Expectations

[Gutted]

Among your family, do you ever feel that people had/have higher or lower expectations of you compared to others for whatever reason?

I have two older Brothers. As time has passed on, expectations of me not only by family, but by others seems to have gone up and up. My Mum doesn't seem to have achieved anything significant in her life. My oldest Brother as far as I know, never sat his exams in Secondary, or High School as it is known to people not of the UK. My second oldest Brother did his exams but didn't do so well. He went onto College but didn't do so well there either. As for me, I've always tried a little, if not a lot harder then them. As a result, if I do even remotely bad at something, it's like a massive crime. An example lies with work. My Mum hasn't worked for many many years. My second oldest Brother hasn't worked for a good few years. My oldest Brother hasn't been seen in years because he caused a lot of trouble in the local area. I don't work for less then three months and it's -OMG GET A JOB- from them. It can be very very annoying sometimes. Even stressful as I push myself to find work. That said, these pushes do help me to succeed where they have failed. So it is not all bad.

Peace out maaaan x]

 

[IgnoredOne]

I have the opposite; my brother has done better than me financially, so the pressure I always get is something akin to, "You have failed, why are you not as good as the firstborn? You're just lazy and stupid and you can't ever make the right decisions. "

 

[Montreal Skye]

I was never as good/smart/successful/funny/pretty as my older sister was. I was reminded of that constantly. But then, my parents and siblings were uniquely cruel. Their remarks did the opposite to me, pushed me further down, battering my self-esteem. I was only able to climb back up when I rid myself of them completely a few years back. I always had the notion that I'd prove to them that I was better...but I never did that because I lost my confidence. Now though, I know I'm better, although I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I find it ironic that they said "get a job" when they don't work...speaks volumes of their lack of respect for you...seems they want to keep nitpicking no matter what you do.

 

[whispers]

Guess its time you tell them to get a life lol, so you can live yours... At the same time i think they are just affraid you will do as they did, they have higher hopes for you

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sounds like you are the last hope to have a child who makes more out of their life than what your siblings have. I think most parents have bigger aspirations for their children to have a better life than they did.

 

[Gutted]

Thank you for your comments guys. I don't mean to paint a bad picture of my Family. They can be nice and helpful when I need them. None the less, what I say is the truth lol. Feel free to tell me of your experiences if you haven't already~

 

[Trent]

i don't have a relationship with anyone in the position to judge me anymore

it's quite nice

i truly have no problem looking at anyone and saying:

"i could not care less what you think, but you will show me respect"

 

[LoneKiller]

My father did expect a little more from me than my brother in various ways. When I became ill though, he was still every bit as loving. Not one day goes by that I don't fell like a complete letdown to him.

 

[diamondintherough]

I have the same with my bro. He is like my family's favourite. He doesn't work at all all he does is mess about at home so he has been failing at school lately even today the head teacher called my mum to tell her that he really has been misbehaving and not doing any work. When it comes to me I work my arse off because my mum has always said I'm dumb and now I've become academic. If I do one thing bad I'm in big trouble yet my brother is not.

 

[Callie]

My family has a lower expectation of me.
They assume that everything is my fault and I'll just make things worse. But what's funny is that when things get beyond them being able to deal with it, they start saying what I've said all along, they start looking to me for the answers. I'm not "perfect" like my brothers are, I was the "problem" child, but that's fine, I don't expect anything from them. The only time I seem to be good enough for them to bother with is when I'm the "charity case."

 

[lolgirl]

I never measured up to what my mom wanted as a daughter. She was always on me about something, grades or my hair, something. She died 5 years ago and I always wanted a friendship with her as a adult
I tried doing all she said even after I was married. Made my husband mad. She took everyones side but mine. Probably three times in my life she took my side.
Now my kids and my husband use every chance to correct me. I never say anything right and they take turns letting me know on a hourly basis.
How in the world did I get that college degree without them telling me the answers????

 

[BrokenInside]

I am the eldest of three and the only daughter. I have been a topper till my college. I did choose the career my parents wanted me to. I have been struggling ever since then. My dad does show disappointment coz he was expecting a lot from me. My mom and brothers have been a great support for me. I feel guilty that i let them down.

