Dear Mother.....

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

Dear Mother,
What did I do? Why can't you stand me? Why do you see me as pathetic? I'm sorry that you don't love me as much as your drugs. I've been trying my whole life for your warming, motherly touch but all I got was abandonment and Hell when you came in and out of my life. Why did you let your brother rape me? I was a little girl! You let it happen all those years, and all you could say was for me to stay away from him? Was I not worth protecting? Why am I your disappointment? Why do you take every ounce of self esteem I have and throw it away with your beer bottle, just chug it all into the trash. Why do you throw out insults? It shouldn't bring you up when I'm down. How could you steal from me when all I wanted was your love and acceptance? It hurts so much knowing that the one person in this world who is supposed to teach me self esteem and comfort me breaks me down and kicks me down. I suffered through it all only wanting a mom. Do one right thing for me. Please. Just tell me why.

 

[LoneKiller]

Holy Jesus Christ.
If You See This Reply Before Check Your Mail, Know That I Will Be Contacting You Soon.

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

I didn't write this for sympathy. It was my own therapy that I needed to do outloud instead of quietly. I don't talk to other people about any of it so I just posted it here.

 

[Ashariel]

*hugs*

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

*hugs*

That's sweet. Thank You

 

[ladyforsaken]

*hugs*

Hey, Blue, keep being strong. Such a terrible way to grow up, but I'm sure you could take it as a learning experience in some areas. I'm sorry it was unfortunate for you though.

 

[DVEUS]

my heart goes out to you blue...i have suffered many things in my life but i can't imagine that type of suffering...i know you don't know me but if you ever want to talk i'm here...keep your chin up...

 

[hopsfox]

You're brave! *hugs* from me too

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

Omg Thanks guys. That's really sweet. I didn't know what I expected people to say about this post because I don't ever tell anyone any of this stuff but I am very shocked and appreciative of you guy's kindness and support. It's very cool <3

 

[Broken_n_Lost]

<3 <3 <3
My love and respect goes out to you, BES you are great!
Hugs and love.

 

[Bones]

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

 

[Stranger]

*Hugs*
What a terribly unlucky childhood! Be kind to yourself - you deserve a good life after surviving all that...

 

[John654321]

Please understand I do not even pretend to know how you are feeling and the impact that this has had on your young life. Everything I say is meant to be helpful supportive advice. I do know that you have hard and long path ahead of you to resolve these terrible things that have happened to you and I and others on this board are here to help. I do have faith in your ability to get through this, one day at a time, until one day it will be behind you and you can see sunny skies again.

Thanks for sharing and sincerely certainly hope that all this bad stuff is over with and you are now working on healing these deep wounds and maybe even able to seek some professional counseling to help deal with these permanent lifelong heart scars. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT and do not give away an ounce of your self esteem because of your mothers abuse and neglect of you, a child. In time this experience has the ability to make you stronger than ever or haunt you for a lifetime. You need to work on getting stronger and MAYBE?? forgetting about getting an answer as to the WHY. I say this only because if your mom isn’t off the drugs that answer may not be forthcoming and in no way should this stall your recover. Again NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT and the blame is on your mother for not protecting you and abusing and neglecting you, a child. I also really hope you have some good friends that are helping get you through this. As you know nice young lady, you have one here.

PLEASE do not ever choose to indulge in your mother's drugs thinking this could be a solution or coping choice. This would definitely be the wrong choice and this would put us on the “haunt you for a lifetime” path. In the short time I have know you I do get the feeling that you are way smarter than this, but bring it up because I can definitely understand the temptation given what you have been through. Also, I do believe the action of joining this website shows a strong commitment on your part that you are ready to start the work required to get through this.
*Hugs*

Always try hard to make good choices and know that a lifetime of good choices will bring you satisfaction and strength.

Always try hard to do the right thing

Always try hard to focus on your happiness and DONT ignore your emotional needs.

Always try hard to be happy and optimistic.

All are easy to say but hard to do