Case
Well-known member
This is where I out myself for being a jerk. (You may or may not disagree with my take on this experience.)
I was sitting in my parked car today looking for an address on my phone when I looked up and saw a very beautiful woman standing outside her car. She was smartly dressed in a black suit, probably killing time before a job interview or a business meeting, and she was also checking her phone. The sight of her made me sigh with that feeling of longing one has whenever we admire something (or someone) beautiful.
Then, her other hand, which had been obscured from my view, appeared with a lit cigarette. She lifted her hand to her mouth and took a drag from the tobacco stick, and smoke trailed away from her with the exhale in a hazy fog behind her.
My sudden reaction? Disappointment. I went from finding her attractive to thinking she was less attractive in the span of a few seconds.
That's when the guilt hit me like a thunderous tsunami wave. I asked myself, why was I judging her based on a personal life choice? Why the sudden shoulder-sag of disappointment upon seeing a cigarette in her hand?
I wondered why I was feeling guilty, and I think I figured it out. I felt bad that I was judging her character based on a health choice I would not make myself. My first instinct seeing this woman was that I found her physically appealing. I did not know her, so I was basing this attractiveness on one thing: superficial looks. Then, when I saw the cigarette, the disappointment hit me because I don't date smokers. It's not that I ever had a chance to date this woman, but in my head, if I had a moment's thought to approach her, the smoking ended all possibility of that happening. The guilt came from the fact that I have friends who are smokers, and that disappointment made me feel that I had a deep-seated disappointment in my smoker-friends, which is not true. While I think it would be better that my smoker-friends chose a healthier lifestyle, I know that it is none of my business.
I also have a fundamental respect for my fellow humans. I am one of the least cynical people you will ever meet because I feel that people are basically good-hearted. The ones who do bad things are much more rare than one would expect, at least, based on my personal experience. So, when I judged this stranger for smoking, I felt like kicking myself because I felt like I was dismissing a woman simply for having a habit. It'd be if a woman judged me for ordering a hamburger at a restaurant because she disapproves of meat-eaters. She might have been brilliant. She might have known how to play the cello, or she might have written a book, composed a sonnet, had kids, built a business, or done any number of cool, interesting things. And I just dismissed her.
It makes me feel like a jerk.
I was sitting in my parked car today looking for an address on my phone when I looked up and saw a very beautiful woman standing outside her car. She was smartly dressed in a black suit, probably killing time before a job interview or a business meeting, and she was also checking her phone. The sight of her made me sigh with that feeling of longing one has whenever we admire something (or someone) beautiful.
Then, her other hand, which had been obscured from my view, appeared with a lit cigarette. She lifted her hand to her mouth and took a drag from the tobacco stick, and smoke trailed away from her with the exhale in a hazy fog behind her.
My sudden reaction? Disappointment. I went from finding her attractive to thinking she was less attractive in the span of a few seconds.
That's when the guilt hit me like a thunderous tsunami wave. I asked myself, why was I judging her based on a personal life choice? Why the sudden shoulder-sag of disappointment upon seeing a cigarette in her hand?
I wondered why I was feeling guilty, and I think I figured it out. I felt bad that I was judging her character based on a health choice I would not make myself. My first instinct seeing this woman was that I found her physically appealing. I did not know her, so I was basing this attractiveness on one thing: superficial looks. Then, when I saw the cigarette, the disappointment hit me because I don't date smokers. It's not that I ever had a chance to date this woman, but in my head, if I had a moment's thought to approach her, the smoking ended all possibility of that happening. The guilt came from the fact that I have friends who are smokers, and that disappointment made me feel that I had a deep-seated disappointment in my smoker-friends, which is not true. While I think it would be better that my smoker-friends chose a healthier lifestyle, I know that it is none of my business.
I also have a fundamental respect for my fellow humans. I am one of the least cynical people you will ever meet because I feel that people are basically good-hearted. The ones who do bad things are much more rare than one would expect, at least, based on my personal experience. So, when I judged this stranger for smoking, I felt like kicking myself because I felt like I was dismissing a woman simply for having a habit. It'd be if a woman judged me for ordering a hamburger at a restaurant because she disapproves of meat-eaters. She might have been brilliant. She might have known how to play the cello, or she might have written a book, composed a sonnet, had kids, built a business, or done any number of cool, interesting things. And I just dismissed her.
It makes me feel like a jerk.