Is it just me?

[I need real friends]

Is it just me, or does everyone feel that 99.9% of people only want to know you for what you can do for them?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah its you...to me its more like 98.9%

 

[Kenny]

LMAO

99.4% here

 

[Sci-Fi]

LOL

Good question, these days it does seem that it's the only thing people are out for. To me it's better than people who think how can they screw with you and not in a good way either. People aren't that bad, I'd have to say 97.6%

 

[SophiaGrace]

I guess even with friendships we want to know what they can do for us. Like, are they going to be a good friend and be there for us? Or treat us badly?

It's inescapeable!!

 

[Kenny]

97.6%

Pfft! Optimist!

 

[A Desolate Soul]

i use to have a similar problem. like whenever someone would do something for me or for someone else, i'll question their motives and somehow manage to make it out that they're only doing it for some self-indulging purpose. however, my attitudes have changed since then.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't even think like that. I could care less about people's motives. Especially when it comes to me, it's not like they can really get something out of me when I don't allow them to. It's up to you what someone gets from you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

In a sense we all kind of use each other for our own purposes, friendship, love, whatever, we all want that from someone. We want those people to help us through the bad times, celebrate the good times, and support us emotionally.

 

[cZard]

Does it count as using people if I try and make them happy so I feel better...?

And what about if you do something because there's mutual gain? Like trying to make a friend in a new environment? Sure, they're only talking to you because they want a friend but most people want friends... and would they do something to benefit themselves if it meant hurting someone else? For a lot of people I think the answer would mostly be no.

 

[Dessa]

Well wouldn't it mean they're indebted to you? I think it's more of a I'll-scratch-your-back-if-you-scratch-mine kind of deal. I know when someone asks me for something I do it not necessarily out of the goodness of my heart. Just try to stay away from the users and abusers.

 

[Kenny]

There are two types of relationship: symbiotic and parasitic.

A symbiotic relationship is one based on "giving", whereas, a parasitic relationship is one based on "taking".

To know the true nature of one's relationship with another, it is necessary to have a fundamental understanding of the differences between the two and then to examine the evidence at hand in one's own situation.

Is your relationship with another symbiotic or parasitic? Well, let's take a look at a couple of basic examples. Shall we?



Symbiotic Relationship

A symbiotic relationship is based on "giving" (and love can be defined as selfless giving which may inspire others to give to us). So, each partner willingly gives a part of its self to the other, an offering of love. In a symbiotic relationship, each partner's gestures of giving benefit and inspire the other thereby creating a self-perpetuating and self-sustaining cycle of giving, appreciation, and satisfaction. This is a perfect relationship.

EXAMPLE:

* Partner A (symtiote) is in a relationship with Partner B (symbiote).

* Partner A (symbiote) has needs including: Love.

* Partner B (symbiote) has needs including: Love.

* Partner A (symbiote) seeks to fulfill its need of being loved through gestures to make Partner B (symbiote) feel loved which in turn inspire a desire to reciprocate these loving gestures.

* Partner B (symbiote) seeks to fulfill its need of being loved through gestures to make Partner A (symtiote) feel loved which in turn inspire a desire to reciprocate these loving gestures.

* The end result is a self-perpetuating and self-sustaining cycle of giving, which leads to receiving, which leads to giving, which leads to receiving, ad infinitum. This is a sustainable relationship, one based on "giving".



Parasitic Relationship

A parasitic relationship is based on "taking" (and satisfaction can be defined as the act of seeking and taking those things which one needs). So, one partner actively takes from the other, a harvesting of satisfaction. In a parasitic relationship, one partner (the parasite) fulfills its needs by taking (or feeding) off of the other (the host) with no intent to or focus upon reciprocating. This is not a self-sustaining or self-perpetuating cycle, it ends with the the host dying from depletion and the parasite moving on or the host breaking free and the parasite having to seek another new host to feed upon. Furthermore, the parasite only understands "taking", so any fulfillment of the other partner's needs is merely coincidental, temporary or even unfavorable. This is a flawed relationship.

EXAMPLE:

* Partner A (parasite) is in a relationship with Partner B (host).

* Partner A (parasite) has needs including: Satisfaction.

* Partner B (host) has needs including: Love.

* Partner A (parasite) seeks to fulfill its own needs which are exclusively focused upon attaining satisfaction. This partner takes.

* Partner B (host) is neglected and its needs are not met.

* The end result is a failed relationship because this situation does not create a sustainable cycle, a relationship based on "taking".


THE MORAL OF THE STORY: If you truly want to attain and maintain a successful relationship, be prepared to give and pay attention to the needs of your significant other. Likewise, if you are in a relationship with a person who does not seek awareness of your needs, does not seek to care about your needs, and does not actively seek to fulfill your needs - then you are dealing with a parasite.

 

[I need real friends]

Very good points Kenny.......

I think the problem I seem to have is this. I am Symbiotic, but I only seem to end up with parasitic people as friends. Maybe I'm a soft touch here?