Introvert dating?

[February203]

How are average or below looking introverts supposed to get dates? Dating apps seem to only be effective if your tall and handsome or slender and beautiful. I've also noticed that most people with an abundance of dating options usually treat potential suitors like they're disposable. So going for people who are traditionally attractive or more attractive than yourself, statistically might be a waste of time. Where would someone even start?​

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I guess it kind of depends what you want out of it, what your experience is already, and where your values are therein. The dating pool is MOSTLY driven by extroverts, just as is the entertainment industry. However, that doesn't mean that you cannot be successful in it. There's definitely some wiggle room, it's just a matter of figuring it all out for yourself.

If you're okay with dating an extrovert, that's easier, they're a dime a dozen in the pool. If you're looking at trying to date someone more introverted like yourself, that's a little trickier, because we introverted peoples are often in the dating pool by happenstance rather than by intention. And well, you know the slogan:

"INTROVERTS UNITE

SEPARATELY,
FROM YOUR OWN HOMES."

I mean I can't argue with it, it is pretty true of us.
I would suggest, taking the entirety of dating and prospects for it as a grain of salt.
Don't take it too seriously. Don't make it the center of your life even though we have the drive to do so.
We have the drive to make it the center of our life because we were taught that as kids and the fact of the matter is that we were just taught wrong. There are definitely more important factors in life.

Where do socially reclusive people hang out if not online?
For me personally, libraries, bookstores, and hole-in-the-wall style local businesses.
Sometimes at parks, museums, or art galleries. Occasionally around local concert venues.
Sometimes coffee lounges or diners.

The easiest way to drum up some ideas for something like that is to just try to think of places that you yourself go to when you're trying to get away from people.
Usually, when we introverts go out, it's because we're trying to get away from something at home or at work or in our social lives.
Yes, there will be some innate anxiety in the beginning but some standard ice breakers and casual conversation can easily loosen that up a bit.
I'm not totally socially withdrawn, I'm just MOSTLY socially withdrawn, if that makes any sense.

I've stretched my comfort zone with socializing as far as I could within practicalities sake.
I mean I'm not gonna drive out of town just to meet people, that's fruitless to me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

might be a waste of time.

and it might not be. Either way, you have to weed through the ones that are not for you to find the one that is, right? You never know who is and is not going to enjoy you.


Honestly, I tend to go more for the shy introverts, the nerds, looks aren't that important to me at all. Do you know how many times I've heard "I never thought someone like you would talk to me"? It's honestly annoying. Try to drum up a little bit of confidence that you DO have something to offer, that you are WORTH getting to know. Shy and introvert or not, you are a human being and I'm sure you have good qualities.


Now, excuse my little rant that follows, it's not all about you and honestly, probably has little to do with you (I don't know you well enough to know for sure). I'm so sick of guys thinking they are crap because they aren't the tallest, best looking, have the best job or car. Not every woman (attractive and unattractive) gives a crap about that stuff. And if they are so shallow that they wouldn't even give you the time of day, why the hell would you want them anyway? You guys are seem to love going off about how the "attractive" women only want to the tall, dark and handsome men, yet did it ever occur to you that you are doing the exact some thing. "The ATTRACTIVE WOMEN" implies you also don't want the "average" person.
(Oh, and also, "attractive" on this forum apparently means the best looking as rated by "society," not personal attraction)

Just talk to people. Women are no different than talking to the mailman. We just want a good conversation with someone that could potentially excite us.

 

[okidoke]

...... there will be some innate anxiety in the beginning but some standard ice breakers and casual conversation can easily loosen that up a bit.......

The problem is, today it's very tricky to start conversing because people (women mostly) are on guard against becoming a victim in one way or another. I regularly find when I'm walking in public that most women won't even make eye contact and are often pre-occupied with their earphones so they don't even have to hear you say anything. An ice-breaker really is necessary, like them having a dog you can comment on, or they're having difficulty in some way or another, or some happenstance that just starts a conversation. Seeing someone on their own that you'd like to go talk to is basically a complete waste of time, unless you've got celebrity looks or status.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

The problem is, today it's very tricky to start conversing because people (women mostly) are on guard against becoming a victim in one way or another. I regularly find when I'm walking in public that most women won't even make eye contact and are often pre-occupied with their earphones so they don't even have to hear you say anything. An ice-breaker really is necessary, like them having a dog you can comment on, or they're having difficulty in some way or another, or some happenstance that just starts a conversation. Seeing someone on their own that you'd like to go talk to is basically a complete waste of time, unless you've got celebrity looks or status.

I just approach it platonically and expect nothing.
Takes the work out of it. Plus if nothing comes of it, taking the L isn't as bad since it didn't require much effort to be put in in the first place.

