I'm new here so here goes.
Basically I'm 19 years of age, I'm a shy male and i find it extremely difficult to communicate with people in general. I really do try to stay positive in life although it's extremely difficult sometimes. Basically i left school with poor grades as i had alot going on in my life at the time, sometimes i just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up again.
My dad died when i was a young teenager, 13 to be exact. I've never been the same since. Basically i gradually lost all my freinds and quite literally had no one except my sister i still couldn't talk to her about those things though, as she was 3 years older than me and we use to argue all the time. ( you know what brothers and sisters are like especially at that age)
Then a year down the line when i turned 14 my sister moved out with her boyfreind another year goes by and my mum quite literally "lost the plot" if you like and kept banging doors, shouting her head off and generally not caring about me at all. I had no one to turn to no one to comfort me no freinds no one to ask for help the only good "thing" i had left was my lovely cat. Basically i sat in one room.. this room being my bedroom day in day out feeling depressed, playing games, researching. I was really low and depressed and basically i have been like this for many years and i felt like i was a failure ever since until i found out that one of my "freinds" who i rarely went out with only a few times as a "mate" but he was such a nice person with such a kind heart and such a good personality people would say he was an idiot at times, lol but he was a good one. Anyway i found out that he caused self-harm and tragically passed away which i couldn't believe at the time he was only a couple years older than me...
I'm now attending some "counselling" which hasn't helped me alot tbh.. but i know i have to change and i believe i am gradually, basically that's why i'm on here because i need to change and i want to make a difference to other peoples lives, i got my mum diagnosed with a mental illness a year ago one of the best things i ever did as she is better now as shes on tablets. It was extremely difficult at first to convince her she kept saying stuff like "they will take me away and put me in a mental hospital and you will never see me again, i heard on the radio someone took these tablets and they had a heart attack" etc...she still believes shes normal to this day but hey.. atleast shes on tablets now and is much better and calmer ( no more banging doors etc, yay!) I still find it very difficult to meet new people irl i use to seriously struggle with eye contact( i still do) but it is becoming a little easier now i think. i will check and check and check myself again and again to make sure i look okay before i go out then of course when i get to the front door i stand there for minutes thinking to myself should i go out and face the music? half the time i end up being late because of it, lol i know it sounds stupid. :club: I have been convinced i have had cancer for the past 4 years now i'm talking about testicular cancer here, idk i just keep recieveing pain and also ever since i fell down the stairs just over a year ago my back has never been the same since. ( I'm actually a very safe person, not clumsy at all i was just extremely depressed at that time) I went to the doctors about it recently after leaving it a year he said the pains are down to anxiety.. i don't see how it is tbh, i mean i agree i get very depressed sometimes but i just can't see how the pains are down to anxiety.
SORRY for the long post.. ever since my dad died i have always wanted to be that person who truly cares for others and help others in desperate need. This is why one day i'd like to work in the security industry and for the police, maybe even volunteer as a coastguard on the rnli crews if i secure a fairly well paid job and i'm sure with a little push and courage i will do it. I'm hoping to work in a charity shop in the next month or so.
But no seriously i have come on here to actually get to know other people and make new freinds, not to constantly just talk about my problems and not listen to others, quite the contrary.
I wasn't sure to post this or not..as i never do stuff like this really, like i said i am very shy in real life hope it makes sense, also sorry for the long life story...
Basically I'm 19 years of age, I'm a shy male and i find it extremely difficult to communicate with people in general. I really do try to stay positive in life although it's extremely difficult sometimes. Basically i left school with poor grades as i had alot going on in my life at the time, sometimes i just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up again.
My dad died when i was a young teenager, 13 to be exact. I've never been the same since. Basically i gradually lost all my freinds and quite literally had no one except my sister i still couldn't talk to her about those things though, as she was 3 years older than me and we use to argue all the time. ( you know what brothers and sisters are like especially at that age)
Then a year down the line when i turned 14 my sister moved out with her boyfreind another year goes by and my mum quite literally "lost the plot" if you like and kept banging doors, shouting her head off and generally not caring about me at all. I had no one to turn to no one to comfort me no freinds no one to ask for help the only good "thing" i had left was my lovely cat. Basically i sat in one room.. this room being my bedroom day in day out feeling depressed, playing games, researching. I was really low and depressed and basically i have been like this for many years and i felt like i was a failure ever since until i found out that one of my "freinds" who i rarely went out with only a few times as a "mate" but he was such a nice person with such a kind heart and such a good personality people would say he was an idiot at times, lol but he was a good one. Anyway i found out that he caused self-harm and tragically passed away which i couldn't believe at the time he was only a couple years older than me...
I'm now attending some "counselling" which hasn't helped me alot tbh.. but i know i have to change and i believe i am gradually, basically that's why i'm on here because i need to change and i want to make a difference to other peoples lives, i got my mum diagnosed with a mental illness a year ago one of the best things i ever did as she is better now as shes on tablets. It was extremely difficult at first to convince her she kept saying stuff like "they will take me away and put me in a mental hospital and you will never see me again, i heard on the radio someone took these tablets and they had a heart attack" etc...she still believes shes normal to this day but hey.. atleast shes on tablets now and is much better and calmer ( no more banging doors etc, yay!) I still find it very difficult to meet new people irl i use to seriously struggle with eye contact( i still do) but it is becoming a little easier now i think. i will check and check and check myself again and again to make sure i look okay before i go out then of course when i get to the front door i stand there for minutes thinking to myself should i go out and face the music? half the time i end up being late because of it, lol i know it sounds stupid. :club: I have been convinced i have had cancer for the past 4 years now i'm talking about testicular cancer here, idk i just keep recieveing pain and also ever since i fell down the stairs just over a year ago my back has never been the same since. ( I'm actually a very safe person, not clumsy at all i was just extremely depressed at that time) I went to the doctors about it recently after leaving it a year he said the pains are down to anxiety.. i don't see how it is tbh, i mean i agree i get very depressed sometimes but i just can't see how the pains are down to anxiety.
SORRY for the long post.. ever since my dad died i have always wanted to be that person who truly cares for others and help others in desperate need. This is why one day i'd like to work in the security industry and for the police, maybe even volunteer as a coastguard on the rnli crews if i secure a fairly well paid job and i'm sure with a little push and courage i will do it. I'm hoping to work in a charity shop in the next month or so.
But no seriously i have come on here to actually get to know other people and make new freinds, not to constantly just talk about my problems and not listen to others, quite the contrary.
I wasn't sure to post this or not..as i never do stuff like this really, like i said i am very shy in real life hope it makes sense, also sorry for the long life story...