I just don't know what to do with myself

[Guy_In_The_Corner_]

Hey everyone. I really needed a place to vent because there's a lot to get out. I'm glad this place exists.

I'm 17, and I have a strong dislike for myself, and I'm lonely because no-one seems to get that I dislike myself, or why. There's lots of reasons really - I'm ugly and selfish, and while I'm intelligent enough, I lack any confidence. The confidence thing affects me a lot, especially when I need to talk to someone I don't know, such as a potential employer, a new person that I like, or even some stranger at a party. As a teenager this plays a lot into my life, and I feel myself growing lonelier day by day.

I've always been an awkward human being, but it's got worse this year as a result of an awful relationship I had with a girl. We treated each other really poorly, and were both very hurt by the end of it, and as a result my dislike for myself has only strengthened. I no longer associate with the girl, but I don't think I'll ever get over how we treated each other. It wasn't physically abusive, more emotionally. She was a beautiful person and I loved her, but she lied to me a lot about her feelings, and because I'm a naturally anxious person I could see right through it. She never admitted anything until the end. I don't think I'm a good person as a result of this relationship, because I pushed it to such an extremity with my anxiety.

Now when I talk to people I feel guilty and I don't feel as though I deserve their friendship, and I spend more time thinking about talking to people than actually talking to them. I've tried talking to new girls to rekindle feelings of affection for someone, but I usually give up because I no longer care enough about my social life to put in any effort, or rather my anxiety means it's too hard to make conversation with someone. Or maybe I'm just worried that I'd behave the same way as I did in my last relationship. I'm worried about what affect this will have for me in the future, as I lack the confidence to form new friendships or get a job, or do anything for that matter because it just stresses me out too much.

I guess I put this in the loneliness thread because I do feel really lonely. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone, or that I'll ever be able to keep up the pretense that I'm confident long enough for someone I feel affectionate for to feel the same way towards me.

I'd appreciate any advice any of you could provide. I realise that my issues are small compared to a lot of other people on this forum, but I'd still really appreciate it.

 

[Paraiyar]

Your 17 and you've had some relationship experience which is more than many of us on this forum (I'm 24 myself and haven't had an actual girlfriend). I remember when I was 17 I had a internet/phone thing with a girl in another city (we never were in a relationship technically). I met her in the end and it didn't work out. Made me miserable. In hindsight I wish I hadn't tormented myself over it at all and just let it go. I think this break up bothers you now but will seem pretty minor in a year or two.

Do you have any hobbies that would build up your confidence? If yes, maybe focus on that and if not then maybe get one. It will make a difference.

Also, I bet you aren't a horrible person like you think you are. People tend to be their own worst enemies.

 

[constant stranger]

With all due respect GITC, your situation doesn't sound all that unusual. Keep calm and carry on, as the old advice puts it.....you'll get over a bungled relationship and social skills should get easier with time. I know that doesn't really help anything for you now but look for the next relationship and try not to repeat any mistakes.

A really, really important social skill is knowing the right person to pursue a relationship with in the first place. Achieving a real two way, you and her, her and you partnership can do wonders for the self dislike and low confidence thing........of course poor self esteem and low confidence are an obstruction to forming the relationship, but that's a conflict that most people have to muddle through somehow.

A blunder that I made (and I'm about 4 decades older than you) was responding to my low self image by looking for companionship with people whom I thought were as damaged as I believed I was. That just led to a self reinforcing cycle of failed relationships.

 

[ladyforsaken]

At 17, you're bound to make mistakes, Guy. I surely did when I entered my first relationship at 18 years old. I could not have known better and it is from those days and that relationship at the time that I learned so much from to carry forward so that I can improve myself and my future relations with other people.

I believe it's fine to take some time and recover yourself from an experience like this. But don't let it tell you negative things about yourself. Use it as a learning lesson and do what you can to improve yourself so these things can be avoided in the future. Take a look at what you can do to make you feel better about this. Take the positives out of a negative situation like this. It's the best learning opportunity you can get out of life cos it comes with first hand experience.

As for loneliness, you can work on that too. There are a few members here who go for meet up groups despite not feeling too confident and all that. But that's the whole purpose of it. You work on that for yourself at the same time you meet other people. If it doesn't work out the first time, you keep trying, and try other avenues as well. I hope this helps.

Wish you all the best and hope you'll feel better soon.

 

[Guy_In_The_Corner_]

Thanks so much to everyone that's replied to my post. I'll keep in mind everything you've all said, especially to do with forming new relationships. I realise that my issues are small in comparison to many others on this forum, but they are the hardest that I've had to endure thus far in my life.

As for the members who meet - I'd more than likely enjoy meeting up with other members here, but I really have no clue where you all are. Some extra info would be appreciated. I'm in Victoria, Australia, but I'd assume there's people from all over the world here.

Thank you all again.

 

[ladyforsaken]

As for the members who meet - I'd more than likely enjoy meeting up with other members here, but I really have no clue where you all are. Some extra info would be appreciated. I'm in Victoria, Australia, but I'd assume there's people from all over the world here.

Actually, I meant that they search for meet up groups in their location to go to and then share with the forum how it went for them.

However, since you've mentioned it, there was an ALL meet-up but it was in the UK. You could always round up all the Australians on the forum, (I remember there are a few here) to plan for an Australian ALL meet up.

 

[Guy_In_The_Corner_]

As for the members who meet - I'd more than likely enjoy meeting up with other members here, but I really have no clue where you all are. Some extra info would be appreciated. I'm in Victoria, Australia, but I'd assume there's people from all over the world here.

Actually, I meant that they search for meet up groups in their location to go to and then share with the forum how it went for them.

However, since you've mentioned it, there was an ALL meet-up but it was in the UK. You could always round up all the Australians on the forum, (I remember there are a few here) to plan for an Australian ALL meet up.

Yeah, I'd like to do that, but maybe I'll get more into the forum itself and get to know some of the people better before any of that.

 

[kathyjoyce]

I am so sorry to read that you're in such a bad place emotionally. Do you have any family or friends you can confide in? You're very young, and 17 can be a difficult age to go through. You're not a child, yet still not an adult. Try not to focus on these negative thoughts going on in your head. Instead think of all the good things about yourself and focus on those instead. Give yourself time, and if you feel no better consider seeing a counsellor.