I'm not sure which is worse

[sub5male]

I work a part time job for a local public entity and today in the course of my duties I noticed a simply stunning women who was there. I don't usually like giving ratings but she was breath taking, at minimum a 9 out of 10. I though about how even on my so called best days (which are long gone), I would not have had even a sliver of a chance to get to know her let alone have any interest from her.

After she left, I realized that she had been there a few weeks past but with a male partner. Of course, he was model tier himself and they were all over each other like teenagers-in fact, so much so I assumed that they were teenagers until I got a close look and realized that they were in their 30's or perhaps even early 40's (they both look so good it was hard to tell). Seeing couples who are so into each other like that and knowing that you will never be a part of one yourself is an extremely soul crushing experience. I am uncertain which was worse though-perhaps they are equally as devastating.

 

[user 139760]

Well, I understand the feeling melancholic over seeing a couple in love. I'm not sure I'd go with soul crushing, though. It's a matter of perspective. I haven't given up hope on having a relationship like that someday, though the googoo eyed teen stuff is a bit much in public past 30. It's fine in private.
Speaking of which, without context, it's really hard to have an accurate picture. Maybe in closed doors they try to kill each other and it's just a public facade. Maybe either of them are cheating on each other. Maybe it's real new and a month from now things will be much different.

It doesn't have to LOOK the same to BE the same, is my point.

 

[sub5male]

Well, I understand the feeling melancholic over seeing a couple in love. I'm not sure I'd go with soul crushing, though. It's a matter of perspective. I haven't given up hope on having a relationship like that someday, though the googoo eyed teen stuff is a bit much in public past 30. It's fine in private.
Speaking of which, without context, it's really hard to have an accurate picture. Maybe in closed doors they try to kill each other and it's just a public facade. Maybe either of them are cheating on each other. Maybe it's real new and a month from now things will be much different.

It doesn't have to LOOK the same to BE the same, is my point.

I was very surprised when I realized their age too as I had never seen such a blatent display of public affection by a couple their age. It is soul crushing when you understand what you have missed out on in life. Regardless of their acutal relationship, just having an attractive women even mildy interested let alone head over heels would be a tremendous victory to say the least, though in my case of course it is pretty much impossible.

 

[rayan]

It can be difficult to see others in happy relationships when we desire the same connection for ourselves. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is different, and it's not productive to compare ourselves to others. Just because you may not have had a chance with this particular person doesn't mean you won't find someone who appreciates and values you in the future.

Instead of dwelling on what you perceive as missed opportunities, try to focus on self-improvement and personal growth. Concentrate on activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. By investing in yourself and your own happiness, you increase your chances of meeting someone who shares your interests and appreciates you for who you are.

Remember that attractiveness goes beyond physical appearance, and there are many factors that contribute to a fulfilling relationship. It's essential to develop confidence, pursue personal goals, and maintain a positive outlook. By doing so, you'll become more self-assured and attract people who are compatible with you on multiple levels.

If you're feeling particularly overwhelmed or down, consider reaching out to friends, family, They can provide guidance and help you navigate through these feelings.

 

[sub5male]

Despite what is often claimed, everyone's life revolves around judgement & comparison. Without these there would be no way to decide our goals or distinguish between what we like & don't like. Our actual lotus of control is far more narrow than most will admit and the majority of our success is a product of chance & genetics rather than hard work.

I have done all of what you suggested and much more yet still have had zero success. Attractiveness may go beyond physical appearance but unless a man meets the looks & height requirements, nothing else he may have to offer is going to help him. The same goes for self assurance & confidence as it really does not matter what a man may think of himself but only what the women he is attracted to think of him. A short, facially unattractive man

 

[Punisher]

she was breath taking, at minimum a 9 out of 10.

You act like a 1, so aim for a 0.

If you are looking for a 10, you will be alone forever. Lower your expectations.

 

[sub5male]

You act like a 1, so aim for a 0.

If you are looking for a 10, you will be alone forever. Lower your expectations.

That is an common & erroneous assumption made about ugly men who have no success with women. As long as a women is physically fit & feminine I am usually attracted to her and I would be more than happy with my looksmatch but they are only interested in taller, better looking men.

It's also ironic that 2 of the most common platitudes of those in denial of the dating struggles of below average men are in direct conflict with each other-one says that you need to lower your expectations while the other says to never settle for someone you are not attracted to.

 

[blackdot]

You act like a 1, so aim for a 0.

If you are looking for a 10, you will be alone forever. Lower your expectations.

