I'M A FREAK!!!

[LonelyL]

I’m in my mid 40s and never experienced a loving relationship which makes me a freak! How many people are there in the world who is exactly like me? Not many I bet! Most of the people in this world are married or have been married with kids but not me.. Here I am close to my middle age and still have not yet have a boyfriend, still living with my parents with no friends, NO F$@*ing life!! which makes me a F$@*ing freak!! I bet I'll be this way till my old age.. I swear I will end my life soon because I can’t live like this, it’s pathetic!!!!

 

[Tiina63]

Hi LonelyL, I am a mid fifties female and still haven't been married, though all my adult life all I have ever wanted is to marry and have children, so you are by no means alone in your situation. I have had relationships, but still haven't met the right person. It is so hard to reach middle age and to still be single when all around us people are married and settled. And yes, you can so easily feel like a freak, that there is something wrong with you. Do you find that people tend to assume that you have chosen to be single and that you like it? It drives me mad when people assume this about me. Have you tried to find someone? Internet dating can be hell on earth, but it can work out (at least it has for some people who have tried it.) Or do you go out socially to places where you might meet someone?
I often wish I could die as well as the sheer emptiness and loneliness does get to me all the time, but somehow I keep hoping that one day someone will come along.

 

[duff]

I’m in my mid 40s and never experienced a loving relationship which makes me a freak! How many people are there in the world who is exactly like me? Not many I bet! Most of the people in this world are married or have been married with kids but not me.. Here I am close to my middle age and still have not yet have a boyfriend, still living with my parents with no friends, NO F$@*ing life!! which makes me a F$@*ing freak!! I bet I'll be this way till my old age.. I swear I will end my life soon because I can’t live like this, it’s pathetic!!!!

relationships are over rated. Married people aren't always happy in fact most of them probably hate their lives. When you figure this out you will make progress. Who cares if you live with your parents ? I live my Dad and I'm in my 40's. I don't give a honeysuckle what people think and you shouldn't.

You haven't got a life ? Then go out and find one. I don't know if you work or not. If not try and get a job to get out of the house. If you can't do some charity work. That makes you spare time more precious. Do something your interested in. Walking, photography, travelling. Don't worry if you haven't got anybody to go with. That's not important. Find an interest, a passion, something that makes you happy.

Your not a freak, your just probably different to most people. But what's wrong with that ? What's so good about being the same as everybody else ?

 

[Spiderpope]

I’m in my mid 40s and never experienced a loving relationship which makes me a freak! How many people are there in the world who is exactly like me? Not many I bet! Most of the people in this world are married or have been married with kids but not me.. Here I am close to my middle age and still have not yet have a boyfriend, still living with my parents with no friends, NO F$@*ing life!! which makes me a F$@*ing freak!! I bet I'll be this way till my old age.. I swear I will end my life soon because I can’t live like this, it’s pathetic!!!!

You're not a freak, or pathetic at all. But i do have to say the only way you are going to get out of the rut you are in is to push yourself out of it. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Anything that could get you socializing and out the house?

 

[Peaches]

Hi LonelyL, no, that doesn't make you a freak. I am turning 40 this year, and never had the experience of someone ever loving me, getting married is an abstract concept that I read about and that I suspect will not happen in this life. And that in spite of leaving home when I was 18, and never going back for more than some months.

Living with one's parents becomes a problem in some way, that is: a) if the relationship with parents is keeping one's from expressing themselves.
I explain: one of my uncles lived with his parents until he was 60 but he was like a child, always quarrelling with his mother, hating her but also being totally dependent, I guess if one manages to keep one's independence living with parents is not a problem,
unless
b) one wants to party, and/or get laid, then living with the parents is really a downside, unless one wants to be really disrespectful.
It's not like moving out of the family's house makes one automatically get a life, you can already start trying putting yourself out there, but if you feel that living with your parents somehow affects your personality in a negative way, consider moving or finding a very personal space. But yes, the eventual problem is not at all living with one's parents, but rather the relationship with them, so if that is OK and they are happy that you have your own life and you have your space without the hassle and the expense, then it's great.

 

[ardour]

34 year old man who's never been in a relationship here, and I suspect I never will. Why do you still live at home?

 

[EveWasFramed]

But.... I've often found that "freaks" are pretty cool and are rarely boring.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm 10 years younger than you and in the same position.

Whenever I think I am a freak, I remember all the things that I've accomplished in my life, and the relationships that are non romantic that I have to remember. Then I realize I'm normal.

And if a woman doesn't want to be with me, it's her loss. I'm not going to cry over that.

 

[LoneKiller]

Oh stop. You're not a freak. You are a woman who is looking for happiness and stability in your life right now. It's not fair to blame yourself. Too many people do that. Gain some more self-esteem and respect and you will find that things may just work out. You deserve to be happy like everyone else. Now go and find it.

 

[LonelyL]

You are by no means alone in your situation. I have had relationships, but still haven't met the right person.

OH BROTHER! How many times do I have to hear people say these things? Your story is no similar to mine! You just don't get it, I NEVER EXPERIENCED A RELATIONSHIP!!! If I had been in relationships I wouldn't be posting this thread.. Some people just don't understand my situation..

 

[Runciter]

To all you people who think you have it bad because you have never experienced a relationship, you seem to be forgetting how lucky you are. Please, do some volunteer work with children in a third world country, it might put your predicament into context.

