I think I figured it out.

[Alonewith2cats]

I think I figured out how to handle loneliness. It's not something you can fix overnight. It's a process and some people will always struggle with it. Maybe I will always struggle with it but will find ways to manage it. My loneliness has affected me to the point of tears on many days followed by waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and seeing large puffy eyelids and not getting enough sleep. I have been seeing a therapist who gave me an affirmation to repeat to myself. I had to rewrite it because it looked like a fairy tale. Well, anyway, this is what I figured out.

Loneliness is a dangerous black hole of depression and self-pity that will suck you in if you let it. It can and WILL affect your emotional, mental and physical health if you don't fight it. But it's a slow process, like smoking cigarrettes so don't worry, it won't kill you today or tomorrow or anytime soon. Lonely people need to start with 2 questions to begin the process of making things better.

Question #1: What can I do to feel better right now?

Ok, so right now you have to be alone. You may not be able to magically make yourself happy but what can you do for you to feel better? After all the greatest companion of loneliness is boredom. For example, I'm pissed that some pigeons pooped all over the chairs and tables of my balcony and as much as I love animals, I wouldn't mind if my cats acted on their instincts and killed them. So what I can do to feel better is take my vacuum cleaner and clean up all the poop and clean up all the debris on my balcony, soak the dirty chair cushions in the sink, rinse them and let them dry, wipe the dust of the tables and chairs, water my neglected plants and then when everything is nice, sit outside with my cats, a cup of tea, a meal, a book or my coloring book materials (yes, adults can color, just get more advanced, more detailed, more artistic coloring books. I recently ordered a chinese dragon stained glass coloring book, I'm going to have so much fun with that, I'll temporarily forget I'm lonely). Another example. It can make me feel better to get dressed up and go somewhere, anywhere I want to go. After all I am single and I have so much freedom.

Question # 2: What can I do or how can I put myself in situations that create opportunities to connect with other people?

It can be as simple as picking up the phone and calling someone but you have to do more than that because if you are lonely no one person can satisfy all of your needs. You can and should call your Mother, it will make you feel better for the moment but you need to do more stuff to combat this monster called loneliness. For example, I understand that volunteering can be good for lonely people but I am unable to make a committment to it. Perhaps I can find something to volunteer once a month. That wouldn't be too much for me. I can look around for meet up groups on line. In the past I have taken a one time art class and a one time cooking class. I can look for more opportunities like this. It also helps just to get out of the house. I live in San Diego and I consider myself a tourist and I'm from San Diego. So I'm a tourist in my own home town and I like to get out and explore what San Diego has to offer. I may or may not meet the love of my life while I go out exploring (but I am hopeful) but more than likely I will talk to a few people. Well, there is a tea place that someone recommended to me that has cucumber sandwiches and rose jam and as soon as my laundry is done, I'm going to take a shower, dress up and find out how to take the bus there. I'll bring my Ingrid Bergman book with me.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

 

[Grackle]

Hope you have a good time and positive things happen for you.
Your tips are good and sensible, thanks for sharing them.

 

[LadyDaria]

So I'm a tourist in my own home town and I like to get out and explore what San Diego has to offer. I may or may not meet the love of my life while I go out exploring (but I am hopeful) but more than likely I will talk to a few people.

I have decided that this spring and summer I am going to devote on weekend day to getting out and doing something touristy. I live in Boston and yet, I rarely take advantage of anything here. Typically I feel like I can't do these things on the weekends because I have errands to run, but I end up not getting the errands done and just watching tv or playing on the internet.

So this spring and summer I am devoting every Sunday to some event, such as going to a museam, or a park etc.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

It is so worth it. I had a great time today. I took 3 buses to get to Tea Upon Chatsworth. On the way I got into a conversation with a guy at the bus stop who was helpful in making sure I was on the right bus and didn't get lost. When I got to Tea Upon Chatsworth there were a bunch of women sitting together at tables drinking tea, eating tea sandwiches and cakes and chatting and I was the only one sitting alone at a table drinking tea and having a few bites but you know what? I didn't care. I enjoyed the experience, a very Victorian style place, good place to go with girl friends for sure, I didn't see any guys there. Afterwards I took 2 buses to Old Town and walked around. There are lots of people in Old Town on Saturday nights. I found another tea place in Old Town and chatted with the girl at the register and bought some tea and Agave syrup and for dinner I went to a place called O'Hungrys and had a $6.00 dinner, baked chicken, mashed potatoes, veggies and a roll, had a coversation with a couple there from New York. They want to move to San Diego and they asked me if I love it in San Diego and I said yes. There was live music there too. Then I bought bath crystals from a candle and soap place, bought a cup of Chai Tea and bused myself back home. It is not embarrassing to eat in a restaurant alone. One should not care what others think. If I had stayed home today instead of getting out I would have felt sad and isolated considering one of my friends who I was supposed to go out dancing with tonight flaked and did not call.