I'm pretty sure I come off this way. It's been like that for years now... I haven't figured out how to curb it, well, I may have, but it hasn't completely set in...
I was watching some channel by some body builder guy who is actually pretty philosophical. Anyway, point being is that, he said there was an importance to spending time alone with your thoughts, and just reflect. I may not be describing exactly what he said, but it translated for me into, spending time with my self. I take the time to spend time with myself in the sense that I am some one I know, too.
Often times I'll be desperate or lonely to talk to some one. I'll go through the short list of numbers in my phone of people I can call to talk to about stuff, but lately, I avoid doing this. Instead, I go for a walk in the park or hop on the bike and just see what, 'I', have to say about things, rather than some one else.
Over time it's been absolutely amazing. I still find myself desperately calling people from time to time, and as time goes on, the people I am close to get busier and busier and have less and less time for the drama of my small little world. I suppose in a way, I'm becoming even more alone than I used to be, but at the same time, when I take time to spend with myself, I end up feeling less alone, despite this.
I also need to push myself to get out of the house and do things. What I really need to do is find a social group I can frequent on a regular basis, as for some one like me, it takes A LOT of time to become comfortable and reach a point where I and some one else can discover we have enough in common to form a relationship beyond casual talk.
What's weird for me is that, I find there is this disconnected part of me that seems completely disinterested in actually meeting new people to begin with. It's like I shut people out before I even start interacting with them. I'm not exactly sure why. I may be holding on to some part of myself that is trapped in the past and can't let go of something. Perhaps I fear that by allowing new people into my life, I'll lose some sort of sense of self, or what I feel I've lost will come to the full realization that it is lost and gone forever, and maybe I just don't want that to be completely real yet.
I might just be very afraid, too. Perhaps being so badly wounded in the past, carrying so many mental scares, perhaps I feel as though I need to make people think, 'nobody is home', so to speak. If they think nobody is home, then I won't have to let some one into my life who might hurt me, or perhaps I am afraid of hurting others, in that I am so damaged I can only bring pain...
I think what is difficult as well, for a lot of people that come here, including myself; is that the scope of our experience might just be so unique, that not a lot of people can relate. Sort of the way a foreigner might feel in a new country. There are just certain ins and outs about myself that i've acquired over the years I can't expect or feel as though nobody would ever really be able to, 'get'.
I think getting older is a perfect example of this. When you are older, the younger folks, often just won't get it, and the folks your age are often just way too busy with their lives (usually family or career)...
I do know this, though. For me, I'm not going to meet anyone on this website. I mean I can meet people here and make friends, but 20-30 years of digitial technology doesn't really match up against the millions of years of human evolution based on physical social interactions. I need to get out there, and make a routine of getting out there, because 1 or 2 tries is definitely not going to cut it. I need regularly socialize as often as I regularly exercise to make gains, or study, or eat healthy, etc...
Practice makes perfect... And when you are lonely, that's one thing, when you are alone, that's another. And when you've been lonely and alone for many years.... it's going to take some time and a lot of practice to get back into the swing of things...
^.^ Good luck...
I'm going to keep trying... If I can find the **** time >.>