I Need Help!!!

[Mooosic]

What's the best way to get rid of low self esteem! I really, really need help. It's to the point where I don't smile in pictures, Im always avoiding people, I avoid mirrors, I'm just NOT confident at all. The worst part is I'm a senior in High school. I was just forced to take senior pictures, and although people said they looked nice, I didn't believe them and it actually made me depressed. For prom I felt pretty, but when I saw the other girls I felt ugly. In one of my classes we had to make a collage/video on ourselves. Ever since I've started school I've done every single assignment, but I didn't do that one. It's pathetic, I know. I have a twin sister and she's really pretty and confident, I just wish I had the confidence she has.

In August I'm going to be moving out and going to this college I got accepted to. I want to go there with confidence. In June I'm going to a three day orientation there and there's going to be socials and stuff like that O.O I don't do good at socials.
I don't want to be this socially awkward person with low self esteem. Can someone please help me? How long does it takes to boost your confidence?

I'm desperate to be changed. I really need help.
Thanks for reading

 

[Firefly]

..... people said they looked nice ..... For prom I felt pretty ....... Ever since I've started school I've done every single assignment ...... going to this college I got accepted to .........

Hi Mooosic. I'm not sure I'm the best person to offer any assistance as I have absolutely zero self esteem and confidence.

However, you'll notice I have quoted some sections from your post. Take some confidence from these really positive things about you and what you have done.

As for the socials .... It may sound stupid and you may find it hard to do but SMILE - you will automatically appear more approachable.

Also, there are bound to be others there who are low on confidence. If you see someone sat alone, approach them. Put yourself in their position and think how good you would feel if someone did that to you.

I'm not saying these things are easy (I know how hard I would find it !), but just some things to think about.

Good luck

 

[Itsdarkb4thedawn]

Hi Firefly
I can relate to what you’re going through so I’ll share a something I learnt along the way in the hope it may help you out. At first I thought it wouldn’t work for me but instead of dismissing it out of hand which I would normally do, I decided to give it a go and it did help.
All my life I had been doing it my way and the truth was my way wasn’t working so for once I tried something else, give it a go.

Get a note book and everyday you wake up write in the book
10 things that you are grateful for
Things you are good at
Good things that someone has said to you in the past

When I fist gave it a go I was surprised how hard it was and in the beginning all I had to say about myself was negative and bad. I really struggled with it to start as I felt I had no self worth. I first had to realise there are many things I am grateful for, it could be my family, it could be the air I breath, it could be anything. I was good at some things but I had to force myself to write them down, allowing myself the credit for them. As for good things people said about me in the past? To write these I had to just write them and forget about whether I believed them or not.

It’s not easy but no one said it would be, for me it worked and went someway to filling the void.

 

[Mooosic]

I'm going to try the technique of writing down the positive things. Firefly helped me for today by pointing out the positive things I said and didn't even realize it. Tomorrow might be hard though, but I see you said it was. I doubt this is gonna help me right away, but I know that this is a good first step towards change.

Thanks so much to the both of you! I really appreciate your responses

 

[Social Knight]

I'm going to try the technique of writing down the positive things. Firefly helped me for today by pointing out the positive things I said and didn't even realize it. Tomorrow might be hard though, but I see you said it was. I doubt this is gonna help me right away, but I know that this is a good first step towards change.

Thanks so much to the both of you! I really appreciate your responses

See professional counseling.

If you have an older and wise and mature friend, ask them for suggestion.

Most of the lonely people on here, have the same problem.

 

[Alaric]

First of all, you need someone to talk to. If you are in college, you need to seek out the counselors there and sit down and just let it all out.

There are a zillion exercises you can do, but it all boils down to the person you are. Who do you want to be? How would you like others to perceive you? You cannot deal with any of this in a forum like this. Not because the people here are unwilling or do not care - they do! It's because they cannot see you physically. A counselor can see you, and you can talk about anything you like. It is not a matter of being nuts, or going crazy, it's a matter of facing all kinds of complex fears that are taking all the enjoyment and fun out of your life.

Don't waste any more of it!!! Go seek out someone to talk to, and remember that counselors really DO care!!! I know I do... The very best thing is that anything you say to them never gets repeated. Even your closest friends cannot guarantee that.

 

[Mooosic]

Right now there's no counselors available. I'm out of school, I graduate Saturday and start college in august so there's noone available til then! As for older, mature friends... I tend to hang around people younger than me (never understood why)! Everyone thinks I'm happy with myself. I don't think anyone knows what I'm going through besides ppl on here because of this post. I'm in the state of mind that the only thing that would help is if I just one day woke up beautiful.

 

[Itsdarkb4thedawn]

Give it a go, it's not easy but it costs nothing and your never know unless you give it a go. I did mention I thought it was bull when I first did it but at the time I had the gift of desperation. I was introduced to it during my time in hospital, I spent a month there for depression and I'm just passing it on. I hope you will feel better soon and I wish you all the best, I truly do.....

 

[Firefly]

Hi Firefly
I can relate to what you’re going through so I’ll share a something I learnt along the way in the hope it may help you out. At first I thought it wouldn’t work for me but instead of dismissing it out of hand which I would normally do, I decided to give it a go and it did help.
All my life I had been doing it my way and the truth was my way wasn’t working so for once I tried something else, give it a go.

