How do you get over a big disapointment ?

[Triple Bogey]

Two weeks ago something happened that has left me incredibly down, depressed and hurt. I don't (can't) really say what it was. I have tried to reach out to people for help with little success - a text to my brother was ignored, a private message on here wasn't even read, tried to set up a coffee meeting with a female friend only for her to back out twice, another meetup yesterday didn't happen.

The things I enjoy doing, playing golf, watching football, taking photo's, talking to the customers at work, reading, watching films don't make me happy anymore. I feel I have no hope left.

Thanks for reading

 

[argosgold]

I do what you did - I try to distract myself with social interaction with other people. For a couple of weeks or so this was difficult, because I live alone, work 8-5, and I live in the middle of nowhere. Then I got some holiday time. I've spent it visiting people. I've had time in the car with some good music on (music is a big part of my life), spent some time chatting with friends, cooking with/for friends, also some time doing other things I enjoy, but on my own - hillwalking and whatnot.

I'm sorry the people you contacted haven't replied (yet!?) but don't give up. People have busy lives (I keep telling myself this) and sometimes they just... forget to care as much as we think they should.

There's always hope....

 

[Tiina63]

It is hard to go through something really awful and then to find that there is noone there to offer you help and support. It makes the bad experience even worse to deal with. I have experienced this many, many times. I hope that one of the people you have reached out to finally responds. I think that often others have big support networks and they assume that everyone else has the same, and so they think that even if they don't help you, you will have plenty of others to turn to.

 

[Scruffy]

Sorry to hear your story, but, no matter what happen, you still have to keep moving on.

Most things in life you can get over through time! Just be patient, getting over with some things can take up to 10-20 years sometimes or more or less, but it's worth it. So try being patience sometimes. While being patience, you could distract yourself. Perhaps play games ? or find new hobbies?

Sometimes, try learning to 'Let Go' of stuffs. Humans tend to have attachment with many things in life, and when it disappear, they just couldn't let it go. So, just let go! if you can't, try to. It takes time! That's why be patience no matter what. Once you let go, you will be a whole lot different person.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Sorry to hear your story, but, no matter what happen, you still have to keep moving on.

Most things in life you can get over through time! Just be patient, getting over with some things can take up to 10-20 years sometimes or more or less, but it's worth it. So try being patience sometimes. While being patience, you could distract yourself. Perhaps play games ? or find new hobbies?

Sometimes, try learning to 'Let Go' of stuffs. Humans tend to have attachment with many things in life, and when it disappear, they just couldn't let it go. So, just let go! if you can't, try to. It takes time! That's why be patience no matter what. Once you let go, you will be a whole lot different person.

Thanks for all your kind replies.

I think deep down what hurts is, I am 45 and spent all of my life single. Had a few odds dates here and there which didn't account for much. There have been literally dozens of women who I have liked but none of them ever liked me back.

So in the last 15 years or so I have never really thought I would meet anybody, I live my life, go to work, play golf, no friends, I was happy enough.

What happened gave me the feeling of 'having someone', 'somebody actually cares', 'somebody likes me', 'somebody can be bothered to send me a text and ask me how I am' - I could hardly believe it. I mentioned to my brother that I couldn't believe someone was into me so much and he said 'maybe it's your time'

But it's over now and back to my old life of no texts, messages, just plodding on, keeping myself occupied. I don't actually want to meet people now, just want to be by myself.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think a lot of times.. things happen for a reason, or they are just out of either good or bad luck. I guess you could try to reflect and see which of these are a cause for the way things are in your life? Because you say you've dated quite a bit before, so what's causing them to be only short term? Maybe then you could work on certain things in your life to improve the chances of having a more lasting relationship? I don't know.. just what I'm thinking.. I'm not experienced or anything like that. I do hope you cheer up and feel better soon. Good luck and do take care. Don't give up though.. it would only stop all possible opportunities in the future.

 

[Sci-Fi]

When it rains it pours right? Kind of going through the same thing right now and it really sucks when you have a hard time finding something to kick you out of it. Most of the time I do the unhealthy things, like constantly go over the situation in my head creating all kinds of imaginary outcomes or just make myself more depressed.