I'm not saying you should be happy about it but you shouldn't let the fact that you've never been in a relationship ruin the rest of your life by making you miserable. Yeah, I'll admit that you're missing something beautiful but you're also missing what it feels like to have your heart broken.

If you think that having a relationship will cure your loneliness, it probably won't. There are many people here who have/had loving relationships and yet are still completely lonely and miserable.

I'll say it again (I seem to be saying this a lot): Self-deprecation is one of the single most unattractive traits a person can have. If you think of yourself as a freak, other people will pick up on that and you'll have a very hard time finding someone to be with. Have some self-respect, quit dwelling on your problems and try to enjoy your life without the need to conform to social ideals. Perhaps then you'll find that members of the opposite sex will start to enjoy your company and maybe you'll even find someone special to spend your life with.

 

[Drama]

I’m in my mid 40s and never experienced a loving relationship which makes me a freak! How many people are there in the world who is exactly like me? Not many I bet! Most of the people in this world are married or have been married with kids but not me.. Here I am close to my middle age and still have not yet have a boyfriend, still living with my parents with no friends, NO F$@*ing life!! which makes me a F$@*ing freak!! I bet I'll be this way till my old age.. I swear I will end my life soon because I can’t live like this, it’s pathetic!!!!

Im a freak too! Let's be friend and be proud of being freaks!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm definitely a freak, but that's okay. Freaks are cool.

 

[ardour]

I'll say it again (I seem to be saying this a lot): Self-deprecation is one of the single most unattractive traits a person can have. If you think of yourself as a freak, other people will pick up on that and you'll have a very hard time finding someone to be with.

In any sane society you would think self-deprecation would rank low down the list in relation to other unattractive traits, like self-absorption, inability to empathise or sacrifice for anyone else, laziness, apathy, self-willed ignorance, lustful objectification...

But apparently no, "not loving yourself" is one the least appealing characters traits. What does that say about the state of society; superficial assessments of others, the worship of the all mighty EGO, let us all bow down to the idol of CONFIDENCE at the expense of everything else.

 

[Runciter]

In any sane society you would think self-deprecation would rank low down the list in relation to other unattractive traits, like self-absorption, inability to empathise or sacrifice for anyone else, laziness, apathy, self-willed ignorance, lustful objectification...

Any sane society would rank all of the above at about the same level. Highly unattractive.

But apparently no, "not loving yourself" is one the least appealing characters traits. What does that say about the state of society; superficial assessments of others, the worship of the all mighty EGO, let us all bow down to the idol of CONFIDENCE at the expense of everything else.

Not everyone who is clear of self-deprecating views is a hedonistic narcissist who is in love with themselves. There is a difference between being conformable with who you are and being an arrogant prick.

As for the ego, having a self-depricating attitude is just as bad as being a narcisist, they're just oposite ends of the scale. The idea is to find a balance and have neither an inflated nor deflated ego, but a well rounded one.

As for "bowing down to the idol of confidence at the expense of everything else," I'm not really sure what the hell your talking about to be honest. But again, the idea isn't to be some super confident guy who can get any women into bed just by clicking his finger. The goal is to have enough confidence in your life so that you can get on and do the things you love without feeling sorry for yourself and living a life of regret.

 

[ardour]

What I'm talking about is how people seem willing to forgive major character flaws in others as long as they have confidence, but no benefit of the doubt is given to those who are lacking in it. It strikes me as very shallow.

 

[Runciter]

What I'm talking about is how people seem willing to forgive major character flaws in others as long as they have confidence, but no benefit of the doubt is given to those who are lacking in it. It strikes me as very shallow.

That is their problem and you'll probably find that people who do that have deep seated issues too. Having confidence shouldn't be something that is used to cover up your other flaws, it should be something that allows you to accept your flaws.

I have seen my fair share of women in the past who specifically like emotionally troubled guys. They are to be avoided at all cost!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Being single in itself doesn't make you a freak.

And there are plenty of people who are more troubled, who are in relationships. Be thankful you aren't them!

 

[ladyforsaken]

To all you people who think you have it bad because you have never experienced a relationship, you seem to be forgetting how lucky you are. Please, do some volunteer work with children in a third world country, it might put your predicament into context.

I gotta agree. It kinda opens up your eyes to see that there's more to life than what you're worrying about and that you're actually having it better than a lot of them.

I'll say it again (I seem to be saying this a lot): Self-deprecation is one of the single most unattractive traits a person can have. If you think of yourself as a freak, other people will pick up on that and you'll have a very hard time finding someone to be with. Have some self-respect, quit dwelling on your problems and try to enjoy your life without the need to conform to social ideals. Perhaps then you'll find that members of the opposite sex will start to enjoy your company and maybe you'll even find someone special to spend your life with.

I think you are right on this. I used to be pretty bad with self-deprecation... but have improved over time and since I've improved in this area, I've never known so many nice people in my life before - and never would have known that I could actually be loved and cared for.

+1

 

[VanillaCreme]

But.... I've often found that "freaks" are pretty cool and are rarely boring.

This was my thought. I thought this would be a rejoicing thread for all the freaks! But, seriously, it's more common than you think. I sincerely hope that you at least find someone you can talk to. Cheers.