In need of some advice...lots of questions here

[thatguy000]

Sorry for the long, FML post. But this has been nagging me for AGES and I finally found this place. I just really need to let it all out.

So I'm 17 now, going into grade 12, and its summer. Most kids my age would be going out with friends, partying, and just enjoying the freedom summer vacation gives. Not me though. Everyday I'm just finding myself at home, reading, or on Facebook HOPING someone will message me and start a conversation.

I just feel like right now in my life I just have a bunch of acquaintances and really no one I can call a close friend. And all the acquaintances I really don't feel like I want to totally be friends with (I really don't feel like we could connect on that level).

My biggest problem is meeting new people, or even getting closer with people I know only a little bit. I don't know how to just start talking with someone and get them to like me. Sometimes at school or around town I notice people I want to get to know better, but I keep thinking to myself that I'm just intruding on their lives and that they really won't want to talk to me.

Right now I have a fairly new job and so I want to start making some good friends from there. So how do I take the first step and get over my fears? Also, how do I move from the "acquaintances" phase of a relationship to a "friendship" one? I really just want to have people that I can call up, text, or hang out with and actaully feel like I am somewhat important in their lives.

 

[Sean]

Hmm, I know the feeling - sitting at the computer waiting for people to MSN/Facebook you back . . . or even waiting for someone to start a conversation with you.

(Kind of why I like the Chatroom so much )

If you REALLY want to meet people, waiting around on facebook for someone to start a conversation isnt' the best way!

Having a job is a GREAT way to get to know people. My last job . . . practically everyone liked me haha and I was friends with everyone.

You also talk about how you feel that you're intruding or bothering people?
Don't worry about that. If someone thinks you're annoying or something like that , they'll let you know. And I really don't think being friendly or nice is annoying to normal people

 

[Pair-O-Dox]

Hmm, I know the feeling - sitting at the computer waiting for people to MSN/Facebook you back . . . or even waiting for someone to start a conversation with you.

(Kind of why I like the Chatroom so much )

If you REALLY want to meet people, waiting around on facebook for someone to start a conversation isnt' the best way!

Having a job is a GREAT way to get to know people. My last job . . . practically everyone liked me haha and I was friends with everyone.

You also talk about how you feel that you're intruding or bothering people?
Don't worry about that. If someone thinks you're annoying or something like that , they'll let you know. And I really don't think being friendly or nice is annoying to normal people

Sean, you hit the hammer on the nail with this one. I also used to wait around on Facbook and my Yahoo Messenger just hoping for someone to talk with, but I would just end up feeling even lonelier than I was before. It even caused me to delete my account one day because I was so hurt. I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one to go through this horrible feeling day in and day out. Sean was also right about just being yourself with your coworkers and your personality will do the rest! You seem like a very polite guy.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi!
That Guy, I think you have the right idea about making friends at work. A lot of people make friends at work because they spend a lot of time together with the same people through work. Plus, you already have one major thing in common, you work at the same place. I've made a few fantastic friends through work over the years. We have similar personalities and outlooks on life and just happened to meet at work. Just take it slow and keep an eye out for people that you might share something in common with and don't be afraid to make small talk, like "how was your weekend/vacation/trip to the beach".
Good luck!
Teresa

 

[Sweetlucyblvd]

Sorry for the long, FML post. But this has been nagging me for AGES and I finally found this place. I just really need to let it all out.

So I'm 17 now, going into grade 12, and its summer. Most kids my age would be going out with friends, partying, and just enjoying the freedom summer vacation gives. Not me though. Everyday I'm just finding myself at home, reading, or on Facebook HOPING someone will message me and start a conversation.

I just feel like right now in my life I just have a bunch of acquaintances and really no one I can call a close friend. And all the acquaintances I really don't feel like I want to totally be friends with (I really don't feel like we could connect on that level).

My biggest problem is meeting new people, or even getting closer with people I know only a little bit. I don't know how to just start talking with someone and get them to like me. Sometimes at school or around town I notice people I want to get to know better, but I keep thinking to myself that I'm just intruding on their lives and that they really won't want to talk to me.

17. Check. Going into 12th grade. Check. No one to talk to on fb. Check. Feeling like an intruder when trying to meet new people. CHECK.

WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. Well not exactly the same, but our issues are very similar. I hope you are just as relieved as I am to discover that these issues aren't confined only to you I'll pm you sometime.

 

[Brian]

After starting -my- new job, I've noticed that it takes extended periods of exposure and doing something noteworthy to gain a spot on the team, so to speak.

At the base of it all, a job can certainly be looked at as a social collective of people with the same purpose in mind. I've seen this same pattern of acceptance at the 3 jobs and 1 volunteer organization where I've spent any amount of time working. 'Acquaintance' is easy enough to get to. They'll half-laugh at your jokes, they won't mind if you follow them around. But you have to make a breakthrough to the point where you're -included- in the jokes, and where you're walking -with- them. Sort of a herd thing, I guess.


What's always done it for me is demonstrating good character, not being the pushy new guy, and ultimately bulls-eying a couple of really good punchlines.

