How do you go to try to make friends?

[Mouse]

Since a couple of years ago, I don't go out of my way to make friends, but usually people find me. It's rather like a lonesome cat that chooses its master or mistress and I... quite like it this way. Because then, one can build on the new friendship and nurture it.

 

[Unbinilium]

I still don't quite get how to make friends. I know how to be friendly and make acquaintances and network in a professional environment but I don't know how to make friends and get people to like me in social situations. The very few friends I have are all friends only because they were the ones who initially made the move of trying to be my friend. In that way, I've only responded to their friendliness but have no idea how to go about making friends on my own and initiating friendly contact with others to try to be friends. It's quite a predicament.

 

[exasperated]

My problem with friends is that I go from "Hi, how're you doin'" to "What do you think the meaning of life is". I think that scares people. I haven't gained a friend yet with that line.

While I don't say that literally, I think that is usually why I don't click with people.

I've tried several meetup groups, craigslist, professional groups, meeting people through others, etc.

 

[DeadImaginaryFriends]

My problem with friends is that I go from "Hi, how're you doin'" to "What do you think the meaning of life is". I think that scares people. I haven't gained a friend yet with that line.

While I don't say that literally, I think that is usually why I don't click with people.

I've tried several meetup groups, craigslist, professional groups, meeting people through others, etc.

Same here. At all of these I have always felt unwanted and just ended up not going to any of them anymore.

 

[AvengersGirl123]

I try to start conversations with people, find some common interests to discuss. It seems to work fine while I'm in the same room as the person but when I try to message or call them later to chat or hang out people rarely reply

 

[African_weasel]

My problem with friends is that I go from "Hi, how're you doin'" to "What do you think the meaning of life is". I think that scares people. I haven't gained a friend yet with that line.

While I don't say that literally, I think that is usually why I don't click with people.

I've tried several meetup groups, craigslist, professional groups, meeting people through others, etc.

Same here. At all of these I have always felt unwanted and just ended up not going to any of them anymore.

I think the biggest thing for some people is that they feel like they're unwanted company. I constantly feel anxiety about it but I just remind me that I have not gone out or have been able to go out except for the local festival

 

[migima]

My problem with friends is that I go from "Hi, how're you doin'" to "What do you think the meaning of life is". I think that scares people. I haven't gained a friend yet with that line.

In fact, line "Hi, how're you doin" is so boring to me, and the other line nobody asks me, I'm surounded with boring and unconscious people.

 

[ladyforsaken]

In fact, line "Hi, how're you doin" is so boring to me, and the other line nobody asks me, I'm surounded with boring and unconscious people.

I don't know what you mean by boring, but that line could be a conversation starter if you really mean it, in my opinion.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I'd chat with anyone who asked me what the meaning of life is, it's one of my favourite conversations, darned if I can ever find an answer.

I've been told I'm too deep for a lot of people. I'm an INFP sort of Myers-Briggs so I struggle with smalltalk, but get me going on something deep and I'm raring to go!

 

[ShieldedWarrior8]

For me it has been on jobs, but i tend to lose(friends) once I quit or change jobs.

 

[Mouse]

I live in a happy home with lovely girls in my family so have nothing to complain about there. But in myself I am a lonely person. I've been feeling like this since dear Dad died. No amount of bereavement counselling has helped. Except I have learnt to adapt to being lonely.

These days I don't need to go out of my way to make friends, the reason for this being I have to live with pain. Pain seriously curtails what I used to be able to do - eg. abseiling with a climbing club so I could conquer fear. If there was an instant fix to cure loneliness, then I would not need to be here. But there is not. So this is why, since Dad died, I have learnt to adapt being lonely. And there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[maudie k]

I don't know why but I'm never very keen to make friends. I'm too cautious and I think it really helped me a lot. I have now few friends but I can trust them with my life. So you find people in life automatically who share your taste,opinions in life and respect you. Mutual trust, respect is the key.

 

[BeyondShy]

This really.

It's what I have to do with the clients for my new job. It's interesting what you get out of people sometimes when you just talk to them and show interest. Even simple things like asking how their weekend was or how their day was. Maybe the clients I meet are more outgoing where they'd really tell you how their weekend was like in detail and you can totally get into a conversation like that.. and it continues the next time you see them.. and next thing you know, they ask to hangout, do some stuff together and then next thing you know, you're friends.

Again, if you tend to meet less outgoing people, don't give up trying. You're bound to come across one or two who will respond well and complement your personality. You'll know it when it happens.. it's nice.

I know you posted this some time ago but I am calling 100% bull**** on it.

 

[Tealeaf]

This really.

