Expression of mind

[skep]

I am sad. I feel like my problems never go away. And you know what? They never do. For anybody. Problem is, is that I am not just experiencing just a run of the mill depression. My mind actually portrays a picture and logical explanation of why I should feel as bad as I feel.

I have no one to really talk to, to really let it all out. Because, I am ashamed of my own inner difficulties. I don't know how unique they really are, but since anyone with my type of emotional roller coasters and confusions probably do not talk about them anyway, I guess there isn't much of a chance I can know. But, here, where I can hide behind a screen, I can let it all out.

The inner hurt is curled up like a ball of dust between my chest and my abdomen. Or more like jelly. Whatever, that didn't make sense. But that is how I feel.

I feel different than the rest of the people in this world. While acquaintances want to go out to party, get drunk, and dance; I just want the peace and quiet of being home.
Not only that, but in a social situation there is a strong chance that I will feel very awkward. Not knowing what to say, when to say it; and when I do, it may come out weird.
I guess maybe I just perceive things in a very different fashion.

Being around girls, can put me in a feeling of stress. I am a guy, and I guess I am admitting that I have a communication problem with the opposite sex. That is a very big problem that distresses me a lot.
It's not that I am not likeable, it's more like I always get put in the "friend zone" (and I am sure the guys here know what I am talking about). And that's only if I actually do get to some kind of 'zone'.
Or maybe I put myself there. I do not know. But, when it gets down to it, that's the fact.

I feel lonely. I want love. As mushy and non-macho as that sounds, that is the truth. I am one hundred percent honest with myself, and with you.
I just want the feeling of curling up at bed in the middle of the night with someone I love. Someone to talk with about anything and everything.

I just don't have any more to say. I just wanted to get that out. It's not even the half of it, but it's something.

I always ask myself if I should take the exit. The road doesn't seem so much paved anymore. I am confused. I don't even know if what I say makes sense anymore. I don't know if anything I wrote here made sense to anyone but myself. Well, at least I expressed it. I guess that's what's important.

 

[Angelo91]

Hey Skep,

I dont have much to say, but when I read your story I I felt like I was reading about my life...

I was just thinking the other day about how much I feel different than everyone els too. It certaintly isnt a blessing at all. Its like I just dont fit into this world. Highschool sucks, I have no friends, just a bunch of dead end aquantences. I feel so alone.

I keep thinking of a way out. Suicide sounds good to me, but cant make myself to do it. I wish I was never brought into exsistence.

Im glad that you wrote because atleast I know im not alone now, and you can think that too.

Angelo

 

[dan0192]

I think I am somewhat similar myself on the needing someone to love so to speak and I have always been put into the friends zone aswell.

I do like going out for a drink with friends and getting somewhat drunk (not the puking, cant rembmer who I am or how to walk straight drunk just sorta merry ^^) but sadly opertunities to do so are very few and veeerrryy far in between.

Unsure what advice to give or if there even is any other than suicide is never the answer, can just say I do sort of understadn at least some of what your saying.

And we definatly are not alone, there are many people here with similar feelings to you.

 

[sappy]

i feel you man....thats why we are here...im sure everything you just described above everyone on this forum has been through in some way or another ...myself included... im confused, i go to school, hold a job and have good friends yet i still feel as good as alone... the only thing you can do is keep trudging through it, as bad as it gets and just make it to tomorrow...and believe that one day the "screw it " switch will flip on and your problems will dissolve, for you wont care and just do. throwing your hands up and saying screwit......thats the hardest part

 

[Renkei]

WE should all just have a big cuddle together.
i feel the same way.

 

[PoisonFlowers]

What you've written makes perfect sense to me. I can relate to much of what you've written here. I sometimes question: "why do I have to fail at being social? What's wrong with me?"

I never tell anyone about this - it's more of an inner interrogation where the interrogated sits there with no answer. As usual.

I keep people at a distance. Put on masks. Have a good time maybe. But I'll still be lonely.

I feel lonely. I want love. As mushy and non-macho as that sounds, that is the truth. I am one hundred percent honest with myself, and with you.
I just want the feeling of curling up at bed in the middle of the night with someone I love. Someone to talk with about anything and everything.

Who cares about "being macho?" We're human; we need love.

Don't give up. As you can see, you're not alone at all. *big cuddle pile lol*

 

[loraindeniso]

hi there...

I made my own meaning for it a long time ago. I like to say that it means "Mind your pleasantries and quirks." It could also be referring to the fact that the letter "p" and the letter "q" could easily be switched when learning to write by youngsters...the only difference is the line on the left or right.