I've become nothing

[somber_radiance]

I was asked the other day what I wanted out of life. And I had no answer. That's when I realized, I want nothing. I think I've lost myself and become useless to this world. I just feel like I am in a very dark dark place right now. All alone, incredibly selfish, so tired of carrying my burdens. I am disgusted with myself. A part of me doesn't want to be in this world anymore. And the other part is wondering why I haven't taken any action yet.

Usually there's someone close to me I can talk to, but this time, there is no one I feel like seeing or talking to. I don't know what's happened to me and why I keep thinking this way.

 

[9006]

I wouldn't feel bad for any of this, most people don't know what they want out of life and always seem to fall into something eventually, or they find someone and things just work out in a certain way. Nobody has to justify their existence.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

It may be useless to wonder why haven't you taken any action. But rather, taking the action, and not staying in the past.
If you feel useless to the world, if you feel selfish, give something back. There are always jobs where you help people, there are many places you can volunteer at.
I don't know if you´ll find an answer just thinking about it. But stepping in some direction, no matter which, may be a start, for whatever is to come.

But not to be just a smart-ass, I get how you feel, and I´m sorry for that. The place you are at may be very dark indeed, although I do not see into your soul. I hope you find something to fill the void you are feeling, and circumstances or people to later reward you, and show you that you became something, rather than nothing.

 

[charlie45690]

I feel the same for me. For me the only time I can truly be myself is playing a slot machine, That sounds so sad right ?
It sucks but i know how you feel. I feel the same like my life is going nowhere.

 

[Spy]

You have to keep motivated. I know it's hard when you feel that you are alone but you absolutely need to do something rigtht now. If you are not satisfied with your life you need to change it. Not drastically but slowly, one baby step at a time.

The first thing that comes in my mind when people say they feel alone, depressed ... is training. Start training regularly. Training release chemical substances in your brain that will boost you and make you feel healthier and more positive.

So go out and start jogging or better go to a club, YMCA or other and subscribe to make you move. If you take cardio course, they are full of women so you can also make some friends along the way

Another thing is that to have a successful and rewarding life you need to go out of your confort zone regularly. I'm afraid of heights so one of the thing I tried was doing wall climbing. I was afraid but after doing it twice in the last three years, I discovered that I was happy to have done it. You can do the same thing by doing something you are not confortable with at the beginning. Try new things, new activities, new sports, meet new people, follow some courses on different subjects but spend time with a lot of people.

Keep positive. Life's problem are temporary. Once you hit the bottom you are closer than you think from the success.

Good luck and keep smiling

 

[edgecrusher]

I wouldn't feel too bad about it. That is me in a nut shell too. I do not nor have I ever really known what I want to do with myself.

I am not saying this in a negative way... but life is meaningless. I think those desperately seeking meaning are only doing so because it gives a sense of purpose. Though to me it's just a sort of complacency. It's almost false in a way. Life constantly throws things at you, there is no way to know how to maneuver through it all. Very few actually achieve what they originally set out to do or be. If you become so focused on achieving an end, you will miss the shiny awesome things along the way off to the side. I didn't come up with that, but I love it. Tim Minchin said that, not those exact words though.

It was sort of freeing in a way for me to have that sort of realization. I think the pursuit of knowledge is the best thing anyone can strive for. Doing so will mean that you will often be surprised and even sometimes bewildered by the universe. You will think you knew yourself and how you viewed things only to have it flipped on it's head because of something someone else said that made you think about it.

The hard part is getting past all the limitations that our current way of life and society puts on us. I think being consumers dependent on achieving currency is probably one of the most damaging things that we have done to ourselves as a species.

 

[Indifferent]

I'm number four or five here to agree and say we're in the same boat but that's a difficult question to answer. There isn't a better excuse to figure the question out though than simply not knowing.

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

I gave up thinking about what I want out of life a long time ago. I focus on smaller goals. To take a quote from "The Cube"

There is no conspiracy. Nobody is in charge. It's a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan.

