Do ladies ever make the first move relationship-wise?

[nerdygirl]

Hmm. I suspect one or two things said were intended as light-hearted quips, but that the timing was very unfortunate.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Most women don't make the first move.

 

[ensom]

I hold doors for women and men purely out of politeness, and plenty of women have held doors for me. Where I live at least it seems everyone holds doors for everyone.

To address the topic: pretty clear from the replies that some do I'd love to meet a woman who fancies me enough to make the first move. seems to be the only way I'll ever make it into a relationship because I haven't the guts :rolleyes2:

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's probably the only way I'd get into a relationship, too. I tend to freak out around attractive women that I'm, you know, attracted to.

My comfort zone rises once I get to know her personality. But then, I'm friend zoned, every single time.

I would like to meet a girl, who I find attractive and who finds me attractive, who wants to actually get to know me as something more than friends, and doesn't friend zone me once she gets to know me. I thought I met that girl 2 years ago, but sadly, she was the wrong person...again.

 

[blackdot]

VanillaCreme: geez... quit being so grumpy.
I'm not the one who came up the rule that men are supposed to hold the door for women.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm grumpy now coming from someone so miserable... That almost made me laugh. Cool story, bro.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I hold the door open for everyone! Including women I'm not attracted to, and men, too. I don't hold open doors because I feel a sense of entitlement (being a dude)...I do it because it's the polite and respectable and responsible thing to do.

Women at my college have also held open the door for me. I am a dude. Who cares?

That stuff doesn't even register on my radar. It's something that you do, to be kind and respectable, but it's not something that you should get a prize for.

 

[ensom]

It's probably the only way I'd get into a relationship, too. I tend to freak out around attractive women that I'm, you know, attracted to.

My comfort zone rises once I get to know her personality. But then, I'm friend zoned, every single time.

I would like to meet a girl, who I find attractive and who finds me attractive, who wants to actually get to know me as something more than friends, and doesn't friend zone me once she gets to know me. I thought I met that girl 2 years ago, but sadly, she was the wrong person...again.

I can relate friend. But what's worse is I can't even seem to befriend girls. I get acquaintance-zoned. (is that a thing?)

Ah well.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

It's probably the only way I'd get into a relationship, too. I tend to freak out around attractive women that I'm, you know, attracted to.

My comfort zone rises once I get to know her personality. But then, I'm friend zoned, every single time.

I would like to meet a girl, who I find attractive and who finds me attractive, who wants to actually get to know me as something more than friends, and doesn't friend zone me once she gets to know me. I thought I met that girl 2 years ago, but sadly, she was the wrong person...again.

I can relate friend. But what's worse is I can't even seem to befriend girls. I get acquaintance-zoned. (is that a thing?)

Ah well.

I can make friends easily, but have a hard time keeping them.

Once they realize that, hey, I'm a cool musician dude and everything, but I'm also a geeky nerdy introvert type that likes my own space...that throws all social connections out the window! I am not someone who can get wasted with them; I'd be the designated driver. I am also not someone who likes to be in bars and clubs much, anyway - give me a coffeehouse or bookstore anyday - and because of this, I tend to be dropped by friends more than I drop friends myself.

Even my best friend from high school has changed. He used to be bookish, like me, but now he's the party guy...and I am left behind.

Oh well. It's more fun here, anyway. I get to read the new Stephen King, while they're getting wasted in a bar, surrounded by other people who are all looking like idiots!

 

[blackdot]

Correction. Women have been trained that they are nothing but objects to be used by men. It's a man's world. It's normal for men to ask women out or make the first move and its okay if they get rejected. It's 'normal'.

Men always ***** about women not making the first move but when a woman actually does and she doesn't happen to be pretty and hot, then he says "Oh she's desperate."

Men can fancy a woman and ask her out but when a woman fancies a man, she cannot make the first move because lo and behold, men want to be the hunter/pursuer, they want to know that they did it. And a man would be turned off by a woman asking them out (if she's not hot).

About holding the doors, if you think like that about a woman..I am guessing you have very bad experience with them.

I'm not into the hunt myself. I'd rather a woman ask me out as that would mean she likes me. Makes it much easier to know if there is even a chance for something to work. I have no knowledge as to how the dating process works so I would much rather know who is interested instead of asking a bunch of women who aren't even looking to date anyone.

I haven't heard someone use the "desperate" excuse before. That does sound like a guy excuse though. I never get to hear the guy excuses since I don't ask out guys. *laughs*
I know they would turn them down if they are unattractive but then that's a 2 way street. Both sexes do that one.

Women do seem to unfortunately get trained when they are young to be too I guess you could say submissive in the world. They are taught that they shouldn't go after what they want. It's unfortunate. But on the flip side, when you find a woman that does more aggressive in going after that she wants, she is always too busy to care about anyone else.

And no, I've never had a bad experience with a door.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Okay, I am going to edit my own post, and expand upon it.

