nope_real
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2009
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- 91
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The only person i'm talking to properly at the moment seems to be a work buddy who just wants company to drink with. I think if I lost him and my girlfriend my life would discintegrate. I don't think I would leave my flat, but they keep me hanging on. I worry that sometimes the feeling of just vanishing is too much, just get on a bus and not turn up to work. In a selfish way, it would be easier if they did just leave. Relationship with my mum is at an all time low. Saw my dog the other day which made me happy, wine bottles lined the flat from front to back there. Girlfriend was insisting they are alcoholics. Shes never seen alcoholism, its more destructive than that, and hurts more, isn't coherent, and wont talk to you. Think the past five years have got the better of me now, my eyes are always bloodshot and I seem to have had all three growing spells at the age of 21. Life is a dream these days. When you're really young there is consistency, it feels like normality, as though you are protected by some divine intervening spirit and that in some bizzare way -- the universe centers around your existence and has a path for you to take. I've always wanted to believe in pure logic, reason, science and maths, but back then I never did. I know i'm on my own now and that nothing is stopping that bus or me getting on it, only myself. Life has become so distorted, never seems to be any sleep. I've had enough of it. Everyone needs to sleep.