Intimidating females

[Ak5]

This thread just got interesting!

 

[ShybutHi]

Do I sense sarcasm.

 

[Ak5]

Your insight serves you well.

 

[ShybutHi]

The stephen colbert gif gave it away.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You female's are so intimidating!

Not to mention they have a hell of alot of power in a relationship and such

That depends on the people in the relationship. It's not the case for every single one.

 

[MissGuided]

Sometimes, if I see a guy that I want to approach, I use 'birthday gift' convo starter. For example, I might walk up and ask him about his shoes - tell him that I have been looking for a pair just like it to give my brother for his birthday. Usually, we just start chatting after that.

Maybe you could try something similar by asking a girl about her necklace, bag, etc.? Might take the pressure off a bit.

And, don't forget to breathe - she's just a girl.

 

[ShybutHi]

That is good that you have the confidence to actually go up to someone in the first place. That is very hard for me to do...

I have thought about things that could help with starting conversations. Although it just seems unnatural to me having to have a "line" to start conversation with. I always thought it should flow naturally but unfortunatly it seems very rare especially in today's society. Most people seem to be wary of others and can not just chat to someone freely as if it is normal for people to mix and socialize with whoever they want even if they do not know them.

 

[Drew88]

Sometimes, if I see a guy that I want to approach, I use 'birthday gift' convo starter. For example, I might walk up and ask him about his shoes - tell him that I have been looking for a pair just like it to give my brother for his birthday. Usually, we just start chatting after that.

Maybe you could try something similar by asking a girl about her necklace, bag, etc.? Might take the pressure off a bit.

And, don't forget to breathe - she's just a girl.

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Besides I do talk to them, I just do not know the appropriate way or time to ask if they are available without being like "every other guy"

 

[Callie]

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Besides I do talk to them, I just do not know the appropriate way or time to ask if they are available without being like "every other guy"

Perhaps because women are people too?

 

[MissGuided]

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Time wasting? I have always believed that friendship is the core of a successful romantic relationship. I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but approaching the idea of a relationship as if you were ordering a pizza is probably not going to bode well.

 

[Drew88]

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Besides I do talk to them, I just do not know the appropriate way or time to ask if they are available without being like "every other guy"

Perhaps because women are people too?

I can not do that without thinking or trying to get to the point of a relationship, I just can't.

Now like I said i have talk to woman and hold conversations with them, but I do not go out of my way to do things with them because there is no chance of a relationship developing.

Besides its hard to exactly be around a single girl if I was hanging out or doing things with her. been there.

---

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Time wasting? I have always believed that friendship is the core of a successful romantic relationship. I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but approaching the idea of a relationship as if you were ordering a pizza is probably not going to bode well.

isn't wasted if it blooms. If you are offended by my comment I apologize, I am just stating that that keeps me from having Single girls my own age as friends.

Btw, I do agree with what you said about friendship at the core

 

[ShybutHi]

That is exactly what I thought when I read his post too Callie.

Drew you should certainly not only talk to potentially available woman with the idea of creating a close relationship with them. Women are people too and you may even find that you find a very good female friend.

I personally just have real trouble talking to females especially because I am terrible at small talk, very shy with females and I am not good at forming close friendships.

 

[Drew88]

That is exactly what I thought when I read his post too Callie.

Drew you should certainly not only talk to potentially available woman with the idea of creating a close relationship with them. Women are people too and you may even find that you find a very good female friend.

I personally just have real trouble talking to females especially because I am terrible at small talk, very shy with females and I am not good at forming close friendships.

I can't unless I am distract. If I'm single and their single, its like "hey this could work" and then it turns into "no it doesn't, bye"

 

[VanillaCreme]

Thats my problem, I just can not Just casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Time wasting? I have always believed that friendship is the core of a successful romantic relationship. I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but approaching the idea of a relationship as if you were ordering a pizza is probably not going to bode well.

Would that mean if we take longer than 30 minutes to fall in love, we're free of charge? :club:


Well said.

 

[MissGuided]

isn't wasted if it blooms. If you are offended by my comment I apologize, I am just stating that that keeps me from having Single girls my own age as friends.

Btw, I do agree with what you said about friendship at the core

Not offended at all, hun - we're all just trying to help - not all the suggestions will work for you.

Drew you should certainly not only talk to potentially available woman with the idea of creating a close relationship with them. Women are people too and you may even find that you find a very good female friend.

Shy is absolutely on point here, Drew. I think the very first thing you have got to do is stop looking for the 'bloom'....and just enjoy the 'greenery'....you cannot 'make' a relationship with someone, it just...happens. I know it may seem a bit cliche, but just relax...talk to us...if there is a spark, great. If not, it just means that she's not 'the one'. There are LOTS of us out here, so take your time.

Would that mean if we take longer than 30 minutes to fall in love, we're free of charge? :club:


Well said.

lol, Vanilla...I surely hope not. If that were the case, I would owe a lot of freebies...

 

[Lost Soul]

I feel the same.