It's what I have to do with the clients for my new job. It's interesting what you get out of people sometimes when you just talk to them and show interest. Even simple things like asking how their weekend was or how their day was. Maybe the clients I meet are more outgoing where they'd really tell you how their weekend was like in detail and you can totally get into a conversation like that.. and it continues the next time you see them.. and next thing you know, they ask to hangout, do some stuff together and then next thing you know, you're friends.

Again, if you tend to meet less outgoing people, don't give up trying. You're bound to come across one or two who will respond well and complement your personality. You'll know it when it happens.. it's nice.

I know you posted this some time ago but I am calling 100% bull**** on it.

Most people's problems on sites like these is that they're dissatisfied with or simply avoiding human contact to some extent. For people born normal, all they need to do really is to just talk to people and be friendly. Advice is generally made by and for them.

It's kind of like making people laugh. You can make your entire group laugh in a class, but that doesn't mean any of them want to spend time with you outside of class or get to know you better if your personality or mannerisms are unlikable or don't fit what's desired by the majority. Same for the barista you see on a regular basis and cheer up - you're still just a customer to them.

 

[BeyondShy]

For people born normal, all they need to do really is to just talk to people and be friendly. Advice is generally made by and for them.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I was "born normal" and there is nothing the matter with me. Who do you think you are insulting me like that?

 

[Tealeaf]

For people born normal, all they need to do really is to just talk to people and be friendly. Advice is generally made by and for them.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I was "born normal" and there is nothing the matter with me. Who do you think you are insulting me like that?

If that's what you want to take away, suit yourself.

 

[BeyondShy]

If that's what you want to take away, suit yourself.

I know people like you. You can say what you want and it doesn't matter how the other person feels about it because it's their problem.

 

[Tealeaf]

If that's what you want to take away, suit yourself.

I know people like you. You can say what you want and it doesn't matter how the other person feels about it because it's their problem.

How you feel about anyone's words is your problem. I'm not going to argue you out of your feelings if you pick a combination of four words out of an entire post and choose the worst possible interpretation, nor will I tiptoe around an Internet forum of all places for fear you won't like my words.

Have a good day. I won't be responding further.

 

[BeyondShy]

Ok, if you say so.

 

[ladyforsaken]

This really.

It's what I have to do with the clients for my new job. It's interesting what you get out of people sometimes when you just talk to them and show interest. Even simple things like asking how their weekend was or how their day was. Maybe the clients I meet are more outgoing where they'd really tell you how their weekend was like in detail and you can totally get into a conversation like that.. and it continues the next time you see them.. and next thing you know, they ask to hangout, do some stuff together and then next thing you know, you're friends.

Again, if you tend to meet less outgoing people, don't give up trying. You're bound to come across one or two who will respond well and complement your personality. You'll know it when it happens.. it's nice.

I know you posted this some time ago but I am calling 100% bull**** on it.

Most people's problems on sites like these is that they're dissatisfied with or simply avoiding human contact to some extent. For people born normal, all they need to do really is to just talk to people and be friendly. Advice is generally made by and for them.

It's kind of like making people laugh. You can make your entire group laugh in a class, but that doesn't mean any of them want to spend time with you outside of class or get to know you better if your personality or mannerisms are unlikable or don't fit what's desired by the majority. Same for the barista you see on a regular basis and cheer up - you're still just a customer to them.

Firstly, BeyondShy, care to share your views? I am perfectly open to hearing alternative opinions on this.

Secondly, Tealeaf, I can see where you're coming from but I think your version of "normal" is rather subjective. Personally I don't think anybody can be born "normal" if you wanna compare each individual on this planet because I'm pretty sure everyone has their own issues to deal with in one way or another. On the other hand, someone could say, "I wish my life was normal again" because to them, they know what's changed and what was a better world that seemed normal to them.

Even if you regard me as a "normal" person, which you probably do from what I can infer from your reply here to the quoted posts by me and BeyondShy, that's just..... not right. I never found it to be "just talk and be friendly" cos that doesn't always work out. Not for me and I'm pretty sure not for anyone else. Even for the most well-versed and charismatic person on earth, he/she will still not be able to get to everyone because everyone of us is just different and we respond differently.

And see how BeyondShy misinterpreted your post? But I didn't see it the way he did? Instead I felt you were directing it more towards someone like me who is probably perceived as having a "normal" life because I get people responding and interacting with me online and offline.

We just take things at face value, the way we understand what other people says. And the best thing that can be done I guess, is to discuss about it and elaborate on the message put across so that people can understand and relate - and just thinking of making this an example, that's also where interactions can start where you discuss your alternative opinions, which could lead to possible friendships (to go back on topic). I know it has happened for me, so, just speaking from experience.