Finally at peace

[Iceman1978]

You know, it's finally dawned on me. I could spend years (and have spent years) being depressed over the way I look. No matter what I do, no matter what kind of clothes I wear, what kind of car I drive, or what I do to my hair, it will not change the fact that I have an ugly face. Nothing will ever change that.

I have accepted this, and have come to the conclusion that this is no different than a terminal illness. I'm at peace now, knowing that this will one day be over. I'm not going to end it right away, not with Christmas less than six months away. I will likely wait until January.

You guys have been nice, and for that I am grateful.

 

[Locke]

You're not going to end it until January?!

You might not remember, but I told you this before: You need to accept that you have a problem. Not with how you look, but with how you think you look. This is not a terminal illness. You can get past it and learn to be happy.

I'm glad you feel at peace, but the fact that you talk about "waiting til january" proves it is not enough.

You can do better. How about admitting you need help, and waiting until january 2053 before you make any rash decisions? You might be much happier by then.

 

[Sigma]

Why are your looks such a big problem that it warrants you comparing it to a terminal illness and talk about "ending it"?
It seems a bit unfair to those who are bound to a bed in hospital with some sort of condition, disease or disfigurement who wish they could live a life where their biggest problem was being "ugly".
I must admit I'm not completely familiar with your story, maybe you've been around a lot of mean spirited individuals, maybe you've had bad luck with the ladies, but having bad looks doesn't prevent you from gaining friends or finding a partner. If anything it filters out the shallow lot who can't see below the surface.
And then there's the fact that looks are subjective, while you're stating it as if it were set in stone for every person on the planet. If I recall correctly you were the guy in the Duke Nukem costume. If that was you then I can say you've no reason to be complaining about your looks.
If you're really so dead set on hating your appearance try and invest in other areas, educate yourself, find a hobby, play an instrument, explore your talents, there's more than looks that makes people attractive to others.
Those are the things that define you, not just your facial features, so ask yourself again if your life literally revolves around just that part.

 

[Iceman1978]

You're not going to end it until January?!

You might not remember, but I told you this before: You need to accept that you have a problem. Not with how you look, but with how you think you look. This is not a terminal illness. You can get past it and learn to be happy.

I'm glad you feel at peace, but the fact that you talk about "waiting til january" proves it is not enough.

You can do better. How about admitting you need help, and waiting until january 2053 before you make any rash decisions? You might be much happier by then.

Yes..in January.

I am going on a cruise with my family this October, a cruise which I've paid for, and I'm going to enjoy it. After that it will be too close to Christmas. My family has been very good to me, probably more so than I deserve, and I'm going to spend Christmas with them.

Get help? No amount of therapy will change how I look. Unless I can be given a face transplant or have multiple cosmetic surgeries, I don't see things ever improving.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm sorry, but the way you talk about it... I'd rather be ugly as I am than to ever have any sort of illness. Be appreciative of the fact that you have the health you do have.

 

[Locke]

Get help? No amount of therapy will change how I look. Unless I can be given a face transplant or have multiple cosmetic surgeries, I don't see things ever improving.

Okay, third time I'm telling you this now: You don't need to change the way you look. You need to change the way you think about how you look. You need to admit that you have a problem if you ever want to be truly happy.

You look fine. It is your thinking that is the problem.

EDIT: I apologise if I come off as insensitive. Seeing someone post that they're going to end their life soon is a bit unsettling.

 

[African_weasel]

Good job, I had a problem with the way I looked too. I was over weight and still am but I'm working on that. At least you didn't sell out to plastic surgery.

 

[Iceman1978]

Good job, I had a problem with the way I looked too. I was over weight and still am but I'm working on that. At least you didn't sell out to plastic surgery.

Oh I've had plastic surgery.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Good job, I had a problem with the way I looked too. I was over weight and still am but I'm working on that. At least you didn't sell out to plastic surgery.

Oh I've had plastic surgery.

And yet, you're still unhappy. So what does that tell you? It's a deeper issue than just looks. It doesn't matter what you look like, you'd still be unappreciative.

 

[NightHawkJohn]

Have you tried therapy for how you feel, i really think i may help as you look great you really don't have a ugly face its just how you perceive it internally if you could get yourself to believe that you look fine i think you would do well.

 

[Solivagant]

I agree with the posts above me.

Iceman, I have been overlooked and put down all my life, and I know how bad it feels, how it can affect you, and how hard that is to undo. I know how it seems like no one could ever look past the exterior and find you loveable. People can be so cruel, and I'm sorry if you've been subjected to that.

You have shown me your photo, and I can't possibly be the only woman out of billions in this world who thinks you're good-looking. But I feel like we could tell you this a thousand times here and it still wouldn't make a dent in your self-image.

I don't know how to help you with just words, but regardless of your actual attractiveness, your face is not the be-all end-all. There are other things in life, there are other things to love about a person, and there is so much more to you.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Alternative: I've noticed that simple subtleties like facial hair or an ear piercing can significantly alter your looks. Have you ever tried that?

I mean without my facial hair (haven't grown it yet but I'm planning to), I look like a 13 year old. With it, I look my age.

And then there's the part about working out and building a good physique.

Take it from someone who has a terminal illness (two actually), both (ugliness and the illness) are equally difficult to deal with. But if someone manages to look past the way I look, I can't imagine telling the person about my illnesses. So I'd probably rather be ugly than ill.

 

[ardour]

Let’s for a moment accept your assessment of your looks, which I don’t by the way – you are basically suggesting unattractive people are in a hopeless situation and would be better off killing themselves.

