somber_radiance
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Messages
- 61
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Most people don't notice me.
I'm easily forgotten.
I have horrible self-esteem.
I never feel good enough.
I think everyone is disappointed in me.
I believe I have inherited a curse to a life of disappointment and unhappiness.
The list can go on....
It's just a vicious cycle of feeling ignored, then feeling bad and drawing more inward/having less to say. I'm told I don't open up/talk enough, but when I do, people don't listen and if they do, they soon forget the heart to heart conversations. I believe people in my class think I'm stupid because I'm not at the top anymore, like I was in high school. That too makes me less likely to be social. Nowadays, I hang out with my friends and go out to distract myself. Four years of meeting people and I still never feel like I belong anywhere. Once I am alone, the tears start flowing again.
I think my shyness and my low self-esteem weigh down and hide the real me. On the other hand, I have an alter-ego that I consider a borderline slut...the kind that likes to party and make out with random guys. I don't like that either. I want to find a happy in-between. I'm so tired of being a wallflower. I want to be wanted and loved. The only people who ever call me are my parents...I wish more people cared.
I pretend I'm fine and that I'm a-okay with being single. But I hate my life and I would love to find that special someone to share my life with (when my life becomes awesomer). He doesn't have to be the one. Seriously...in the most simple sense, I just want a best friend.
Does anyone else feel this way/have a similar experience? And how do you deal with it?
I'm easily forgotten.
I have horrible self-esteem.
I never feel good enough.
I think everyone is disappointed in me.
I believe I have inherited a curse to a life of disappointment and unhappiness.
The list can go on....
It's just a vicious cycle of feeling ignored, then feeling bad and drawing more inward/having less to say. I'm told I don't open up/talk enough, but when I do, people don't listen and if they do, they soon forget the heart to heart conversations. I believe people in my class think I'm stupid because I'm not at the top anymore, like I was in high school. That too makes me less likely to be social. Nowadays, I hang out with my friends and go out to distract myself. Four years of meeting people and I still never feel like I belong anywhere. Once I am alone, the tears start flowing again.
I think my shyness and my low self-esteem weigh down and hide the real me. On the other hand, I have an alter-ego that I consider a borderline slut...the kind that likes to party and make out with random guys. I don't like that either. I want to find a happy in-between. I'm so tired of being a wallflower. I want to be wanted and loved. The only people who ever call me are my parents...I wish more people cared.
I pretend I'm fine and that I'm a-okay with being single. But I hate my life and I would love to find that special someone to share my life with (when my life becomes awesomer). He doesn't have to be the one. Seriously...in the most simple sense, I just want a best friend.
Does anyone else feel this way/have a similar experience? And how do you deal with it?