Complaining about other friends, etc.

[edamame721]

I noticed that I have some friends who like to complain about their other friends or relationships when I'm with them -- how sometimes they don't connect in a meaningful way or are feeling lonely because the other person doesn't make the effort.

And I don't mind listening to it, and I do it myself. But that just really detracts from the time we spend together. We could be building up our friendship but instead, we're talking about what only two other people can solve.

I had a recent interaction that went along these lines and could not fully enjoy my time with my friend. I realized, it's such a vicious cycle -- because you take for granted the people you do have and let them slip away. I don't want to do that anymore.

I wonder if anyone else has ever felt like this?

 

[roguewave]

I have been in this situation with a friend before, and always felt acutely uncomfortable when they started bashing the other person. Sometimes it can be used as a bonding tool. Sounds strange, but creating a common enemy is a tactic used to feel closer to someone. There are a million other reasons too which I'm sure other members will elaborate on. It sounds like you are being used as a hot air vent right now. If it gets to be too much, set boundaries with people before you become that person everyone airs their dirty laundry to.

 

[edamame721]

Thanks roguewave. I've been guilty of doing the same before (without realizing it) and I don't want to be a hypocrite, so it might be a good idea to set some boundaries even before we meet up.

 

[Sci-Fi]

It's what people do. Sometimes you just need to vent and hear it out loud. Talking to yourself doesn't always help, having someone else to listen and give input does.

 

[edamame721]

It's what people do. Sometimes you just need to vent and hear it out loud. Talking to yourself doesn't always help, having someone else to listen and give input does.

You're right, but the problem is if the only thing we do is complain to each other. I think you also need to bring joy into a friendship to keep it healthy.