Isolation/Loneliness is getting to me

[coricopat]

For the most part, I'm at peace with my life. It's not what I would have chosen, but I think I'm doing pretty darn good considering what I've got to work with. I've accepted that living with my parents is probably the best thing for me right now, and that I need to focus on my health first and foremost. I've even accepted that I'm gonna have to learn to be alone/lonely, since my parents live in the middle of freaking nowhere and I can't even drive, much less go out in public by myself most of the time. But since this is all, hopefully, temporary and in my best interest I'm OK with it.

Having said that, lately the loneliness part has really started to get to me. Part of it, I know, is because I can't go outside anymore. It's hard to feel lonely when surrounded by living things, and just hearing and watching the birds in the morning was enough to lift my spirits so I could start my day. Right now, thanks to all this heat and humidity, I can barely get out the door before feeling like I'm doing to pass out. I have to spend an inordinate amount of time in my special air-conditioned room. Even the rest of the house is off-limits for me for parts of the day. And it's really starting to get me down. Depression is creeping up on me slowly but surely.

I know my best bet is internet. With my laptop I should be able to form and maintain friendships, as I can use it even when I can't get out of bed. But despite all my effort, I still have problems using it. I have enough technical skill to use forums and chat rooms OK, but it's never a form of communication that seems natural to me, and I think that keeps me from forming anything other than superficial relationships with people I know online. I also have trouble seeing people I meet online as 'real'. It's hard for me to feel close to someone I've never seen. So despite all my efforts, I still have made no friends.

And my 'real' friends are slowly but surely abandoning me. They're not willing to adopt new methods just to be able to stay in touch with me. And while I don't really blame them, it's definitely not helping the depression or loneliness any. Having people you care about start ignoring you/forget about you just doesn't seem to get easier, and it's happened enough by now that I think if it were possible to get used to, I would have.

So.....can someone throw me a little pity party? I think I need it.

 

[mikkiatalonelylife]

One two three! Awhhhhh...

I hope that was funny

It does really sound like you are doing the best with the situation you have. That is something to be proud of.

Have you ever considered online gaming? It has a definite social aspect to it that is greater than forums, because you are working with other people to solve problems and so you build trust in each other. I haven't played in groups that much on World of Warcraft, but I have noticed that to be the case. Also I've listened to interesting radio programs about this whole culture of online friends that have never met each other. If you found a game that didn't have a subscription fee, it shouldn't be that expensive long term (maybe 40 dollars total).

Anyways, its just a thought.

 

[SullenGirl]

Just offering some empathy your way...I'm in the same situation; no friends, isolated from others. I only have a boyfriend and that's not enough for me. Mikkia is right about the online gaming scene...they really do make friends online with others, but I've never really gotten into that whole gaming thing, but that's how my boyfriend has made his friends, mostly.

 

[h i]

I have played a MMORPG (multi massive online role-playing game) since 2003 and have friends there that I have known for years. The game, and the team work is great when Im feeling depressed. Music usually helps me feel better. music plus game, is like sure thing 100% but the games can become addictive and are a waste of time. My friends that I have made while playing, are MMO friends. theyre only friends, in game. I dont consider them the same as a IRL (in real life) friend. I dont think this is the connection youre looking for, but it is still nice to have when you have nothing. maybe keep it an option for later.

I penpal my friends from network sites with street addresses. It helps me see them as more than just an online person.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think you'd find the article I posted in the Essential Articles section about depression to be interesting.

http://alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=9929

 

[Frodo Baggins]

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=9927

I hope this thread will have a couple of tidbits. Unfortunately all but destroyed by derailers. Still have a look and see if there is anything practical that may apply.

 

[AndrewM]

Not being able to go outside sucks... do try to catch a bit of sunshine every day if you can. And eat well and exercise. Anyway, I'm sure you've heard all of that before.

My suggestion is to set yourself some kind of goal which will be your ticket out of there. If the goal is to get better, then make sure you have a clear idea what that means and work towards it on a daily basis. Also think about what happens afterwards - study or a job can both be ways of liberating yourself. If where you're living now is to some extent the reason for your isolation, then you don't want to be trapped there forever.

BTW, this has nothing to do with living with your parents, who I'm sure are great people. It's all about the fact that you need to find some community which will give you the social opportunities that you don't have at the moment.

Like you I'm pretty isolated, but it's partly self-imposed because I'm working on finishing my thesis. Once it's finished, I know I'll be able to take the next step and look for work or move or whatever. So I have something concrete to aim at. And I think that's important.

 

[coricopat]

One two three! Awhhhhh...

I hope that was funny

It does really sound like you are doing the best with the situation you have. That is something to be proud of.

Have you ever considered online gaming? It has a definite social aspect to it that is greater than forums, because you are working with other people to solve problems and so you build trust in each other. I haven't played in groups that much on World of Warcraft, but I have noticed that to be the case. Also I've listened to interesting radio programs about this whole culture of online friends that have never met each other. If you found a game that didn't have a subscription fee, it shouldn't be that expensive long term (maybe 40 dollars total).

Anyways, its just a thought.

It was funny. Thank you.

I used to live for World of Warcraft, and love online gaming in general. Sadly, out in the middle of nowhere we have to use satellite internet, and it's too slow/inconsistent for gaming. Very sad .

 

[Twitchy]

I also have trouble seeing people I meet online as 'real'. It's hard for me to feel close to someone I've never seen. So despite all my efforts, I still have made no friends.

I sympathize. I sometimes think the greatest thing about the internet is also the worst. The anonymity it provides makes it easy for people who aren't particularly social to go online and strike up a conversation with someone they don't know. Unfortunately it makes it just as easy for them to disappear when they get bored. After it happens a few times, you do start to wonder if anyone in Digital Land has a sincere bone in their body.

The good news is that if you try hard enough you can usually find someone that isn't a complete flake. It can take months or even years, but it isn't impossible.

That may not be exactly what you were talking about, but it relates somewhat to my own experiences in finding "real" online folks.

I hope things look a bit rosier for you soon.

 

[coricopat]

My suggestion is to set yourself some kind of goal which will be your ticket out of there.

That's what I'm trying to do, but it's hard for me. My health is so **** unstable and I've already had to accept so many disappointments, I don't know how much more failure I can take. It's hard to make new goals when I'm still dealing with the grief of having to let all my old dreams go. I went from 'get your PhD and reach black belt' to 'pass the driving test' and that hurts (especially since I STILL don't have a license). That's a big mental block I need to get past.

Right now, I want to get out, be around people, preferably in the outdoors, have some fun, and store up enough happiness so I can come back and start dealing with all this honeysuckle again. But since I don't have any 'real' friends anymore, the chances of that happening are close to nil.

---

I sympathize. I sometimes think the greatest thing about the internet is also the worst. The anonymity it provides makes it easy for people who aren't particularly social to go online and strike up a conversation with someone they don't know. Unfortunately it makes it just as easy for them to disappear when they get bored. After it happens a few times, you do start to wonder if anyone in Digital Land has a sincere bone in their body.

The good news is that if you try hard enough you can usually find someone that isn't a complete flake. It can take months or even years, but it isn't impossible.

Very true. And I have met people online that aren't complete flakes--they're rare but they're there. I just don't know how to make friends with them.
>>>>>>>
Thanks to everyone for the empathy/sympathy. I'm feeling better already..a lot of my depression and apathy had to do with a relapse and after a few days of meds and strict rest I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I still don't have any friends, but now I actually feel like I have some control over my life again, which is nice. Hope it lasts long enough for me to actually get something done.