I'd have to look for a -10 to have a chance. *laughs*

 

[sub5male]

I'd have to look for a -10 to have a chance. *laughs*

According to some people on this board, your lack of success with women has nothing to do with your looks & is instead because you have either not put in the effort, have a horrible personality and/or hate women, lol.

 

[okidoke]

According to some people on this board, your lack of success with women has nothing to do with your looks & is instead because you have either not put in the effort, have a horrible personality and/or hate women, lol.

You've been married before, so it can't be your looks, but you have shown us all your personality. Furthermore, for some reason you feel like you deserve what you seek. Why is that? The world owes you nothing. You've already had a shot with a SO, maybe that's your quota. It's not your looks dude. Men with your looks and "less" ( as you'd ascribe ) have got SO's and are reproducing. They don't have a superpower, they just have better personalities and attitudes.

 

[user 139760]

According to some people on this board, your lack of success with women has nothing to do with your looks & is instead because you have either not put in the effort, have a horrible personality and/or hate women, lol.

Exactly.

 

[sub5male]

You've been married before, so it can't be your looks, but you have shown us all your personality. Furthermore, for some reason you feel like you deserve what you seek. Why is that? The world owes you nothing. You've already had a shot with a SO, maybe that's your quota. It's not your looks dude. Men with your looks and "less" ( as you'd ascribe ) have got SO's and are reproducing. They don't have a superpower, they just have better personalities and attitudes.

That was 25 years ago and things in the dating world have changed dramatically since then. We were also never truly physically attracted to each other & never should have been married-as we both agree now.

The idea that if one or some people can do something that anyone can is a surviorship fallacy. The idea that attitude & personality can override being short & ugly is laughable at best and an example of a just world fallacy. If it is my attitude & personality which are the issues then how do you explain the fact that I have several female friends & am liked & respected by my co-workers? Why would having a poor attitude & personality only show up in romantic endeavors and not in other aspects of life? Also, why would many of the women I asked out friendzone me if they disliked me personally?

The world does not owe anyone anything but knowing that does nothing to help with the rejection & loneliness.

 

[sub5male]

Exactly.

So according to you all of the below average looking men here who are unable to find relationships have "bad" personalities & attitudes or hate women then?

 

[user 139760]

So according to you all of the below average looking men here who are unable to find relationships have "bad" personalities & attitudes or hate women then?

Yup.

 

[sub5male]

Yup.

Your baseless assumptions are patently false. As I asked another poster, if it is my attitude & personality to blame how do you explain that most of the women I asked out friendzoned me?

 

[okidoke]

That was 25 years ago and things in the dating world have changed dramatically since then. We were also never truly physically attracted to each other & never should have been married-as we both agree now.

The idea that if one or some people can do something that anyone can is a surviorship fallacy. The idea that attitude & personality can override being short & ugly is laughable at best and an example of a just world fallacy. If it is my attitude & personality which are the issues then how do you explain the fact that I have several female friends & am liked & respected by my co-workers? Why would having a poor attitude & personality only show up in romantic endeavors and not in other aspects of life? Also, why would many of the women I asked out friendzone me if they disliked me personally?

The world does not owe anyone anything but knowing that does nothing to help with the rejection & loneliness.

But are they friends? Or just being respectfully friendly? Do they socialise with you and you can count on them for things you need help with? That “friendly” behaviour means nothing. Friend zoning is just a polite way to distance themselves from you.

So what do you actually want? To keep whining and wallowing in self pity, or do you want to actually make some real changes in your life to either get married and/or just have a relationship with a woman? You’re only an inch shorter than me and I wouldn’t wouldn’t consider myself having an attractive look, but I wouldn’t continue bleating on about my height and looks like a broken record. Seeing “lesser” men with women would absolutely spur me on to keep on trying no matter how many times I was rejected.

But in any case, if you can’t handle that continual rejection, even if you tried in places that you already said you weren’t prepared to check out, what are you going to do? Some of us couldn’t give two hoots about not attracting a partner, we just get on with life the best we can doing what we want that gives us some enjoyment. The last thing others want to hear is a person saying “woe is me”.

Anyway, you have more friends than some of us here, and a job, but you’re not satisfied with your life even though there are people 100 times worse off than you who would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

 

[TheRealCallie]

We were also never truly physically attracted to each other & never should have been married

MOST marriages end that way. You ain't special....

