Embracing my loneliness

[heretostay]

without going into a lot of details, ive decided its time to stop running from my loneliness, to stop being ashamed of it, and to stop trying to make it go away. instead, im going to embrace it.

Ive stopped indulging in self-pity. the thoughts still come up, but i dont entertain them. instead im trying to focus on what im grateful for- the things i do have instead of the things i dont. its hard. there are a lot of things i want to feel sorry for myself about.

i also bought a little journal and a book called The laws of the Spirit. im going to hike to a solitary spot by the river and read that book and journal. just me and my dog. im going to do it every day for a week- starting next week.

Im not exactly sure what i hope to find; only that i have tried and tried to make friends and its just not happening and im tired of feeling miserable. i just hope to find some peace of mind. Maybe i need to learn how to be my own friend. i have not been very nice to myself.

I actually feel a little better already.

 

[Badjedidude]

Congrats! I find that the biggest problem with those who are lonely or depressed because they are single is that they THINK that they HAVE to be in a relationship. We live in a society that tells us that if someone is single, that person is defective somehow...which is completely wrong. The biggest breakthrough a lonely/depressed person can make is to understand that it's OK to be single--and to get to know oneself on a deeper level. No more judging yourself according to your relationship status! ^_^

Hope the book is a good read!

----Steve

 

[BornMisfit]

I'm not sure about 'embracing' it, but I seem to have 'accepted' it, which in one way is good, because it doesn't fill my mind so much anymore, but in another way it's bad, because I've lost the desire to try and 'get out there' to meet people, to make friends, to find a man, to be in another state of being except being alone.

The state of 'aloneness' is my situation rather than the state of 'loneliness' - the two are very different. Loneliness is the luxury of those who have family and/or friends in their life, whereas I have neither family nor friends whatsoever; so it's the state of being 100% alone in the world that I seem to have finally come to terms with, and it feels refreshing.

 

[heretostay]

Congrats! I find that the biggest problem with those who are lonely or depressed because they are single is that they THINK that they HAVE to be in a relationship. We live in a society that tells us that if someone is single, that person is defective somehow...which is completely wrong. The biggest breakthrough a lonely/depressed person can make is to understand that it's OK to be single--and to get to know oneself on a deeper level. No more judging yourself according to your relationship status! ^_^

im married...lol

 

[Elieser]

Married and lonely. That doesn't sound too good.

Either way, a couple of years ago I suddenly just stopped caring as much as I used to. I really don't feel lonely anymore. It happens, but only rarely. The thing is to have interests and hobbies and passions to fill your life. Sometimes I stop dead in my tracks, thinking that I'm such a loser, but then I have a look at my former friends with all their children and nagging and responsibilities, and I think to myself how sweet it is to be alone.

Then there are the mornings when I fail to find a reason to get out of bed, but mostly I'm fine. Conventionality, as I think Badjedidude implies, is not necessarily the "right" way to go. I know for a fact that conventional people have those mornings too.

 

[heretostay]

but in another way it's bad, because I've lost the desire to try and 'get out there' to meet people, to make friends, to find a man, to be in another state of being except being alone.

that is not good to lose the desire to try and get out there. i havent really lost that desire, im just not panicing anymore that i cant seem to make friends even when i do "get out there." i guess im trying to accept things the way they are without trying to force them to be any different. im doing everything i can and i was putting a lot of pressure on myself to make things the way i thought they should be. so instead of continuing to try and force my loneliness away im just going to embrace it. but i haven't given up on getting out there.

---

The thing is to have interests and hobbies and passions to fill your life.

yes, this is the key. i cant force myself to have friends; but i can force myself to find interests, hobbies, and other passions in my life. im going to be moving soon and volunteer at the YMCA as a coach. i hope it goes well. im looking forward to it.

 

[Elieser]

Now you're talking, Heretostay. Volunteering with the YMCA sounds like a great way to do some good and, which is my main reason for nodding with approval here, make friends. Good decision. Best of luck.

Edit: love your signature. I shall steal it for whenever I next have a conversation.