Escape

[Arnaert]

Ever since I was a child I've felt like an alien. I've never been able to fit in anywhere. People don't like me. They ignore me, outcast me, they've even picked on me. They've told me I've aspergers which I guess translates to me being screwed for life. I've just been so sensitive and vulnerable throughout this. People keep doing horrible things to me. My family has physically and mentally abused me. I've been sexually assaulted by people on multiple occasions. Yet I've kept thinking that it's possible that someone could see something good, something worthwhile in me. & there have been times when I met such awesome people. Good, lovely, people. They're so good to everyone, but I'm the one they can't stand. So I guess I really am a piece of honeysuckle. No matter how much I try I'm the piece of honeysuckle. I'm 20 years old and I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of being a loser, a nothing. My words don't matter. Nothing about me matters. I'm just taking up space. I've seen 3 shrinks in the past year. None of them really helped. I was even put on meds at one point, that did more bad than good. So what can I do? How could I possibly escape this unending pain? I tried killing myself last night, but I woke up this morning. Wtf am I doing wrong?! How many pills and cuts does it take to die?! & I sent a message to one of these lovely people telling them what I was gonna do. This morning there was no response. They just kept going with their day. I was constantly trying to make these people happy because good people deserve to be happy. But I try to kill myself and it doesn't matter. Because I've never mattered. I feel trapped and as much as I wish there was another way to escape all of this there isn't. There's just one.

 

[LonelyAtNight]

Dear Arnaert,

I do hope you are around tomorrow,

I'll be looking for You!!!!

John H

 

[Altoids]

I understand it's very difficult. There's a lot of people here that can vouch for that. And at the same time, there's many people who don't even have the luxury of being able to post about this online. There are even people in worse situations. But despite their poor quality of life, there's the rare case where they are able to turn it all around, despite the odds. It may seem hopeless now, but you never know when there will be a plot-twist in your life's story. Sometimes it's worth it to just go one more day to see what happens. You never know. Tomorrow you might just strike fortune.

 

[Peaches]

Dear Arnaert, the "day after" sucks, the week after sucks, please hang in there after two weeks it gets better, I promise, sometimes a month. You seem to have gone through so much, also I would be doubtful about the asperger's syndrome because it's easy to stick a label on people, and everyone is bound to have some after effects after experiencing all that you have lived, it doesn't mean at all that the diagnosis is true or that it is forever. Please concentrate on the situation and see if something can be changed, make a drawing, make a list, it takes a huge amount of creativity to change one's own life and try to get what you really need and become like the people you admire, although if they make you feel like a piece of honeysuckle perhaps they are not the best people, really. You are so not a piece of honeysuckle, you are an alien, and aliens are cool although often misunderstood
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_Who_Fell_to_Earth_(film)

love from another alien

 

[Will8285]

When I was in Afghanistan one of our marines asked his immediate superior for sleeping pills. When he apologized and said he didn't have any, the junior marine took his rifle, put it on burst, and put the rifle to his head. He got three shots off. That was one of the hardest situations I've ever had to deal with. No one wanted to talk about it, we were marines. I talked to the chaplain for months, but to this day I still feel like it wasn't enough. Please don't kill yourself. Is there anything I can do to help?

 

[Veruca]

Dear Arnaert,

You are as worthy and have as much right to be here, to be alive, to live, like the rest of us. There are people in the world who have done horrible, incredibly cruel things, and even they live, society, people, governments pardon them, their life if not their freedom. So please, do not for an instance believe that you have no worth.

Things don't always make themselves clear for everyone, and the world is a cruel and harsh place, but I believe, I know...that someday....somehow, we all get a glimpse of what we are meant to do, of our worth.

So please hang in there dear friend. You do matter. You never know what you might be worth or to whom.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Arnaert, please please don't try to kill yourself. You sound like a gentle, caring and loving person and I wish I could sit with you face to face for several hours and just listen to you and try and help you. Most of us on here have gone through similar things to you and it is so hard and painful to keep going, but at the same time, as one of the posters above said to you, you could have something good come into your life soon. If you do have Aspergers, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I have it, and it isn't the worst problem in the world.

 

[JasonM]

My words don't matter.

By my count there have been a few responses to your words at this point. If what you said was true, such would not be the case.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

-_-.... oh the world we live in where I cannot explain things to people. No matter, I suggest lie therapy. You know it is where you lie to yourself so much that you can no longer tell it is a lie.