Yesterday in Walmart I found one of the silly minions from Despicable Me2 (like the one in my signature). The ones that talk and say stuff, they had Dave and when you stick you finger in his mouth and get him to say "Ahhh Banana" then tilt his body to his right he farts, and man does he ever fart. Some are short, some are long, some are wet sounding, it made me laugh. The **** things was 40 bucks but I bought it anyway because it made me laugh and cheered me up. So you never know what kind of silly stupid thing will help make you day a bit better and brighter.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think a lot of times.. things happen for a reason, or they are just out of either good or bad luck. I guess you could try to reflect and see which of these are a cause for the way things are in your life? Because you say you've dated quite a bit before, so what's causing them to be only short term? Maybe then you could work on certain things in your life to improve the chances of having a more lasting relationship? I don't know.. just what I'm thinking.. I'm not experienced or anything like that. I do hope you cheer up and feel better soon. Good luck and do take care. Don't give up though.. it would only stop all possible opportunities in the future.

Thank you.

I have only dated 2 women before and they were both seeing other men at the same time and chose the other guy. I got scammed out of some money by this Russian last year. I don't expect anything good to happen. I can't see a future that involves me and a woman. I know I am way too sensitive. I was talking to my brother a few weeks ago and he told me he has had loads of one off dates that included sex and the woman brushed him off a few days later. Some of them just used him to make some other guy jealous. I would be in pieces if that happened to me.

---

When it rains it pours right? Kind of going through the same thing right now and it really sucks when you have a hard time finding something to kick you out of it. Most of the time I do the unhealthy things, like constantly go over the situation in my head creating all kinds of imaginary outcomes or just make myself more depressed.

Yesterday in Walmart I found one of the silly minions from Despicable Me2 (like the one in my signature). The ones that talk and say stuff, they had Dave and when you stick you finger in his mouth and get him to say "Ahhh Banana" then tilt his body to his right he farts, and man does he ever fart. Some are short, some are long, some are wet sounding, it made me laugh. The **** things was 40 bucks but I bought it anyway because it made me laugh and cheered me up. So you never know what kind of silly stupid thing will help make you day a bit better and brighter.

Every relationship or romantic situation, I usually think 'what's the worst possible outcome' and in my mind I expect that to happen - it's amazing how many times I am right. I think what I want more than anything is respect. And I don't think I get that most of the time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think a lot of times.. things happen for a reason, or they are just out of either good or bad luck. I guess you could try to reflect and see which of these are a cause for the way things are in your life? Because you say you've dated quite a bit before, so what's causing them to be only short term? Maybe then you could work on certain things in your life to improve the chances of having a more lasting relationship? I don't know.. just what I'm thinking.. I'm not experienced or anything like that. I do hope you cheer up and feel better soon. Good luck and do take care. Don't give up though.. it would only stop all possible opportunities in the future.

Thank you.

I have only dated 2 women before and they were both seeing other men at the same time and chose the other guy. I got scammed out of some money by this Russian last year. I don't expect anything good to happen. I can't see a future that involves me and a woman. I know I am way too sensitive. I was talking to my brother a few weeks ago and he told me he has had loads of one off dates that included sex and the woman brushed him off a few days later. Some of them just used him to make some other guy jealous. I would be in pieces if that happened to me.

---

When it rains it pours right? Kind of going through the same thing right now and it really sucks when you have a hard time finding something to kick you out of it. Most of the time I do the unhealthy things, like constantly go over the situation in my head creating all kinds of imaginary outcomes or just make myself more depressed.

Yesterday in Walmart I found one of the silly minions from Despicable Me2 (like the one in my signature). The ones that talk and say stuff, they had Dave and when you stick you finger in his mouth and get him to say "Ahhh Banana" then tilt his body to his right he farts, and man does he ever fart. Some are short, some are long, some are wet sounding, it made me laugh. The **** things was 40 bucks but I bought it anyway because it made me laugh and cheered me up. So you never know what kind of silly stupid thing will help make you day a bit better and brighter.

Every relationship or romantic situation, I usually think 'what's the worst possible outcome' and in my mind I expect that to happen - it's amazing how many times I am right. I think what I want more than anything is respect. And I don't think I get that most of the time.

---

to be fair, a few people have sent me messages asking me how I am, so thanks to them.

I wish I could feel optimistic about the future though

 

[9006]

I find that disappointments fade into the background of life after a certain length of time, I'm pretty sure it varies from person to person. I try to occupy myself and continue with my normal routine, what else can you do?

 

[Triple Bogey]

I find that disappointments fade into the background of life after a certain length of time, I'm pretty sure it varies from person to person. I try to occupy myself and continue with my normal routine, what else can you do?

yes carry on and put it down as an experience.

