Alonewith2cats
Well-known member
I think I figured out how to handle loneliness. It's not something you can fix overnight. It's a process and some people will always struggle with it. Maybe I will always struggle with it but will find ways to manage it. My loneliness has affected me to the point of tears on many days followed by waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and seeing large puffy eyelids and not getting enough sleep. I have been seeing a therapist who gave me an affirmation to repeat to myself. I had to rewrite it because it looked like a fairy tale. Well, anyway, this is what I figured out.
Loneliness is a dangerous black hole of depression and self-pity that will suck you in if you let it. It can and WILL affect your emotional, mental and physical health if you don't fight it. But it's a slow process, like smoking cigarrettes so don't worry, it won't kill you today or tomorrow or anytime soon. Lonely people need to start with 2 questions to begin the process of making things better.
Question #1: What can I do to feel better right now?
Ok, so right now you have to be alone. You may not be able to magically make yourself happy but what can you do for you to feel better? After all the greatest companion of loneliness is boredom. For example, I'm pissed that some pigeons pooped all over the chairs and tables of my balcony and as much as I love animals, I wouldn't mind if my cats acted on their instincts and killed them. So what I can do to feel better is take my vacuum cleaner and clean up all the poop and clean up all the debris on my balcony, soak the dirty chair cushions in the sink, rinse them and let them dry, wipe the dust of the tables and chairs, water my neglected plants and then when everything is nice, sit outside with my cats, a cup of tea, a meal, a book or my coloring book materials (yes, adults can color, just get more advanced, more detailed, more artistic coloring books. I recently ordered a chinese dragon stained glass coloring book, I'm going to have so much fun with that, I'll temporarily forget I'm lonely). Another example. It can make me feel better to get dressed up and go somewhere, anywhere I want to go. After all I am single and I have so much freedom.
Question # 2: What can I do or how can I put myself in situations that create opportunities to connect with other people?
It can be as simple as picking up the phone and calling someone but you have to do more than that because if you are lonely no one person can satisfy all of your needs. You can and should call your Mother, it will make you feel better for the moment but you need to do more stuff to combat this monster called loneliness. For example, I understand that volunteering can be good for lonely people but I am unable to make a committment to it. Perhaps I can find something to volunteer once a month. That wouldn't be too much for me. I can look around for meet up groups on line. In the past I have taken a one time art class and a one time cooking class. I can look for more opportunities like this. It also helps just to get out of the house. I live in San Diego and I consider myself a tourist and I'm from San Diego. So I'm a tourist in my own home town and I like to get out and explore what San Diego has to offer. I may or may not meet the love of my life while I go out exploring (but I am hopeful) but more than likely I will talk to a few people. Well, there is a tea place that someone recommended to me that has cucumber sandwiches and rose jam and as soon as my laundry is done, I'm going to take a shower, dress up and find out how to take the bus there. I'll bring my Ingrid Bergman book with me.
Have a nice weekend everyone!
Loneliness is a dangerous black hole of depression and self-pity that will suck you in if you let it. It can and WILL affect your emotional, mental and physical health if you don't fight it. But it's a slow process, like smoking cigarrettes so don't worry, it won't kill you today or tomorrow or anytime soon. Lonely people need to start with 2 questions to begin the process of making things better.
Question #1: What can I do to feel better right now?
Ok, so right now you have to be alone. You may not be able to magically make yourself happy but what can you do for you to feel better? After all the greatest companion of loneliness is boredom. For example, I'm pissed that some pigeons pooped all over the chairs and tables of my balcony and as much as I love animals, I wouldn't mind if my cats acted on their instincts and killed them. So what I can do to feel better is take my vacuum cleaner and clean up all the poop and clean up all the debris on my balcony, soak the dirty chair cushions in the sink, rinse them and let them dry, wipe the dust of the tables and chairs, water my neglected plants and then when everything is nice, sit outside with my cats, a cup of tea, a meal, a book or my coloring book materials (yes, adults can color, just get more advanced, more detailed, more artistic coloring books. I recently ordered a chinese dragon stained glass coloring book, I'm going to have so much fun with that, I'll temporarily forget I'm lonely). Another example. It can make me feel better to get dressed up and go somewhere, anywhere I want to go. After all I am single and I have so much freedom.
Question # 2: What can I do or how can I put myself in situations that create opportunities to connect with other people?
It can be as simple as picking up the phone and calling someone but you have to do more than that because if you are lonely no one person can satisfy all of your needs. You can and should call your Mother, it will make you feel better for the moment but you need to do more stuff to combat this monster called loneliness. For example, I understand that volunteering can be good for lonely people but I am unable to make a committment to it. Perhaps I can find something to volunteer once a month. That wouldn't be too much for me. I can look around for meet up groups on line. In the past I have taken a one time art class and a one time cooking class. I can look for more opportunities like this. It also helps just to get out of the house. I live in San Diego and I consider myself a tourist and I'm from San Diego. So I'm a tourist in my own home town and I like to get out and explore what San Diego has to offer. I may or may not meet the love of my life while I go out exploring (but I am hopeful) but more than likely I will talk to a few people. Well, there is a tea place that someone recommended to me that has cucumber sandwiches and rose jam and as soon as my laundry is done, I'm going to take a shower, dress up and find out how to take the bus there. I'll bring my Ingrid Bergman book with me.
Have a nice weekend everyone!