I think you're right that some women are raised to believe that it's the man's role to ask her out. However, not every woman follows this. More women than ever are asking out guys.

I've had girls chase me before, but they've given up on me once they see that I'm shy.

 

[annik]

Personally I can't believe we grown ups are bickering about if we should hold doors open for people and I can bicker. I once had a row about Salford, thats not easy to do...

Anyway yeah I think women can and do make the first move. I myself as a shy, insecure type of girl have even done it. For me though I'm not sure it was the best thing to do. I never really felt "wanted" and I wonder if I had felt that more if I'd let him make the moves.

Do men ever feel like that?

 

[Anten]

It's probably the only way I'd get into a relationship, too. I tend to freak out around attractive women that I'm, you know, attracted to.

My comfort zone rises once I get to know her personality. But then, I'm friend zoned, every single time.

I would like to meet a girl, who I find attractive and who finds me attractive, who wants to actually get to know me as something more than friends, and doesn't friend zone me once she gets to know me. I thought I met that girl 2 years ago, but sadly, she was the wrong person...again.

This happens to me a lot even thought I have a friend(girl) that tells me that strong relationships start out as great friendships. So if you ever find this to be true you tell me how it went down.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I was always told in the past that it was a man's duty to initiate an interaction with a girl and that she will only wait for you to make that move. Such rules as this have always annoyed me to no end. If I attempted to make a "move," I would always feel like an unwelcome creep about it for some abstract reason and fail miserably in the end. Overall, I cannot grasp what the proper manner of approaching a woman should be and what I need to say, so I just don't bother with it at all, really. Ouch, I can feel the pain returning once again...

 

[VanillaCreme]

There is no set way or proper way to do it. Everyone's different.

 

[ShybutHi]

Most girls passively make the first move but trying to get your attention but unless she makes an aggressive attempt it mostly goes unnoticed.

I think that is totally true, unnoticed especially when it comes to a shy, quiet, inexperienced guy. I may have had this happened multiple times, I have had a few odd stares, women being strangely nice and seemingly wanting to be really really close (physically) to me, like sitting really close to me and walking really close to me and such.
It is impossible for me to know for sure though because I suck at reading signs and dont like to flirt with random women or try to pull on a night out. Anyway if they really were actually trying to get my attention, they are way way too subtle about it to the point that it is pretty pointless. lol

Oh well if they really were attracted then they would of made more effort... Hahahaha

 

[In a lonely place]

Anyway yeah I think women can and do make the first move. I myself as a shy, insecure type of girl have even done it. For me though I'm not sure it was the best thing to do. I never really felt "wanted" and I wonder if I had felt that more if I'd let him make the moves.

Do men ever feel like that?

I think men feel obliged to make it clear if they are interested in a woman. Though I personally do like clear signals from a woman that I wouldn't be rejected out of hand.
I wouldn't be offended if a girl/woman asked me outright if I wanted to go out with her.

 

[annik]

Anyway yeah I think women can and do make the first move. I myself as a shy, insecure type of girl have even done it. For me though I'm not sure it was the best thing to do. I never really felt "wanted" and I wonder if I had felt that more if I'd let him make the moves.

Do men ever feel like that?

I think men feel obliged to make it clear if they are interested in a woman. Though I personally do like clear signals from a woman that I wouldn't be rejected out of hand.
I wouldn't be offended if a girl/woman asked me outright if I wanted to go out with her.

I think thats true. Personally I think it's nicer to be the one being pursued (for want of a better word) rather than the one doing the pursuing. It's made me feel more wanted and valued in relationships. I was just wondering as men tend to pursue more if they feel less wanted? Or is getting the girl they go after enough.

Oh and I just gasped when I read your sig, build a rocket boy!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think thats true. Personally I think it's nicer to be the one being pursued (for want of a better word) rather than the one doing the pursuing. It's made me feel more wanted and valued in relationships. I was just wondering as men tend to pursue more if they feel less wanted? Or is getting the girl they go after enough.

Oh and I just gasped when I read your sig, build a rocket boy!

To me, personally, I have a problem with shyness...so it doesn't matter if she's my dream girl. I still would have trouble approaching her.

In fact, even if she was my dream girl, and was giving me all of the signals that she liked me...I still would flub it up! I had that happen once, and I ended up getting friendzoned...even though she was clearly saying to everyone, including me, that she liked me as more than a friend.

There is just so much pressure on guys in regards to their role in dating. For those of us that are insecure or have shyness issues, these pressures are magnified, sometimes to the point of extremes where it's physically impossible for someone to ask a girl out. This is how so many men end up lonely. It's not really the fault of anyone, but classic gender roles don't make it easier. It would be easier for me personally if I was asked out.

And I hate to butt in on the last line, but was that an Elbow reference? I love the band. Have all of their albums.

 

[suckaG]

not only do women graciously hold the door open for me, but they also pursue me with the ravenous hunger of a she-hunter out on the prowl. all of them.