 

[9006]

yes carry on and put it down as an experience.

...or learn from it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

yes carry on and put it down as an experience.

...or learn from it.

learning from it would involve not believing a word anybody says to me.

 

[9006]

learning from it would involve not believing a word anybody says to me.

Some things are down to your own judgement, I think it's important that you recognize certain characteristics people have.

---

...if that makes sense..

 

[Triple Bogey]

learning from it would involve not believing a word anybody says to me.

Some things are down to your own judgement, I think it's important that you recognize certain characteristics people have.

---

...if that makes sense..

---

it is a learning experience

 

[Broken_n_Lost]

Two weeks ago something happened that has left me incredibly down, depressed and hurt. I don't (can't) really say what it was. I have tried to reach out to people for help with little success - a text to my brother was ignored, a private message on here wasn't even read, tried to set up a coffee meeting with a female friend only for her to back out twice, another meetup yesterday didn't happen.

The things I enjoy doing, playing golf, watching football, taking photo's, talking to the customers at work, reading, watching films don't make me happy anymore. I feel I have no hope left.

Thanks for reading

Depends what the disappointment was? I cant really get over the big things but then again Im weak... But then again I do... I had to force myself to live with certain disappointments which were truly heart-breaking. Guess time is the only cure... But just don't look at the clock...

 

[Scruffy]

Sorry to hear your story, but, no matter what happen, you still have to keep moving on.

Most things in life you can get over through time! Just be patient, getting over with some things can take up to 10-20 years sometimes or more or less, but it's worth it. So try being patience sometimes. While being patience, you could distract yourself. Perhaps play games ? or find new hobbies?

Sometimes, try learning to 'Let Go' of stuffs. Humans tend to have attachment with many things in life, and when it disappear, they just couldn't let it go. So, just let go! if you can't, try to. It takes time! That's why be patience no matter what. Once you let go, you will be a whole lot different person.

Thanks for all your kind replies.

I think deep down what hurts is, I am 45 and spent all of my life single. Had a few odds dates here and there which didn't account for much. There have been literally dozens of women who I have liked but none of them ever liked me back.

So in the last 15 years or so I have never really thought I would meet anybody, I live my life, go to work, play golf, no friends, I was happy enough.

What happened gave me the feeling of 'having someone', 'somebody actually cares', 'somebody likes me', 'somebody can be bothered to send me a text and ask me how I am' - I could hardly believe it. I mentioned to my brother that I couldn't believe someone was into me so much and he said 'maybe it's your time'

But it's over now and back to my old life of no texts, messages, just plodding on, keeping myself occupied. I don't actually want to meet people now, just want to be by myself.

I see your reason now. But, still, life is a journey, no matter what happens, you still have to continue your journey . Don't worry too much, it's never too late to get married , though I know many would want to do it earlier, but sometimes our destiny is such that it is like this. There's nothing that can be done. But no matter what happens, always stay positive!

If you are destined to marry someone, then perhaps in time, you will. That is why, be patience. Destiny is an amazing thing you know? You may never know how you may turned out to be in the future, that is why it's best for us to think positive and be open minded & open hearted to accept things, then adapt to that new environment. Some people are more unfortunate, but there are always millions who are much more unfortunate than you. So don't worry.

For now, I would suggest, do what you are Best at being happy . Being happy is the only thing that can be done by you yourself . State of mind

 

[ladyforsaken]

yes carry on and put it down as an experience.

...or learn from it.

learning from it would involve not believing a word anybody says to me.

You shouldn't really believe anyone entirely. Not until you really really know that person for some time (even that could be tricky). It's a risk to take.. but it's up to you to decide whether that risk is worth taking or not. If it is worth it, and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, at least you had the experience and could gain and learn from it.

 

[9006]

You shouldn't really believe anyone entirely. Not until you really really know that person for some time (even that could be tricky). It's a risk to take.. but it's up to you to decide whether that risk is worth taking or not. If it is worth it, and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, at least you had the experience and could gain and learn from it.

This really. Take your time to trust.

 

[Solivagant]

You shouldn't really believe anyone entirely. Not until you really really know that person for some time (even that could be tricky). It's a risk to take.. but it's up to you to decide whether that risk is worth taking or not. If it is worth it, and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, at least you had the experience and could gain and learn from it.

This really. Take your time to trust.

^ *Nods.*