Warning: Lots of whining and complaining and feeling sorry for myself ahead. Proceed with caution. 
My life is epitomized by emptiness right now: empty fridge, empty bank account, empty wallet, empty stomach, empty gas tank, empty inbox, empty schedule, and a cold, empty bed.
Today at the park, a small, happy family was grilling hot dogs. Eventually, I had to leave because I was consumed with such powerful, engulfing hunger. I still don’t know what I was craving more; the intoxicating smell of the food on their grill, or the companionship and love they exchanged so effortlessly with each another. I wanted so badly for them to notice me and offer a hot dog, or even just offer me a smile. It made me feel incredibly pathetic.
My sole solace comes from knowing that payday is less than a week away, and at least my poverty-caused woes will be temporarily assuaged. I’m also confident that I will not be struggling paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. However, I see no end to this aching, echoing loneliness that mocks me at the end of each lonesome, tiresome day.
I try so hard to look at this part of my life positively; I know this very dark time will only cause me to appreciate the good times even more, once they come. (I have to assume they will come. I must, or I won’t be able to go on.) I am learning firsthand what it means to truly struggle by experiencing this soul-crushing isolation and financial paucity. Hopefully I will be able to embrace these lessons in the future and help others in a similar position. At minimum, I’ll be able to empathize with them in a way I never could’ve had I lived a life of luxury and ease. But it’s so easy to lose sight of these goals when I’m feeling So. ****. Empty. : (
I’m sorry for posting this barrage of self-pity on a forum I haven’t actively posted in. It’s literally impossible for me to talk about this stuff to anyone in real life, but my propensity for loquaciousness is demanding it be said somewhere. : ) Thank you in advance if you read this! : )
My life is epitomized by emptiness right now: empty fridge, empty bank account, empty wallet, empty stomach, empty gas tank, empty inbox, empty schedule, and a cold, empty bed.
Today at the park, a small, happy family was grilling hot dogs. Eventually, I had to leave because I was consumed with such powerful, engulfing hunger. I still don’t know what I was craving more; the intoxicating smell of the food on their grill, or the companionship and love they exchanged so effortlessly with each another. I wanted so badly for them to notice me and offer a hot dog, or even just offer me a smile. It made me feel incredibly pathetic.
My sole solace comes from knowing that payday is less than a week away, and at least my poverty-caused woes will be temporarily assuaged. I’m also confident that I will not be struggling paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. However, I see no end to this aching, echoing loneliness that mocks me at the end of each lonesome, tiresome day.
I try so hard to look at this part of my life positively; I know this very dark time will only cause me to appreciate the good times even more, once they come. (I have to assume they will come. I must, or I won’t be able to go on.) I am learning firsthand what it means to truly struggle by experiencing this soul-crushing isolation and financial paucity. Hopefully I will be able to embrace these lessons in the future and help others in a similar position. At minimum, I’ll be able to empathize with them in a way I never could’ve had I lived a life of luxury and ease. But it’s so easy to lose sight of these goals when I’m feeling So. ****. Empty. : (
I’m sorry for posting this barrage of self-pity on a forum I haven’t actively posted in. It’s literally impossible for me to talk about this stuff to anyone in real life, but my propensity for loquaciousness is demanding it be said somewhere. : ) Thank you in advance if you read this! : )
