I am seriously considering resigning myself to being alone.

[Code S.O.L]

Funny how this world turns, you know?

I had an encounter of chance with a female. Long story short, we start texting and emailing, we work in the same town, she is single and telling me how alone she was and I am telling her how alone I am. She is 34 and thinking she might never find THE one, I am 43 and drowning in loneliness.

She knew I was married but seriously separated and I never EVER insinuated, suggested or implied to take it to another level.
I only offered to her an ear and a beer. Not a joke, just words mixing here. I wanted a friend and to be one.

She said I had a drama in my life and that she had her own. You have to respect that. No problems here.

But why in this world does a relationship between a woman and a man have to carry this burden of one "thinking" that the other wants to get in her/his pants?
The funny thing is that I told her that I really don't like to dwell into "my" drama, as it brings me pain, mental and physical.
Our encounter was a cyber one, didn't know what she looked like. Big, small, black, white, yellow, green, tall, short, nothing at all. She said she always felt inferior to her friends in the look department. That she will go out with friends and all her friends were asked out aftwerwards and she NEVER gets asked out.
I told her how shallow that was and it is what it is for some people. After sometime of listening to her, I ask her to send me a pic. She did and I told her (honestly with no agenda) that some of my friends would "drop their jaws over hot charcoals" after seeing someone like her. I ask her why on earth she could torture herself on looks when she had nothing to be ashamed off.
Apparently she took it as me being to coming on too strong.

I figured, words on text are just cold and un-expressive maybe a misunderstanding.
So I sked her if I could call her to put words in the right context. She took it as the second wave of coming on too strong.

Nope, she ask me not to text or email her again and rejected my willingness to be friendly.
How can someone that says she is so lonely and suffering from social disconnect reject a helping hand? It hurt me, it really did.
I just wanted to have a friend to talk movies, music, books, sports, etc. your everyday stuff and if need be, be there for the other. That was it, plain and simple.

So you see the irony, a lot of us here are looking for someone to talk to and then there are others that claim they do, when presented with an honest opportunity they discard it like yesterday's paper.
Life is not fair at all.

This is definately relevant. The reason I hold myself back, is because as you said. Any sort of advance is an attempt to get into their pants, which is involved eventually, but for some reason, it becomes the sole reason of your advance, and you're villified for it.

 

[aspeckofdust]

I've thought about the same thing before, resigning myself to being alone. I don't think I can though. Sure, I could find something else to draw my strength and self-esteem from, but I don't think the feeling of wanting someone, anyone, to love and live out my life with will ever truly go away. I can even envision myself say, thirty years from now, still lonely and still refusing to give up. Maybe that just makes me stubborn though.

I wish you luck, whether you decide to go down this path of giving up on finding a partner or not.

 

[ade]

Hi Sophia, I have wondered the same thing...and I wonder if I will ever have another relationship, and if not, I identified the same three things to focus on as you did...career, education, family (and friends). But even when I devote energy to these areas it doesn't fill the void of not having a partner. I think working on career & education helps with maintaining self-esteem, so i will continue to work on myself in that way even just to keep busy and keep developing myself and keep my mind occupied. Spending time with friends and family hasn't taken away the loneliness either. I would really like to feel at peace with the idea of being alone forever, but for some reason I am not able to feel that way...yet. Maybe eventually....until then it will continue to be a challenge for me.

Hi Kaede and Sophia, I can relate totally to this. I split with my partner 8 months ago. Since then I have thrown myself into my work and social life as a distraction. I can still be alone even in a crowd and I still come home to an empty house. Sad thing is its not getting any better. I can barely function inside but put on a face as I have found there is only so much people want to hear. I dont want to give up on relationships but it may be for the best as im not sure I can go through this again....

Sorry not good with computers so hope this posts ok.

 

[SophiaGrace]

well I can see your post Ade so I think you did quite well.

I guess life just isn't a box of roses, huh. =/

 

[aspeckofdust]

I guess life just isn't a box of roses, huh. =/

Definitely not. =|

 

[ade]

well I can see your post Ade so I think you did quite well. Thank you.

I guess life just isn't a box of roses, huh. =/

Sure isnt, I would have been happy with just one rose that did'nt die.

 

[SophiaGrace]

well I can see your post Ade so I think you did quite well. Thank you.

I guess life just isn't a box of roses, huh. =/

Sure isnt, I would have been happy with just one rose that did'nt die.

Maybe you have that rose and you don't realize it.

Or, perhaps you have the way to create the rose you so want.

Or, maybe you don't need roses at all but a different kind of flower.

This reminds me, I need to write a letter to my pen-pal from here. Thanks for the reminder! (Though I am not sure how you reminded me...)

 

[ade]

well I can see your post Ade so I think you did quite well. Thank you.

I guess life just isn't a box of roses, huh. =/

Sure isnt, I would have been happy with just one rose that did'nt die.

Maybe you have that rose and you don't realize it.

Or, perhaps you have the way to create the rose you so want.

Or, maybe you don't need roses at all but a different kind of flower.

This reminds me, I need to write a letter to my pen-pal from here. Thanks for the reminder! (Though I am not sure how you reminded me...)

Hi SophiaGrace, I think it was more I could'nt nurture my rose so she went away. I think will give up gardening for a while. You are too young to give up on relationships though, you will get through it. Glad you remembered your letter!