 

[somber_radiance]

I'm grateful for everyone's input. And, it's also nice to know I'm not alone. Your words are encouraging and have helped me take small steps out of this darkness.

Another thing is that to have a successful and rewarding life you need to go out of your confort zone regularly.

This spoke to me because it's something I've forgotten about doing. I've been sitting in my comfort zone for way too long...being too content with my bubble. Freaking out at the slightest possibility of it being popped. I'd rather be the one making the choice to step out rather than being dragged out further than I can take by life.

I think being consumers dependent on achieving currency is probably one of the most damaging things that we have done to ourselves as a species.

I wholeheartedly agree. Money. I hate it, but we need it. Why have our lives become so interconnected with something we made up? The fear of losing or not being able to achieve financial independence has driven me to the brink of my breaking point one too many times.

There is no conspiracy. Nobody is in charge. It's a headless blunder operating under the illusion of a master plan.

That's a good quote.

 

[Retrospective81]

I was asked the other day what I wanted out of life. And I had no answer. That's when I realized, I want nothing. I think I've lost myself and become useless to this world. I just feel like I am in a very dark dark place right now. All alone, incredibly selfish, so tired of carrying my burdens. I am disgusted with myself. A part of me doesn't want to be in this world anymore. And the other part is wondering why I haven't taken any action yet.

Usually there's someone close to me I can talk to, but this time, there is no one I feel like seeing or talking to. I don't know what's happened to me and why I keep thinking this way.

I feel EXACTLY the same way. I want nothing or desire nothing anymore. Just to sit here and correspond with a few good people is always nice.

I've lost the desire to be part of what I consider to be a 'pointless system'. Don't want to drive, own a home or have children or get married. I did desire a family at one time but my success with women beyond a friendship is virtually 'non existant'. Especially these days.

Not that I am not grateful to the few female friends I do have online. I love them to bits. its just been so long that I lost the desire to love anyone more than a friend now.

Don't get me wrong, if you do own a home, drive a car, or are married. That's all cool and I'm happy for you. Please Don't misinterpret my views as being judgemental, I am not. I am simply saying I've lost all desire for what many would consider 'the finer things in life'.

Trying to take one day at a time and I'm happy for the few people I do correspond with on and off this forum

 

[edgecrusher]

I wholeheartedly agree. Money. I hate it, but we need it. Why have our lives become so interconnected with something we made up? The fear of losing or not being able to achieve financial independence has driven me to the brink of my breaking point one too many times.

Same here. It feels... primitive. I feel like we won't truly advance much further than we have as a species until we find a way to live without things like that.

 

[somber_radiance]

I feel EXACTLY the same way. I want nothing or desire nothing anymore. Just to sit here and correspond with a few good people is always nice.

I've lost the desire to be part of what I consider to be a 'pointless system'. Don't want to drive, own a home or have children or get married. I did desire a family at one time but my success with women beyond a friendship is virtually 'non existant'. Especially these days.

Not that I am not grateful to the few female friends I do have online. I love them to bits. its just been so long that I lost the desire to love anyone more than a friend now.

Don't get me wrong, if you do own a home, drive a car, or are married. That's all cool and I'm happy for you. Please Don't misinterpret my views as being judgemental, I am not. I am simply saying I've lost all desire for what many would consider 'the finer things in life'.

Trying to take one day at a time and I'm happy for the few people I do correspond with on and off this forum

Again, glad I'm not alone. I feel like I just wasted over 10 years of my life trying to be someone I'm not so that someone close to me could live vicariously through me, but I am failing miserably. I would have liked to go to my dream college, find my dream job, find and marry an amazing guy and then everything that came along after that...house...car..etc. But no...high school was probably my prime. I feel like I've been dying inside ever since. First it started hurting to try...now I'm at the brink of "I don't care anymore." And to hell who would grieve if something happened to me. I don't care anymore.