Girls I fanzy are the worst of my problems. Sometimes, I literally take a heart attack when I see one, the more attractive, the worse it is. I know that that the chances are sky high that she'll judge me and think I'm a creep or something, just by one look, and that I don't stand any chance at all. I literally never had, unless it was someone that my sister knows from work, or is friends with. They don't seem to mind me, becuase they know what to expect of me, since she talks about me to them. It most likely is becuase I have no attractions, which sucks.

Can't talk tot hem, never no what to see. Sometimes see one, like in the elevator a month ago,made me very uncomfortable. Hardly looked at me, which is good. Rather have her not look at me, and be unoticed to her, then have her judge me.

It is what it is. When I was born, this isd the outcome of my life. The cards were drawn. I just gotta live with it. I get through life as best as I can, becuase I'm just along for the ride.

 

[ShybutHi]

I actually started looking at attractive (to me) girls and sometimes even holding a bit of a gaze... not in a wierd way just a more confident way. I used to NEVER look at a woman because I was so intimidated. Literally if I saw an attractive girl, especially if she looked at me anyway, I would turn away and pretty much ignore them. What an idiot I am.

 

[Montreal Skye]

I actually started looking at attractive (to me) girls and sometimes even holding a bit of a gaze... not in a wierd way just a more confident way. I used to NEVER look at a woman because I was so intimidated. Literally if I saw an attractive girl, especially if she looked at me anyway, I would turn away and pretty much ignore them. What an idiot I am.

NOT an idiot ShybutHi! The gaze is good! I like the gaze. I was at the gym once and a guy gave me the gaze, I couldn't look away and I'm sure I turned a gazillion shades of red, but it made me feel really good. That's not only a confidence boost for you but for the girl too.

Sorry Drew but you seem too harsh when it comes to meeting women. It seems like it's all or nothing for you and if she doesn't show interest right away, you drop her like she's not worth a dime. You also have to consider that you may not be the only shy one. I think you need to relax your attitude a little and realize that you have to take time to get to know a person before something meaningful may happen. And if it doesn't, it wasn't a waste of time at all. It gives you that much more experience talking and interacting with women...not trying to offend you, that's just how I see it as I read your comments.

 

[Drew88]

Sorry Drew but you seem too harsh when it comes to meeting women. It seems like it's all or nothing for you and if she doesn't show interest right away, you drop her like she's not worth a dime. You also have to consider that you may not be the only shy one. I think you need to relax your attitude a little and realize that you have to take time to get to know a person before something meaningful may happen. And if it doesn't, it wasn't a waste of time at all. It gives you that much more experience talking and interacting with women...not trying to offend you, that's just how I see it as I read your comments.

not offended at all, I know I am to harsh. It difficult for me to read into. Plus it does help when I try to talk and i stumble on my words.

 

[Glowgirl]

I believe it was Callie that said you should try to talk to random women, and you should. In a store, at a restaurant or bar, just go up to some girl, and start talking to her, about absolutely nothing. fresia, go up to her and try to talk to her with nothing but song quotes or something. Do something completely random that makes no sense because the only point of the exercise is just to talk to a girl, period. Don't worry about trying to get her to like you, or trying to achieve anything other than the fact that you made the words come out of your face in the presence of a female being.

In fact, you may be surprised if a girl responds positively. And they may as it becomes more natural for you to do this.

Yeah I think this is a good thing to do, it can only really help in the end. It would scare the **** out of me to do it though and always has.

Two thing's really I am scared of being judged by my peers for doing this or getting comments by them and by the woman who I would be talking to. Yes I fear rejection, even if it is just being rejected by someone because they do not want to talk to me. That would only confirm my pessimistic viewpoint that women in general are not interested in me relationship wise or even just as a friend as I have never had a friend who is female.
There is only ONE female in my life who seemed to want to actually be friend's with me personally and I rejected any contact with her or tried to make conversation (even though she even invited me to see her at work just to chat and such, even seemed to turn up at places where I was on her own without her bf which she would not normally do) because I would not know what to say and the problem is I find her incredibly attractive but she has a bf who happens to be an old friend of mine. I even once got a comment from him which seemed almost like a "back off from her" type of comment even though I never ever initiated anything personally with her at all.

I actually could not stand being with her... She made me so nervous because of how attractive she is to me. (not just looks but her interests and personality) If she was there I would literally go mute, that is how bad it is.

Yes, I can relate! It's pretty rare that I find somebody really attractive on all levels so that makes it all the more important to make a good impression. Me, I'm female, I had a guy like that who I thought found me attractive (could be wrong!) he would ignore me completely and turn his back when other people were around, only every now and then he would decide to talk to me and I had about 1 minute to impress him with my sparkling personality LOL! Naturally I didn't, it got to the point where I would just freeze, he ended up hating me.

I guess maybe the more you talk to people in relaxed everyday type situations, the more it takes the tension out. I used to wonder, if he'd have been a bit more relaxed, whether it would have been easier for the both of us and things would have gone differently. Don't forget women are people too, just try to talk to them the way you would your guy friends.