 

[SophiaGrace]

My family expects me to go and get a Phd.

I honeysuckle you not. (._.)

 

[WishingWell]

When I was a young child, I got a 98 on a test in school, and my Father said, Why didn't you get 100? His tone was serious. He seemed to be very demanding about me being perfect all the time. What 4th grader gets up at 4 a.m. to study for tests? ME! I became I perfectionist. I graduated high school 5th out of 515 students in my class, and I didn't have a happy day in the four years I went. I would always carry home every book in my locker, and my Sister who was a B student, did well and was happy and never took a book home in four years. My Father favored me for being his first child of 3 (my Brother had learning problems) and I wonder if my achievements were part of it. In any event, IT WASN'T WORTH IT ONE BIT! I ended up hating school, not going to college, and even though I did well in the administrative field, and loved my job, I could have made more of myself. Then, I became disabled anyway, so what difference did it all make?

 

[Trent]

When I was a young child, I got a 98 on a test in school, and my Father said, Why didn't you get 100? His tone was serious. He seemed to be very demanding about me being perfect all the time. What 4th grader gets up at 4 a.m. to study for tests? ME! I became I perfectionist. I graduated high school 5th out of 515 students in my class, and I didn't have a happy day in the four years I went. I would always carry home every book in my locker, and my Sister who was a B student, did well and was happy and never took a book home in four years. My Father favored me for being his first child of 3 (my Brother had learning problems) and I wonder if my achievements were part of it. In any event, IT WASN'T WORTH IT ONE BIT! I ended up hating school, not going to college, and even though I did well in the administrative field, and loved my job, I could have made more of myself. Then, I became disabled anyway, so what difference did it all make?

sometimes things don't pan out, do you think you would have been better off for achieving less in school?

i'm not trying to be an ass, i promise you that.

it's just that i am instilling the same thing in my daughter: that school should be your very best endeavor. and that anything less than your personal best is failure.

however, i practice what i preach. i just spent three days and likely 20 hours of work on an assignment worth 15 points that i am sure none of my classmates spent more than an hour or two on. in addition to the one page answer sheet she wanted turned in, i also submitted a graphical depiction of the hierarchy complete with users/groups/permissions. i also went above and beyond and set security permissions for the C: drive and set up a restore point on my virtual machine. she asked me to do none of this, however i know it would need to be done in a real-world environment.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I said I grew up in a dysfunctional enviorment. I never said I grew up in a trailor park...ffs.

The competing, comparing, love earning, guilt trip, expectations, shame, blame,..ect
are very unhealthy behaviors and ideas..

My father was extreemly strick and a disciplinarian. God forbid I split milk.
Nothing I did for good enough for that man......
honeysuckle..I took C programming when I was a freshman in HS.
Learn the crazy train solo note for note on my own at 12.....
Made over $80K p/year at 22...still contining to further educate myself.
I made more money and ripped on the six string alot more than my father....
I just wanted him to love me.....Im his son.

My duaghter makes more money in a month than most people make in a year...
She just wants her mother and I to love her.
My blood runs through her vains......

[youtube]bKWdsnGuFUM[/youtube]

 

[WishingWell]

I am sure my Father had good intentions, I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT I became a very nervous child, which affected the functions of my stomach and my kidneys. I was terrified of not getting 100% on a test even though my Father NEVER physically touched me. His words made me feel low, and I think this contributed to what could have been great self esteem, into having such low self-esteem that in 6th grade I wanted to commit suicide for coming in second in a Spelling B. I felt I never fit in with anyone. My Disability was from a slip and fall on ice and I hit my head on a boulder. I developed Temporal Epilepsy from that, which also affects your mood sometimes. I started having panic attacks, agoraphobia, major depression, I was a cutter, and I have OCD. I wonder how much was from the fall. Anyway, my self-esteem is still terrible. I am 55 years old, and it was only last year that I started trying to do things myself that I could have all along; i. e., hang up a picture, install a printer from the wires that were already in place....well I think you may understand now...OR NOT.