Example:
At my new ambulance job I was working out in the truck bay cleaning the floor like I figured was proper to do for a new guy. The Shift Capt. comes out and tells me to come in and watch some TV in the air conditioning, so I do. A commercial comes on with a good looking woman on it. I noticed that these folks were always making sexual remarks/jokes, so I come out with my off-the-wall One Hit Whammy:

Guy A : "She is SMOKIN!"
Guy B : "Hell yeah, I'd do her"
Cool Girl Coworker :rolleyes2: : "You guys need to get out of this building more often..."
Brian: "Wow, I'd pee in HER butt!"

It's crude, yes. The Whammy must be custom-tailored to the intended audience, and it can't come out too soon. People enjoy food the best if they smell it before it gets there. But after demonstrating humility and a work ethic, to them it was the final brick in the foundation of building my reputation and relationship with them. From there, building upward is easy.


I guess this only really applies to the adult workplace. I dunno, hopefully you can pull something from it. In highschool my group of friends was a mashed-together group of people who didn't fit in anywhere else for a very wide variety of reasons. We definitely had fun summers, albeit in very untraditional ways, but we didn't really have to fit in with any group to get where we were...we just sort of gravitated to eachother and fell together, like same-size rocks through a screen. Even then we were pretty dysfunctional and at many points we didn't exactly like one another.

 

[lomojojo]

You'll never know if people wants to actually talk to you if you don't try. If they do, great! there's a chance to start a friendship if you find things in common. If they don't well! their loss. It sounds like you are a very nice person.

 

[Teenage Dream]

I'm your age and in high school too. Maybe we'll get along. But I know exactly how you feel. I worked for July and I was pretty busy, so I didn't feel my lack of social-ness (I wasn't very social at work either, unfortunately.) But I took August off and it was pretty lonely. I'd just sit at home and read, like you... and everyone else my age would be out partying or shopping or whatnot. I've actually gotten to the point where I'm afraid to go on MSN and all the social networking places, and just appear offline or invisible, or hide instead. I guess it feels safer and less disappointing this way?

Anyways, a new year is always a brand new start; it's a time for change, and it's the easiest time to change. There's bound to be new people in your class who don't know everyone else in the class, so you can try to talk and be friends. But I'm a hypocrite, really. I said stuff and I never do it..

 

[Butterboops]

Sorry for the long, FML post. But this has been nagging me for AGES and I finally found this place. I just really need to let it all out.

So I'm 17 now, going into grade 12, and its summer. Most kids my age would be going out with friends, partying, and just enjoying the freedom summer vacation gives. Not me though. Everyday I'm just finding myself at home, reading, or on Facebook HOPING someone will message me and start a conversation.

I just feel like right now in my life I just have a bunch of acquaintances and really no one I can call a close friend. And all the acquaintances I really don't feel like I want to totally be friends with (I really don't feel like we could connect on that level).

My biggest problem is meeting new people, or even getting closer with people I know only a little bit. I don't know how to just start talking with someone and get them to like me. Sometimes at school or around town I notice people I want to get to know better, but I keep thinking to myself that I'm just intruding on their lives and that they really won't want to talk to me.

Right now I have a fairly new job and so I want to start making some good friends from there. So how do I take the first step and get over my fears? Also, how do I move from the "acquaintances" phase of a relationship to a "friendship" one? I really just want to have people that I can call up, text, or hang out with and actaully feel like I am somewhat important in their lives.

The best thing you can do is...be yourself...don't worry about trying to impress others...show people who you are (who you really are) not the facade we all put up so others will like us because if you pretend to be someone else then others don't really know YOU...and it's really hard to keep up the charade...be you...with all your faults, all your vulnerabilities...be you...the true you...the one who is real...then when you meet someone if they like you, you can be comfortable around them and that's the key to making lasting relationships...by being you...otherwise no one really knows YOU and you end up wondering why others don't want to hang out with you...people do see through a disguise...so be you...there's nothing wrong with that

 

[Sterling]

First off....I think I need to check the forums more often...people my age are coming about .

Second off..I think a lot of people just waits staring at their screen...just waiting for a little IM thing to pop up. Does this happen often? No. Why? Usually, the person you want to IM you is waiting for someone to IM them. It's retarded isn't it? Anyways, I deleted my facebook based on the fact that I find it depressing and I talk to absolutely nobody on there so eh.
If you're really intruding in on someone's life, they'll probably just be mean to you until you leave them alone, or ignore you. Whichever works best I guess....so if they respond and seem all cheerful or at least not hating it, then it seems to be a good deal.
I'm at home most of the time as well. Couldn't wait for sister to move out so I could have peace and quiet, and now everyone leaves most of the time to go see her and come back around midnight when I'm heading off to bed. Nice isn't it? *sarcasm* It can get extremely lonely now-a-days. Yep ^-^ I'm lame, most of my social interaction comes from xat or skype. Lovely -.- They say college is better than high school, more things to do, etc....so let's look forward to next year eh?

BASICALLY....I think they way to go from acquaintances to friends is to talk more. After talking more, ask them if they wanna go hang out or do something, or you can wait for them to ask you. I don't think it matters.