Do you want to remembered as the guy who offed himself because he didn’t think he was pretty enough?

 

[MTrip]

Others have told you what's going on already. I'll just prove it:

When my father was alive, he was never a handsome man. Not in the conventional sense, certainly. Long before I was brought into this world, the guy was short, squat, had a gut, a big nose, & had to wear glasses. When I was little I remember my father always looked five years older than he actually was. If you know what Ariel Sharon looks like then you have an idea of what my old man looked like. Point is, he was never a prizewinner for pooks.

And he still attracted women to him.

That's right: My father looked like the troll under the bridge & still got action, still met the woman who would marry him & bring me here, & later on the old man still had women following him, even when he was 58.

And he was not Superman, he was not immortal, & he wasn't too f***ing different from you.

It's not about looks, Iceman. It's about personality. My father had it. Since you have a family & can afford to pay for a cruise for you & them, you probably have personality too, though surely a different one. Only a fool thinks that looks is what it takes to fond happiness in this life. Looks are a minor concern compared to everything else. Now get some professional help, because you surely need it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I've said what I said in PM and so many people here in this thread is basically saying the same thing along those lines.

You know, it's finally dawned on me. I could spend years (and have spent years) being depressed over the way I look. No matter what I do, no matter what kind of clothes I wear, what kind of car I drive, or what I do to my hair, it will not change the fact that I have an ugly face. Nothing will ever change that.

I have accepted this, and have come to the conclusion that this is no different than a terminal illness. I'm at peace now, knowing that this will one day be over. I'm not going to end it right away, not with Christmas less than six months away. I will likely wait until January.

You guys have been nice, and for that I am grateful.

You do not have an ugly face. There is no such thing as an ugly face. Each person looks differently, the way they were born, it's by default. Be happy and grateful that you didn't have facial disfigurement. Just look at your self and compare to people who DO have terminal illnesses that affect their faces.

Be thankful.

And seriously? No different than a terminal illness? How can you even compare if you've never even had a terminal illness.

Unbelievable.

Yes..in January.

I am going on a cruise with my family this October, a cruise which I've paid for, and I'm going to enjoy it. After that it will be too close to Christmas. My family has been very good to me, probably more so than I deserve, and I'm going to spend Christmas with them.

Get help? No amount of therapy will change how I look. Unless I can be given a face transplant or have multiple cosmetic surgeries, I don't see things ever improving.

So you will rather, end your life, stop all possible opportunities at a good rewarding life, hurt and traumatise your family members just for how you think you look?

I'm not you, I don't know what it's like to obsess about looks so negatively but I think the only reason why you're just so unhappy now is because of YOU. And because of that, you're going to do a stupid selfish act by ending your life and hurting the people who love you?

And waiting to go through such a memorable moment with your family, that's even more pain injected to them.

So much for gratitude.

I'm probably not responding to this well and it's probably not very nice or sensitive of me, but this just pisses me off. I don't even know why, probably cos I bloody care about you.

 

[Iceman1978]

That's right: My father looked like the troll under the bridge & still got action, still met the woman who would marry him & bring me here, & later on the old man still had women following him, even when he was 58.

And he was not Superman, he was not immortal, & he wasn't too f***ing different from you.

What do you mean by this?

---

Do you want to remembered as the guy who offed himself because he didn’t think he was pretty enough?

I don't think I will be remembered.

---

Ladyforsaken,

I don't believe that my family will suffer, at least not for very long. I have never doubted that my parents love me, but I know that deep down they wish I was like the other guys. I know that they can't help but wonder where they went wrong. In less than six months I will be 36 and haven't dated since I was 17. Their friends' children have all married and have families of their own, and I haven't. I know that I'm a disappointment to them and that they wish I had turned out differently.

They will be ok. Give it a year or two and they will move on with their lives.

 

[African_weasel]

Can we start pointing at the media now? It has it's hand in this.

 

[Scotsman]

I sympathise with you, but only because you clearly feel troubled and worthless. That's easily fixed by just accepting who you are. Now, before I go on please remember that I sympathise with you and wish you well, genuinely my friend. However, I have a 25 year old niece who has Hydrocephalus and cerebral palsy, all her life she's been visually impaired, hearing impaired, mute and unable to walk yet she still lives as active a life as possible. She still smiles, she still laughs, she still receives love and gives love. She inspires me. She makes me laugh, she makes me cry. Not having her would destroy my soul. I'm proud of her and I adore her. She enriches my life in a way she'll never understand and she does all this despite her limitations.

So how about you do yourself a favour and get a ******* grip you selfish *******.

 

[Iceman1978]

Scotsman, Thank you for your honesty. I'm glad that your niece adds joy and happiness to your life. I wish that I could say that I add happiness to the lives of my family members, but I don't believe I do, so I don't see how this makes me selfish. If anything, I should have done this a long time ago and saved them a lot of grief.

 

[Scotsman]

Scotsman, Thank you for your honesty. I'm glad that your niece adds joy and happiness to your life. I wish that I could say that I add happiness to the lives of my family members, but I don't believe I do, so I don't see how this makes me selfish. If anything, I should have done this a long time ago and saved them a lot of grief.

I disagree. If you're so certain you bring nothing to the lives of those around you, why don't you just make sure by asking them? Your mother, for example, carried you, gave birth to you and nurtured you,she loves you unconditionally and she will get joy from your presence that you're unaware of. You are a part of who she is. You die, a part of her dies. And no parent should bury their child.