judge me by appearance but by the very reality of realizing who and what I am. I am a social reject, I am the exclusion, I am the outcast. That's what I live with, and opening up to people about who I am and what I believe is tragic. It makes me want to be bitter. But I still do not blame the people I meet. I am still friendly, not rude unless they give me a reason to be rude. I give everyone a friendly smile, I try my best to be nice. As I said, you are responsible for your own actions.
I know that most people hate me for just being me, but I see this as ignorance on their part and most importantly I forgive them for it. I forgive them because they have not had the opportunity to learn differently about me. They are as much a victim of their circumstance as I am of mine, even if I am much more an actual 'victim' than they are. Maybe you're more a victim than me. Does that give you any right to be bitter towards me?
I see this as an opportunity. I see this as a positive trait of myself - because I allow myself to be more open minded about all types of people, because I do not want anyone to feel the way I do. And more importantly, I stand up for those who are also rejected. I use society's rejection of people like myself to reject society itself, and to argue for change.

You get me yet? It's not about who's to blame, but if that's important to you then I can tell you that it's certainly not your fault for being who you are. They are mean. They are cruel. And in some ways they deserve the bitterness and cruelty right back to them. But there is a time and a place, and there is also forgiveness. You do not need to be bitter all the time to bring justice to the world. "Justice" is a fiction created by this unjust society. You can be something that changes their minds through example. They can reject you all they want, but what difference should that make to you? If you stay positive even in the bitter times, do you know how strong that makes you? How others, who legitimately have an open mind, will respect you and look up to you? How some might come to love you? How you might find a partner this way?

If you just want to blame people. Then go ahead and blame me. I'll take all the blame you can throw at me. PM me and just rage at me. I'd be fine with that. It is nothing I can't handle. There is nothing I haven't heard. I've been called every name imaginable. It's nothing new.

Don't let that bitterness sink into you just because it is what you've been fed by society. You are conforming to them much more than you realize by rejecting others. They are excluding you, but in many ways you are accepting their exclusion rather than rejecting it and defying them, rather than breaking their rules and preconceived ideas. You are only conforming to be the person they want you to be - miserable, alone, and feeling guilty. You are only torturing yourself, and that is so easy to do when society wants you to be tortured. Defy them.

 

[cumulus.james]

Feel like the only truly lonlely *** here.

Am worthless.

mod edit ~ please do not use that word here.

 

[Despicable Me]

Feel like the only truly lonlely **** here.

Am worthless.

Yeah, you could take my advice.... or you could just keep ignoring me, everyone else, and actually be the loneliest guy here and actually be worthless.

Completely up to you.

 

[BeyondShy]

Yeah, you could take my advice.... or you could just keep ignoring me, everyone else, and actually be the loneliest guy here and actually be worthless.

Completely up to you.

Got to admit you do have good advice.

 

[Batman55]

Where is SophiaGrace? She usually would be helpful, in threads like this

 

[Despicable Me]

Where is SophiaGrace? She usually would be helpful, in threads like this

According to her account she unregistered, I guess.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Where is SophiaGrace? She usually would be helpful, in threads like this

According to her account she unregistered, I guess.

Yeah, she left again.

 

[benj]

I have been coming on this forum since my late 20's. Though I have enjoyed participating, it solved nothing. I've tried sleeping my way out of it, drinking my way out of it, clubbing my way out of it, gambling my way out of it, porn(ing?) my way out of it, and yes medicating my way out of it. Nothing works.

Nothing works.

It is time to stop with the endless advice on how to distract oneself from the loneliness, and start to accept that some of us will always be lonely. It is a permanent state. Once that is accepted, then what? What is the "treatment"? No matter how much Prozac or lamotrigine I'm still going to go to bed and wake up alone every day, I'm still going to spend every holiday and birthday alone, I'm still going to get older and older and lonelier and lonelier. I'm still going to be hurried by the state with no one to grieve for me.

A new approach to chronic loneliness is required. One that accepts it as a pathology which may persist for a lifetime. Then treatment and management can be developed.

Tomo meet a random strangers eye for .5 of a second. for .5 of a second ur not alone.
Day after do the same thing smile and say hello.
Start doing that to all kinds of random ppl.
Start saying a few words about the weather to people on tills in shops.
Join a meetup group and accept you'll be the quiet one at first.
Later when your confidence is built you can start hitchhiking and joining meetup groups, clubs, soceities. You could take up an interest in history, guarantee you no matter what tics and weirdnesses you have you won't be the weirdest person at a local history soceity meeting
Maybe you can try and find another quiet or shy person at work and take the initative in starting conversations and gradually build it up, and be fairly open about the fact you dont have many friends, so you don't freak them out.

I've gone from thinking I'm never gonna have any friends to having 5 friends in six months, the trick is to be smiley and try humour even if you're crap at it.

Simple fact that people like other people that at least try to be good company, I reckon half the time ppl laugh genuinely at jokes that aren't particularly funny cos it just provides the opportunity for a bit of comradely laughter.

You have to try tho, stuff only happens if you make it and usually it's just a case of being practical about it.

"you must conform to be included. That is why I will always be alone. I do not conform, I am not like you. I am excluded."

U don't have to conform much, I have a friend who dresses half male half female, shaves off their eyebrows, has tourettes and gets right up in peoples faces, they still have tons of friends but I wouldnt say they're trying hard to conform with anything.

Your noble hero hard on for yourself is a crap excuse not to try, other people don't conform they just try to listen and respect others and don't put themselves on a pedestal, and they're probably smarter than you judging by your stance.

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I think all this everyone hates me I'm a noble outcast stuff is self important bullshit. Other people don't notice you that much they're too self absorbed.