jjessea
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
- Messages
- 126
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Thought I'd introduce myself since I've been posting here. My name is Jesse, I'm 35, and I work as a paramedic. I've been in the field for 10 years and am not terribly satisfied with it so am looking to get into biomedical engineering or computer science. Something in the technical field that's challenging, engaging, and pays well. I grew up playing the piano but injured my left hand when I was 23, destroying what at that time were all my aspirations and dreams.
I also had a heroin addiction when I was in my late teens, early twenties, and most of my closest friends from that time have either died or disappeared. I never replaced them.
I'm not the warmest or most pleasant person to be around, and I don't like to be bothered. I also lie a lot, mostly harmless lies to conceal how dismal and desolate my personal life is, and the more embarrassing/disgraceful facts about my history. Sometimes I lie to entertain myself, when conversation gets boring or just at odd, random times when I'm not paying attention to what comes out of my mouth. I tell the truth about things I feel are important but I'm not certain if that really makes up for it. The lying just seems to keep people at a comfortable distance.
It's strange, seeing how distant and dishonest I am with most people, I care about them, a lot. All people. I do not like to see people suffering, and try and do what I can to help. Even if they're ass-holes, which sadly, most people are.
I've never had a girlfriend. I was in love once but she was a heroin addict too and used me in cruel and horrible ways then died before I...I don't really know what..., but she died. I don't like talking about her.
I work out a lot. Everything I do I seem to do a lot, and right now it's working out.
I rarely sleep.
Except for my mother who I only see occasionally(and work of course), I'm alone, and I can't imagine any set of circumstances where that would change. Unless I changed who I am. I'm very lonely, and I'm not very happy.
Just the few candid posts I've made here have been cathartic, and I'm already feeling better. So I'd like to thank those that regularly participate and read the posts that people make. Thank you.
tl;dr-Hi, I'm Jesse.
I also had a heroin addiction when I was in my late teens, early twenties, and most of my closest friends from that time have either died or disappeared. I never replaced them.
I'm not the warmest or most pleasant person to be around, and I don't like to be bothered. I also lie a lot, mostly harmless lies to conceal how dismal and desolate my personal life is, and the more embarrassing/disgraceful facts about my history. Sometimes I lie to entertain myself, when conversation gets boring or just at odd, random times when I'm not paying attention to what comes out of my mouth. I tell the truth about things I feel are important but I'm not certain if that really makes up for it. The lying just seems to keep people at a comfortable distance.
It's strange, seeing how distant and dishonest I am with most people, I care about them, a lot. All people. I do not like to see people suffering, and try and do what I can to help. Even if they're ass-holes, which sadly, most people are.
I've never had a girlfriend. I was in love once but she was a heroin addict too and used me in cruel and horrible ways then died before I...I don't really know what..., but she died. I don't like talking about her.
I work out a lot. Everything I do I seem to do a lot, and right now it's working out.
I rarely sleep.
Except for my mother who I only see occasionally(and work of course), I'm alone, and I can't imagine any set of circumstances where that would change. Unless I changed who I am. I'm very lonely, and I'm not very happy.
Just the few candid posts I've made here have been cathartic, and I'm already feeling better. So I'd like to thank those that regularly participate and read the posts that people make. Thank you.
tl;dr-Hi, I'm Jesse.