Get a note book and everyday you wake up write in the book
10 things that you are grateful for
Things you are good at
Good things that someone has said to you in the past

When I fist gave it a go I was surprised how hard it was and in the beginning all I had to say about myself was negative and bad. I really struggled with it to start as I felt I had no self worth. I first had to realise there are many things I am grateful for, it could be my family, it could be the air I breath, it could be anything. I was good at some things but I had to force myself to write them down, allowing myself the credit for them. As for good things people said about me in the past? To write these I had to just write them and forget about whether I believed them or not.

It’s not easy but no one said it would be, for me it worked and went someway to filling the void.

Thanks ItsDark. I'm going to try to give this a go.
Like yourself, this is the kind of thing I would have dismissed in the past. However, for various reasons, I have recently become more open to any techniques that might make me feel better.
I think it may be a while before I can aim for a list of 10 though !

 

[Mooosic]

How long was it before you saw progress with this technique?
I know it's going to take a while, but I'm just curious?

 

[Alaric]

Right now there's no counselors available. I'm out of school, I graduate Saturday and start college in august so there's noone available til then! As for older, mature friends... I tend to hang around people younger than me (never understood why)! Everyone thinks I'm happy with myself. I don't think anyone knows what I'm going through besides ppl on here because of this post. I'm in the state of mind that the only thing that would help is if I just one day woke up beautiful.

Firefly is describing a kind of journaling. Her method is a kind of self-inventory where she lists the things she likes, and the things she wants to change. Some people look in a mirror and do it, other write it down. Journaling is an excellent part of a therapy process, and something most counselors advise.

You most likely hang out with younger people because they look up to you, and that is always an ego boost. The most telling thing you said, however, is that "the only thing that would help is if I just one day woke up beautiful." Jump on the internet and look at people who ARE beautiful, but not because of some external quality, rather an internal quality. Steve Buscemi, Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, America Ferrera, even Lady Gaga all leap to my mind. In the classic sense, these are not "beautiful" people, but whatever it is that they have makes them "beautiful." So are you. Read over what you have said in here, and you will find lots of clues to your own beauty.

 

[Mooosic]

^^^ Thank you! I really appreciate the help !

 

[Masson]

Well I don't have a low self-esteem , I have days when I don't like something about myself but all in all I do not hate myself but I have other social issues that can relate to this. In order for someone to be happy with themselves they must first learn to accept every part of ones self. How do you expect to be confident and so on in front of other people if you can't be with yourself.
The thing is that people with low self-esteem spend to much time thinking , thinking about everything they did and said . They go over and over past memories and think "man I could of handled that different , I should of said something else " and from there on you start having doubts and issues when interacting with others always thinking about what to say and do to appeal to the other person or just look normal / not look like a loser.
And here is my opinion on all of this , people don't care what you say or think because that's whats makes us human , being unique , I've seen a ton of people who act all crazy but I don't care that's just who they are and they sure as hell don't care about my opinion of them. Now I know this is easier said than done but start slowly , just let go of every negative thought you have , simply block them or change them into a pleasant memory be it real or fake. Let there be no day when you tell yourself how special you are , that anyone that looks at you they look because your pretty , that anyone that thinks off you is doing so because of a positive reason. It may sound stupid but this things actually work , but in order for that to happen you have to believe in what you say , you have to make your mind think that you are confident , that you don't give a rats ass about what other say or think about you , that you are the dominant person in social situations. You don't realize or maybe you do but you tend to think that others are better than you , stop it , its not true , there is no such thing as a better person than you , sure they might be better in some aspects ( like sports and such ) but not as a person.
Furthermore find somebody with whom you can be yourself , I'm not talking about a gf / bf necessarily , but a normal friend relationship , that one person that listen to you and even thou you don't agree on everything he / she supports you all the way. It is much easier if you find this person because its like a practice for the future interactions you will have with others.
I could probably go on with this and turn it into the China Wall of text but I think its enough for now. If its something you really have to remember from all my gibberish is that you have to make yourself believe you are who you are and nothing else matters , you shouldn't destroy your well being and life because of what others think of you , those are words that I live by.

 

[Mooosic]

Masson...

After reading your post I thought about, and you're absolutely right. I worry too much about how I messed up in the past, and it's holding me back... if that makes sense. I do worry too much about what people will think, and I barely EVER say positive things about myself. Maybe now since I know the problem, I can fix it with the techniques you all have said. The problem is that Im scared I won't be consistent. When one thing goes wrong I'm going to go back to being negative about myself. I'm going to block all the negative thoughts in my head. I'm very determined with changing. I hate having such low confidence. Thank you so much for your help! Everyone has been so helpful! As of now, I'm writing down positive things AND trying not to think negative at all!
As for finding a friend, that's going to be hard for me to do right now.
But again, Thanks!!!

 

[Masson]

Your welcome and I hope you start improving . Your doing it again with the " Im scared I won't be consistent " , don't think about it just do it. You can try finding a friend here on the forums , there are lots of good people here and maybe its not the same thing as a day to day friend but its a start , and letting out anything you have on your mind to them can help.