i am considering to finally take my own life

[LGH1288]

Dear Zwan ~ Welcome Home! LGH

 

[zwan]

Hey everyone! I really do hope all is going well and life is dealing only small portions of crap at you at this moment.

I was happy for awhile for a moment mostly because I went almost every night out and consumed copious amounts of alcohol. In between this so called self medicated therapy I had a one night stand with a friend. Needless to say as predictable my love life teems to be this went to honeysuckle. I wanted something she did not and as they say you can't force someone to love you.

Well after that story I realized something I can be an arsehole and get away with it. In between trying to be a so called lady's man I met another charming young lady and we hit it off right away. Until.... (funny how most relationships always has that hurdle in the beginning) she told me that she is technically/legally still married. Usually with most type of things I am quite open minded and yes if you are wondering she is pending divorce and they have been separated for 4 months.

So basically I am just wondering is it morally/ethically wrong to still see this girl? Am I worrying myself needlessly that I might be a rebound?

O and I found out I might have MS ...
Ill go see a neurologist in about 2 weeks I really am scared

honeysuckle

 

[zwan]

Hey everyone! I really do hope all is going well and life is dealing only small portions of crap at you at this moment.

I was happy for awhile for a moment mostly because I went almost every night out and consumed copious amounts of alcohol. In between this so called self medicated therapy I had a one night stand with a friend. Needless to say as predictable my love life teems to be this went to honeysuckle. I wanted something she did not and as they say you can't force someone to love you.

Well after that story I realized something I can be an arsehole and get away with it. In between trying to be a so called lady's man I met another charming young lady and we hit it off right away. Until.... (funny how most relationships always has that hurdle in the beginning) she told me that she is technically/legally still married. Usually with most type of things I am quite open minded and yes if you are wondering she is pending divorce and they have been separated for 4 months.

So basically I am just wondering is it morally/ethically wrong to still see this girl? Am I worrying myself needlessly that I might be a rebound?

O and I found out I might have MS ...
Ill go see a neurologist in about 2 weeks I really am scared

honeysuckle

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't think it's morally wrong. She told you she was separated. I would however be worried she might be lying to me if I were you.

 

[zwan]

I really doubt it as we share a mutual friend who assured me the separation is true and I do have a good built in bullshit detector!

 

[WishingWell]

I don't believe it is morally wrong to date someone who is separated and not divorced yet. However, you do have to ask yourself if it may be a rebound, and more importantly, you are taking a risk since she is only separated 4 months, that she may get back together with her husband. I don't want to sound so negative, but I am just putting my 2 cents in.

As far as you possibly having MS, try not to worry until it is confirmed that you have it. Also, if you are functioning enough to not be sure if you have it, it may be a mild case. I know a man that has it and he lives a full life--the only problem he has is that he walks with a limp. Good luck to you. Please let us know how your tests turn out. PM me if you would like.

 

[zwan]

I feel lonely, torn asunder, sad and crappy ... again. I am failing at life that's all. I just need motivation to succeed and I don't know what it is.

 

[ImOkUrOk]

I feel lonely, torn asunder, sad and crappy ... again. I am failing at life that's all. I just need motivation to succeed and I don't know what it is.

Hey Zwan,

I am totally new here-I was really just feeling sorry for myself lately and found this site and your post. Wasnt meaning to join, but I felt compelled when i read your story and then saw your latest post.

I dont really see life as a pass/fail thing. We all just do the best we can, and our "best" varies as much as we as individuals do!

Im not sure what to say motivationally - wise. I am probably not the best one to give advice! But even though I never even knew that you , or any of the people on this site, -or the site itself for that matter! - even existed before today, YOU and your posts motivated ME to reach out and join this site, for the express purpose of communicating to you!

Now you may not think that means a whole lot at first, but maybe, just maybe, it does. By me registering here (and thus probably returning more than I was planning to originally, which was zip) I just might reap some helpful insights from you and the others on this board. While these effects may (or may not!) be intangible, they could quite possibly have unimaginably positive effects on my entire life!

The point is, there is always reason to go on, to keep trying; there is always hope. (As I ramble on with this idea, I am reminded of one of my favorite old-time movies, that actually uses this idea as its theme. It's a Wonderful Life, with Jimmy Stewart. Technically its a Christmas movie but I think it is relevant any time of year and a good reminder to us that we are ALL important, and often in ways that remain hidden from our awareness. (I think this is called the Ripple Effect, tho Im not positive.)

 

[ImOkUrOk]

I feel lonely, torn asunder, sad and crappy ... again. I am failing at life that's all. I just need motivation to succeed and I don't know what it is.

Hey Zwan,

I am totally new here-I was really just feeling sorry for myself lately and found this site and your post. Wasnt meaning to join, but I felt compelled when i read your story and then saw your latest post.

I dont really see life as a pass/fail thing. We all just do the best we can, and our "best" varies as much as we as individuals do!

