Constant Insults from a "friend"

[SophiaGrace]

So, I had this friend online who I met while moderating another forum, they were older and in grad school. Every time we would talk they would insult me. So i stopped talking to them and blocked them on facebook.

I really don't understand why some people would feel the need to do this. All i wanted was a friend but it's hard to be friends if they are insulting you all the time, insulting your intelligence, your accomplishments, how you feel, etc.

*shakes head* -_- people.

 

[Drama]

A friend wouldnt insult you. A friend would tell you about your weaknesses while trying not to hurt you.

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It's good that you dont talk to them anymore if they insulted you. Some people just need to make others' lives miserable because their own is.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You did the right thing then, who needs those kinds of people. No one.

 

[VictoryNotVengeance]

I've learned most people are full of honeysuckle and aren't worth investing any of your time into unless they show you otherwise. I'm not trying to be an *******, but I've been burned a lot by many people and it's just how I look at things now.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I've learned most people are full of honeysuckle and aren't worth investing any of your time into unless they show you otherwise. I'm not trying to be an *******, but I've been burned a lot by many people and it's just how I look at things now.

I don't think you are an ******* by saying this. I think people mostly look after themselves.

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You did the right thing then, who needs those kinds of people. No one.

Yeah and the thing is, even if you do talk to them about it, its still there. I just see nothing construtive about them insulting me. I don't see any kindness or support or good will behind it, though if you confront them they might swear it does have good will and there is something wrong with you for not seeing it. Gaslighting the hell out of you.

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A friend wouldnt insult you. A friend would tell you about your weaknesses while trying not to hurt you.

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It's good that you dont talk to them anymore if they insulted you. Some people just need to make others' lives miserable because their own is.

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They weren't thinking about my feelings when they said those things. Nor did I think they were trying to help me. Instead it felt as though they were expressing their dislike for me, which wasn't helpful at all.

 

[swanlake]

Sometimes I think people do this because it makes them feel superior in a weird messed up way.

 

[Tiina63]

People often put others down in order to make themselves feel superior to the person they are putting down. Inside they often feel inferior and this is how they handle it. You are better off without such a 'friend' in your life.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Just a view from the other side of the coin....

I've had people I consider to be good friends that have hurt me deeply but they didn't mean to. I've likely done the same as well.

 

[ensom]

I've had friends like that before. It's never worth keeping someone in your life if the things they say constantly hurt you.

It's tough when that person is in your circle of friends though. That doesn't seem to be the case in your situation, so I'd say just cut off contact. Friends are supposed to make you happy and not cut you down.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Friends don't insult you.

I agree, you're better without them in your life.

 

[labelsorlove3]

If it was downright insults than you did absolutely the right thing by stopping contact with them. But the person may just have issues expressing themselves. Some people try to voice something and it comes out the opposite of what they wanted. I've had a few situations with forums where some of the feedback has been extremely rude and negative but the person who posted the feedback really didn't think what they were doing or saying was wrong.

I'm assuming you told your 'friend' that what he or she said bothered you, but if you haven't maybe you could tell them how you feel and how what they say hurts your feelings. Sometimes people who may not be so great at communicating just need a little direction.

 

[Ghost Boy]

How did you become friends with this person in the first place?

 

[HappyYogi]

It can be for many reasons. A person who invalidates you or insults you could be displaying their true feelings for you, or feel a need to put you down or "one-up" you due to their insecurity, or be socially inept and unaware.

But the bottom line is, whatever the reason, if it's no fun to be around them then there isn't much of a relationship.

There is a book called Mean People and it goes into depth on "invalidators". Good and important read.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It can be for many reasons. A person who invalidates you or insults you could be displaying their true feelings for you,

this is an interesting reason I hadn't considered before.

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Just a view from the other side of the coin....

I've had people I consider to be good friends that have hurt me deeply but they didn't mean to. I've likely done the same as well.

This is an interesting perspective as well. I know i've hurt people before without meaning to as well.

 

[Intranetusa]

1. Are you an (relatively) attractive female?
2. Was this person a guy?

If yes to both of them, I've believe some guys insult women as a type of flirting or pickup strategy. (and apparently it often works)

 

[Frito Bandito]

"Friend" is a word that should be applied sparingly.

 

[MadMonkè]

wow... I'd like to agree you SophiaGrace, on your selected quotes.
perspective....

thank you