also, Sophia, I played that Depression Quest game in your signature and noticed a few similarities between it and my life. like feeling constantly tired, never feeling like getting up in the morning no matter how long ive been in bed, having a hard time sleeping, feeling very little motivation to do things i have to do like homework and job applications, feeling very little motivation to do even things i want to do like hobbies because i'm afraid i just can't do it, getting distracted very easily on YouTube, Google, or Wikipedia, and just overall feeling trapped on a path i want to get off of but don't see how i can do more with my life. feeling very limited in terms of possibilities or success.
i'm hoping these are some things i can learn to get rid of on my own, because neither me nor my family has money for a therapist and i don't want to be put on pharmaceuticals. i just don't trust big pharma and i dont want to do anything that would raise my already ridiculous health insurance bill - other than glasses for driving, i'm healthy but its still cripplingly expensive. i just dont want to get bent over by those dirty bastards anymore. besides, the thoughts always went away before. i try to meditate them away, and it works for a while but i want to get rid of the morbid obsessive thought and the feeling of being fundamentally limited for good.