Im not sure what to say motivationally - wise. I am probably not the best one to give advice! But even though I never even knew that you , or any of the people on this site, -or the site itself for that matter! - even existed before today, YOU and your posts motivated ME to reach out and join this site, for the express purpose of communicating to you!

Now you may not think that means a whole lot at first, but maybe, just maybe, it does. By me registering here (and thus probably returning more than I was planning to originally, which was zip) I just might reap some helpful insights from you and the others on this board. While any results from these insights may (or may not!) seem intangible, they could quite possibly have unimaginably positive effects on my entire life (and those of people close to me!)

The point is, there is always reason to go on, to keep trying; there is always hope. (As I ramble on with this idea, I am reminded of one of my favorite old-time movies, that actually uses this idea as its theme. "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart. Technically its a Christmas movie but I think it is relevant any time of year and a good reminder to us that we are ALL important, and often in ways that remain hidden from our awareness. (I think this is called the Butterfly Effect, tho Im not positive.)

So even if its hard to see them from where you are standing right now, have faith that there are good reasons, unknown or unseen maybe, but Very Good Reasons, to keep on keeping on!

As far as more specific advice. I saw SO MUCH from others on these message threads, very good advice given to you and others here, that the main thing I wanted to say to you (besides that I, and obviously many others here, care about you) is not to get discouraged or take it personally if you don't get responses right away - it was a while since you last posted and I bet the other folks here haven't yet realized you posted again.


So, thanks, Zwan, for having a positive effect on my life, and I hope I added a little bit of the same to yours!

 

[SophiaGrace]

Zwan, make a new thread titled I am considering to finally make my life happy.

It might help.

 

[HermesReborn]

I feel lonely, torn asunder, sad and crappy ... again. I am failing at life that's all. I just need motivation to succeed and I don't know what it is.

Hey Zwan, glad to see your still with us

Zwan, allow yourself to feel your feelings. If thats what you feel, you can't help it. But don't let them take over your self awareness.
You can't fail at life, cause there is really no overall goal in life.
Don't let the petty confines of society create dismal manifestation of success.

There is no recipe, your existence is a mere blip in this beautiful universe.
We are insignificant, but that makes us strangely precious.
Just live your life well, and allow yourself to make mistakes and fail.
In the long run, no ones at the other end yelling at you because you failed
its just yourself.

Get up...
do it again...

 

[thelight17]

I know it has been said by others.. but come into the chat room.... come in and talk to people... there is always someone there to chat with.... We all care, and everyone is really nice.

How do you chat in the "Chat room"
Help guys.
Sorry I'm being so daft.

Marc.

---

Where's the "chat room".
I've tried lookin but can seem to figure it out.
I'm alone at home n feelin suicidal and wanna chat with sumone.
Please help!!!!

 

[Remixxcanhelp]

Ive realized that life doesn’t seem to up hold much. We only believe to show life blows or is amazingly great based on what we want to believe. We sit there and think…deeply..is this life? By far of how our imagination can take us how come were only to accomplish such little things? In the end the remainder of what we do… turns into what we hate. Especially in relationships, its hard because we have to be careful. You may think what the mind wants is what you feel. But rather than that, you yourself as a person should actually feel with something involuntary……your heart. Its never what we desire but more of what we need rather than want. Look at life in another perspective. Think the unexpected…. Focus on what is needed….these are just but simple tasks that we do every day. It’s a scary thought that maybe one day the very dreams we live for may not exist. Dreams shatter… but then new forms occur. The everlasting hope is very much vulnerable. If we cannot cease to be happy the very hope turns into anger, hatred, and selfishness. In the end, its our choices that creates our society. Its our choices that make us who we are. What do we do…when the very things in life that we believe in become nonexistent? What do we do when our focus is gone? We follow a path that leads us to what we want in life. Although not many of us reach it people still do. That path is called hope. Hope will always exist when we want it to. It may take some sacrifices but nothing comes easy..ever. Every choice you make, every path you choose is who you are. You look in the mirror and asked yourself is this the right choice the right path I wanted to take to be one step closer to who I want to be? We exist to create our own identity for ourselves. Just know that everything will be okay. Every problem, Every encounter with fear, even signs of losing faith or hope. Just know that no matter what someone will always care for you, that someone will always love you. Don’t be sad because life flies by. You may not exist the next day which is scary, but live the very life you live the way you want. Be happy, make the right choices and they will come back to you and optimism makes you a better person. Whenever things are in tough shape, take a second and smile. For that one smile can give you the very reason for waking up the next day. Don’t waste your time on useless things. Lifes guaranteed way to short. I know im only 16 and I probably don’t know enough. But I sure as hell know that happiness exists, its whether or not you want it to be there. Im not much of a writer but I believe in a life that happiness should be a priority. Remember this well….in order to make anyone else happy….you have to be happy yourself. If you don’t fall under that criteria then step back in life and take a breather. Something will catch your attention and give you a reason to smile. Don’t give up on your feelings. But if a sure decision is made by the heart then that decision was meant to happen. Don’t change the person you are for its your own identity. Life is what you make of it. Sure as hell make it a life worth living for.
- Kevin Chong

 

[WishingWell]

I see many new messages are posted on this Thread of "I am considering to finally take my own life" very often. Truthfully, the name of this thread, brings me down; but, of course, I realize that Zwan was in a terribly depressing and probably desperate state of mind, when he wrote it.

