Darling, I want to Destroy you

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It was Mine

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Alright, I'm brand new to the site and felt curious and wanted to vent to people who may understand. My venting will be the same as many but this one's my story.

I'm in my early twenty's and spent two years common law with my partner. To spare the long story we ended months ago, at the time I felt it was right but just hours after I knew it was wrong but it was too late. She slept with a number of my friends during a weekend and destroyed what felt to be everything...everything. You spend your whole life growing up with a certain crew, you spend two years with the girl you thought you would marry. Within 12 hours your left raped and bleeding as if you had been murdered because your life has just been taken away.

Months have gone by, and you know, not one single minute has my mind not dwelled on the past. It gives me head aches and makes me sick even now. I dream of going back and fixing it, so not even sleep takes it away. Do I hang out with my old friends? No....some of them had nothing to do with it but why go back. It's not I'm ashamed to go back. I could easily kick the s**t out of the ones i hate. This won't accomplish anything though. She killed me and now i feel that that life is over for me.

So where does this leave me? I have next to no friends....non my age there all minimum 7 years older. I hate the club scene, sure the girls are hot etc etc but its so irritating. And what's with the "bad boy" types getting the girls. Nobody wants violence yet they incite it, and it works. its so strange. It's sick how many girls i knew who fell into that... two for sure are addicted to cocaine and used as well, whores. others had the guys kid only to find out his only income is selling drugs and is abusive because he never wanted to be with just one girl. So it makes you wonder what's the point of even trying to accomplish anything when the one's who are utterly useless to everything get it all anyways.

Alright, this rant is really broken up. but if you made it this far i'm impressed. What did i do to fight this? how do you find woman? one's your actually in to. lets face it, if the attractions not there, at least a little bit, what is there? a friend "which is great don't get me wrong". But we lust for more than that and it's the truth. I started going to the gym. I have a bit of a belly, my arms aren't all that impressive and was tired of waking up thinking i'd rather look like this guy or that guy, "he has women come to him!" etc etc. Did i mention i'm terrible at pick ups? Don't diet they don't work. good solid excersize, i mean it's not like i don't have the time. Always wanted my eye brow pierced, did it. I took night classes in things that interested me, there not all job related. I'm back into music the way i was at 17, It's a momentary escape. Things to do are tough when your by yourself. but that's where i'm at. I wonder if any one reads this and finds themselves in the same position. I have not met any one i have been remotely into. you know the kicker, my ex took a week before she found her new man. and the ex before that same thing. you see it's so easy for women because they just have to sit back and let the contenders roll in.

I have so much to say but i'll end it for now.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
 
hey welcome!
eventhough i will contradict on one of your point about girl finding contenders.
i am a girl, at least i hope. guys don't notice at all. or the ones that do always have a negative intention behind it. i work part time at the mall and there is that guy who work in a store with his girlfriend, who keeps giving me the eye.

i also get the signal that when he is with his girlfriend he would still say hi but his girlfriend does not act happy about it, she would ignore me, or would never say hi even when she is by herself. only if we meet while on a smoke break.

i work in a maternity store and i am serious when i get checked out it's only by guys who are already involved in sthg. that is sthg i have always find out at the end because they come to my store at some point of the year to buy maternity clothes with their wife or grlfriend who is usually accompanied by 2 other kids. example are a guy who work at bestby cell phone booth in the mall, a guy who work at the movie theatre, one at the pretzel place, one is security guard, the one with the girldfriend coworker. many others can't remember..
lately i am just getting played by people. and its just breaking my heart.
i have heartache every so often during the day, everytime it crosses my mind. oh and yeah i have not put my real story up yet. so i will do that in another message.
It was Mine said:
Alright, I'm brand new to the site and felt curious and wanted to vent to people who may understand. My venting will be the same as many but this one's my story.

I'm in my early twenty's and spent two years common law with my partner. To spare the long story we ended months ago, at the time I felt it was right but just hours after I knew it was wrong but it was too late. She slept with a number of my friends during a weekend and destroyed what felt to be everything...everything. You spend your whole life growing up with a certain crew, you spend two years with the girl you thought you would marry. Within 12 hours your left raped and bleeding as if you had been murdered because your life has just been taken away.

Months have gone by, and you know, not one single minute has my mind not dwelled on the past. It gives me head aches and makes me sick even now. I dream of going back and fixing it, so not even sleep takes it away. Do I hang out with my old friends? No....some of them had nothing to do with it but why go back. It's not I'm ashamed to go back. I could easily kick the s**t out of the ones i hate. This won't accomplish anything though. She killed me and now i feel that that life is over for me.

So where does this leave me? I have next to no friends....non my age there all minimum 7 years older. I hate the club scene, sure the girls are hot etc etc but its so irritating. And what's with the "bad boy" types getting the girls. Nobody wants violence yet they incite it, and it works. its so strange. It's sick how many girls i knew who fell into that... two for sure are addicted to cocaine and used as well, whores. others had the guys kid only to find out his only income is selling drugs and is abusive because he never wanted to be with just one girl. So it makes you wonder what's the point of even trying to accomplish anything when the one's who are utterly useless to everything get it all anyways.

Alright, this rant is really broken up. but if you made it this far i'm impressed. What did i do to fight this? how do you find woman? one's your actually in to. lets face it, if the attractions not there, at least a little bit, what is there? a friend "which is great don't get me wrong". But we lust for more than that and it's the truth. I started going to the gym. I have a bit of a belly, my arms aren't all that impressive and was tired of waking up thinking i'd rather look like this guy or that guy, "he has women come to him!" etc etc. Did i mention i'm terrible at pick ups? Don't diet they don't work. good solid excersize, i mean it's not like i don't have the time. Always wanted my eye brow pierced, did it. I took night classes in things that interested me, there not all job related. I'm back into music the way i was at 17, It's a momentary escape. Things to do are tough when your by yourself. but that's where i'm at. I wonder if any one reads this and finds themselves in the same position. I have not met any one i have been remotely into. you know the kicker, my ex took a week before she found her new man. and the ex before that same thing. you see it's so easy for women because they just have to sit back and let the contenders roll in.

I have so much to say but i'll end it for now.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
 
Hi It Was Mine :)

I love the title of this thread. Sorry :D I haven't got anything useful to add.
 
Thank you for your welcomes and re reading my post it is not written very well. but when your lost in an emotional storm it's hard to put words together. That and my minds easily scattered. This seems like a nice site.
 
Being in an emotional storm is quite understandable. You did a fine job of writing it. I wish i had something constructive to offer. Hang around, maybe someone will. Welcome to the forum.
 
After reading your post, I do admit that there is one thing that puzzles me, but overall I will say that it wasn't badly written.

Welcome to the site.
 

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