If it is my attitude & personality which are the issues then how do you explain the fact that I have several female friend

There's usually a reason people get "friendzoned" There's also a major difference between a platonic relationship and a romantic one....as in, the friend can't leave when you become obnoxious since she doesn't have to live with you.....
Do you honestly think your attitude toward women doesn't show when you go out? Do you really think that women can't see that you hate them? You probably sneer every time you see a supermodel sexy girl because you just know you'll never get her.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I work a part time job for a local public entity and today in the course of my duties I noticed a simply stunning women who was there. I don't usually like giving ratings but she was breath taking, at minimum a 9 out of 10. I though about how even on my so called best days (which are long gone), I would not have had even a sliver of a chance to get to know her let alone have any interest from her.

The eyes play tricks on the mind, my guy.
That's not how it actually works.
All humans everywhere, are levelled equal by their own insecurities.
Why do you think that depression and anxiety are such enormous global problems?
That is why.

My girlfriend outclasses me across the board.
She's younger, hotter, makes more money and has a more upscale career than I do, comes from a wealthier family, and if you're going by strictly rigid statistics than I shouldn't have been able to get with her at all.

But that's not how people work.
Because people are organic, not mechanical.
And therefore we have organic flaws.
And the biggest of those organic flaws, is ENTIRELY a Mental Experience Of Physical Reality.

This is why the most attractive and the most successful people you will meet, will suffer the same of mental instability from the less attractive and least successful people you will meet.

 

[Running Alone]

On the "then try lowering your expectations" mentality, been there for a long, long time actually...but that's not always the way things work (for either sex).

I will never forget a little experiment I created for myself once a few years back when friends badgered me into trying a dating app. Like I said, I had already been practicing the "seek out below average looking women (in my eyes) because I'm well below average myself" but I guess I needed to prove something to myself about where I sit on the scale in the eyes of women and not as I see things (we fool ourselves sometimes).

So on the site, I intentionally found what I thought was the least attractive lady there (but also had similar interests to keep it a possible match) and gave it a legit shot. Now lets say for reference I believe Jennifer Anniston is a 10 as attractive women my age go and I dunno, Ellen DeGeneres is a solid 1. Right. So this woman was a 2 IMO, very unattractive physically. I don't care. I've been alone most of my life, I'm not concerned with a trophy, I seek a good, kind hearted woman that has things in common with me, nothing more. She was funny, fit, loved animals, scary movies, same political views, etc. A match IMO. So I contacted her, she replied, we hit it off well! Several days of nice dialog, joking, etc. We agreed to meet up. Welp, shocker...but that was it. She told me (very politely I should add, she was a nice woman) that she was sorry, "I was a great guy but she was also talking with another man and she wanted to concentrate on what might be there with him". Believable but knowing MY track record...unlikely.

A short time later one of those friends that urged me into trying that nonsense asked me how it was going - I shared the above experience with her, showed her the woman's pic and she said she knew her!!! Yep. They worked at the same hospital. She knew she was NOT seeing another guy, had been single forever like me, etc...she simply passed without trying to hurt me. Soul crushing.

 

[okidoke]

On the "then try lowering your expectations" mentality, been there for a long, long time actually...but that's not always the way things work (for either sex).

I will never forget a little experiment I created for myself once a few years back when friends badgered me into trying a dating app. Like I said, I had already been practicing the "seek out below average looking women (in my eyes) because I'm well below average myself" but I guess I needed to prove something to myself about where I sit on the scale in the eyes of women and not as I see things (we fool ourselves sometimes).

So on the site, I intentionally found what I thought was the least attractive lady there (but also had similar interests to keep it a possible match) and gave it a legit shot. Now lets say for reference I believe Jennifer Anniston is a 10 as attractive women my age go and I dunno, Ellen DeGeneres is a solid 1. Right. So this woman was a 2 IMO, very unattractive physically. I don't care. I've been alone most of my life, I'm not concerned with a trophy, I seek a good, kind hearted woman that has things in common with me, nothing more. She was funny, fit, loved animals, scary movies, same political views, etc. A match IMO. So I contacted her, she replied, we hit it off well! Several days of nice dialog, joking, etc. We agreed to meet up. Welp, shocker...but that was it. She told me (very politely I should add, she was a nice woman) that she was sorry, "I was a great guy but she was also talking with another man and she wanted to concentrate on what might be there with him". Believable but knowing MY track record...unlikely.

A short time later one of those friends that urged me into trying that nonsense asked me how it was going - I shared the above experience with her, showed her the woman's pic and she said she knew her!!! Yep. They worked at the same hospital. She knew she was NOT seeing another guy, had been single forever like me, etc...she simply passed without trying to hurt me. Soul crushing.

hmm, maybe if you go "too low'' the other person thinks "what's wrong with this person that they want to be with me?" lol.