I have followed this Thread, and find that everyone that has posted on it has at least one good reason for LIVING! SO LET'S LIVE...Zwan, I hope you are reading this, and realize that mine is the 113th post. I hope you have a new view of your original feelings, and realize that everyone is supportive of you living.

For you or other people who may be considering taking their lives, I hope that, if nothing else, they realize that people on this Forum, whether you know them well or not, CARE ABOUT YOU...and are doing their best--their very best--to show you that no matter how grim the situation is, life is worth living. HOPE! Hope is what keeps me going...I don't believe for one second that my life will be this way forever. And, WHEN it changes, no matter how long it may take, I will tell myself that I am glad I didn't do anything stupid like try to end the GIFT of life that was given to me!

 

[biscuits]

I feel lonely, torn asunder, sad and crappy ... again. I am failing at life that's all. I just need motivation to succeed and I don't know what it is.

hi zwan. i read your posts, i feel for you and wish you well.

I dont really see life as a pass/fail thing. We all just do the best we can, and our "best" varies as much as we as individuals do!

good perspective! some of our "best" aims too high, i know i do. maybe we need to step back and revert to basics, lower the bar and accept our abilities in the moment.

YOU and your posts motivated ME to reach out and join this site, for the express purpose of communicating to you!

i can say the same, ImOkUrOk! You motivated us Zwan!

Zwan, make a new thread titled I am considering to finally make my life happy.

It might help.

good idea. putting positive thoughts into words makes the idea more real.

You can't fail at life, cause there is really no overall goal in life.
Don't let the petty confines of society create dismal manifestation of success.

There is no recipe, your existence is a mere blip in this beautiful universe.
We are insignificant, but that makes us strangely precious.
Just live your life well, and allow yourself to make mistakes and fail.
In the long run, no ones at the other end yelling at you because you failed
its just yourself.

Get up...
do it again...

wow. that is beautiful, HermesReborn.

Zwan, I came looking to talk to others about my depression, it looks like you did too.

if there's a part of you that wants to be happy, but it doesn't know how, well i don't know either, but i'm here to learn. we are in the school of life, and we need to learn how to deal with these emotions, these hurts, anger, frustration and pain.

let us learn together.

 

[zwan]

Way too lazy to write something here but plz see I posted something again under finnaly living or something like that.

 

[SherryGee]

I looked at dates when you first posted and last posted, I have to admit that I am glad you are still here to give us chance to know you.

I have been in your position before, reason I did that because I felt lonely, pushed out and don't fit in. I still think about ending my life but to me, they are just thoughts that trying to brainwash me. Reason I had these thoughts because I was bought up by my dad who often say he will take his own life, I thought they were normal but what is normal anyway.

I think you are still grieving your mum's death, I know I don't know your mum or you but I don't think she would ever want you feel that you want to kill yourself. If you feel you have nobody to live for, just live for your mum until someone comes along and are worth to live for.

Take my advice, go somewhere new and have new hobby and don't look back. You never know that you might end up having amazing friends and meeting new people. If that fails, keep trying. I believe that is what life is about, trying new things until you know what to find. Don't believe in failure because every success has bumpy ride!

 

[heavy heart]

:club:for the last 15yrs I've been in a nightmare , some days I wonder if this is all a dream and right now I'am actually in a coma with my ex wife & kids by my bedside never to wake up. Everything I touch turn's to crap or gets destroyed that is why I have cut all my friends and family out the of my life for the past 11 l am cursed.
I think this mite be it I have no more strength even though I have reconnected with my kids just recently and they hate and I understand why and I don't blame them I always have love them and never for got them not one day went on that I didn't think of them all the time.

 

[TheRealCallie]

:club:for the last 15yrs I've been in a nightmare , some days I wonder if this is all a dream and right now I'am actually in a coma with my ex wife & kids by my bedside never to wake up. Everything I touch turn's to crap or gets destroyed that is why I have cut all my friends and family out the of my life for the past 11 l am cursed.
I think this mite be it I have no more strength even though I have reconnected with my kids just recently and they hate and I understand why and I don't blame them I always have love them and never for got them not one day went on that I didn't think of them all the time.

It's never too late to show someone that you love them and make amends for whatever you might have done. I don't know what happened, but you can't expect them to just flip a switch and be okay with everything right away. You have to keep trying, show them you are being sincere. Actions speak so much louder than words.
Don't give up. You are stronger than you know. If what you are doing isn't working, do something else, take another path and see where it takes you.