It feels like different things, at different times. Sometimes, it feels like I'm falling over a cliff, and trying to clutch and grab at any rocks or branches to hold on to. But there isn't any. And the falling never stops ....
There is also the pain. It's difficult to describe it. It's not a physical pain, like a cut or a bruise. It's when you hurt FOR something. When I see a group of friends having fun, or a couple holding hands, and the pain inside me is so great I can actually double-over from it, and can't control the tears, because I just want to experience what those things are like. It hurts when you just want to feel the touch of someone else, physically, and emotionally, and yet you know there is nobody in your life, nobody around, who will ....
And there is always the feeling of suffocating. That there is no more air for you to breathe. Others can breathe easy, you can see them. But there's no more air for you. And the more you try to breathe, the harder it is. You shout out .. scream .. that you have no air. But nobody seems to listen. Your invisible, as well as dying. And you realise that your life has no value. No matter what you do, there is the feeling of being worthless, even if you don't feel that way about yourself, the lack of friendship, companionship, affection, all make you feel worthless.
Huh. Well. That's how loneliness makes me feel anyway.