 

[okidoke]

I just approach it platonically and expect nothing.

yeah, but even a platonic approach makes no difference to their initial reluctance most of the time. I find the old ladies are pretty much the only ones welcoming to a conversation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

yeah, but even a platonic approach makes no difference to their initial reluctance most of the time. I find the old ladies are pretty much the only ones welcoming to a conversation.

Women should be cautious, IMO. According to RAINN 1 in 6 women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape. 90% of adult rapes are against women. Every 68 secods an American is sexually assaulted. So yeah, there is a good reason for us to be reluctant. Those are American stats, of course, but I imagine it's not much different elsewhere and probably worse in some places.
And then you have to throw in sex trafficking and all that too.

 

[ringwood]

Women should be cautious, IMO. According to RAINN 1 in 6 women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape. 90% of adult rapes are against women. Every 68 secods an American is sexually assaulted. So yeah, there is a good reason for us to be reluctant. Those are American stats, of course, but I imagine it's not much different elsewhere and probably worse in some places.
And the you have to throw in sex trafficking and all that too.

I think there’s a difference between being cautious and being overly cautious. Okiedoke says when he’s out walking in public, most women don’t even make eye contact. There’s nothing wrong with plain old friendliness to a point - I mean, eye contact and a quick smile/nod in greeting as you pass by someone on the street seems pretty standard to me. At least, where I live it is. But I live in a fairly small-town area, not a big city. Anyway, I think being self-aware is extremely important - being aware of your surroundings/the people in it goes a long way towards being safe.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think there’s a difference between being cautious and being overly cautious. Okiedoke says when he’s out walking in public, most women don’t even make eye contact. There’s nothing wrong with plain old friendliness to a point - I mean, eye contact and a quick smile/nod in greeting as you pass by someone on the street seems pretty standard to me. At least, where I live it is. But I live in a fairly small-town area, not a big city. Anyway, I think being self-aware is extremely important - being aware of your surroundings/the people in it goes a long way towards being safe.

Well, sure, it's like that where I live too. But, when you get into bigger areas, things are massively different. There are times when I refuse to make eye contact and just want to be left alone. I put on my RBF, I don't make eye contact and I go about my business. Maybe these women have boyfriends/husbands and (like Ceno says) thinks guys only want to have sex with them. There are so many reasons why they might not make eye contact. Sure some of them feel they are above someone for whatever reason, but there are innocent reasons as well.

 

[okidoke]

Women should be cautious, IMO.

It's just sad that it's got like that. It's just makes genuine interactions so difficult.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's just sad that it's got like that. It's just makes genuine interactions so difficult.

It is sad and it does make it more difficult, but by no means impossible. If people ignore you or pay no attetion to you, again, they are't worth it. You deserve better than that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Women should be cautious, IMO. According to RAINN 1 in 6 women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape. 90% of adult rapes are against women. Every 68 secods an American is sexually assaulted. So yeah, there is a good reason for us to be reluctant. Those are American stats, of course, but I imagine it's not much different elsewhere and probably worse in some places.
And the you have to throw in sex trafficking and all that too.

Omg said hi to a guy on a night out with my friend in central london… he deffo tried to traffic us… taking us to some imaginary nightclub … we had to run for our lives its sooo rampant in Europe anyway, mental. Thats where things are difficult how cautious is too cautious ? I literally go on video call to someone when I have a workman in my house and I wear a long dress to my ankles and I try my best to look as ugly as possible and im still shaking… like he asked me to lead the way and so I had to walk upstairs in front of him and im surprised I didnt faint

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think a introvert dating app would be ideal! One specific for homebodies and people who love their creature comforts.

 

[ringwood]

I think a introvert dating app would be ideal! One specific for homebodies and people who love their creature comforts.

I agree. You wouldn't even have to leave the comfort of your own home. Virtual dating, you could "share" a cup of coffee from your respective livingroom couches.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I agree. You wouldn't even have to leave the comfort of your own home. Virtual dating, you could "share" a cup of coffee from your respective livingroom couches.

Lool I think that would be a cool mental health idea, like a virtual Saturday morning coffee drop in

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think a introvert dating app would be ideal! One specific for homebodies and people who love their creature comforts.

There is an app called Boo which claims to be for introverts. There is probably a dating site for everything.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Thats where things are difficult how cautious is too cautious ?

That's definitely the issue. You don't know when you have to be more cautious, so being on guard all the time is generally what happens in today's world. Sometimes things happen when you SHOULD be safe.

 

[MrLonely86]

Introverts don't need date.

 

[a person]

you need to be rich

 

[user 190541]

Introverts don't need date.

I'm an introvert and I do. I can get dates surprisingly easily actually, but whether those dates are going to result in something more permanent, that's another story.