Last Friend Gone

[JoaKKun]

Five months ago my best, and *only* friend killed himself.

I've been aware of this forum since - well, probably about since it started? But this is the first time I actually thought of engaging with it. Suppose I thought I didn't need it.

But yeah. Now it sure does feel lonely.

I don't really have any questions. Don't really feel all that lost. But I do appreciate the chance to say it out loud. I'm alone now.

 

[okidoke]

Just saying it out aloud can make a difference. I'm sorry you lost your friend. I have very few friends or family and often am spending time alone, so I have some idea of what you mean. Don't think that you have to be alone forever though. There are various avenues to meet people who can become good friends. It's not always easy, but just know there are avenues. Just remember, there are many lonely people out there who would love a friend, so it's just a matter of finding one that fits in with your life.

 

[JoaKKun]

I think - and the crisis psychologist told me the same thing - that it would be destructive to assume you can find the same relationship again. Looking for it would end up excluding other people too quickly.

We grew up in opposite sides of the country, listening to all the same music, watching all the same obscure, stupid shows, paying attention to all the same events, enjoying/hating all the same avenues of thought. And then randomly running into each other at a bar - and then finding out we lived in the same block - and then the pandemic happened, and we just spent all that time together, barely noticing the lockdowns... It was so fundamental, and ran so deep. Met him when I was 32, and it was the first time in my life I felt safe enough to talk about the things that bothered me. First time I got to talk about the things that ripped me apart when I was a teenager. Finally got to say the things that were killing me 20 years ago. Figured there was time for all of it, as it slowly opened up.

And then one day, he was just hanging there, dangling from the ceiling, and it was all over.

*Edit: @okidoke: You seem to respond to almost everything. Have you been doing this for a long time?

 

[okidoke]

I think - and the crisis psychologist told me the same thing - that it would be destructive to assume you can find the same relationship again. Looking for it would end up excluding other people too quickly.

I agree you should be careful excluding people, but use your judgement, experience, wisely.

We grew up in opposite sides of the country, listening to all the same music, watching all the same obscure, stupid shows, paying attention to all the same events, enjoying/hating all the same avenues of thought. And then randomly running into each other at a bar - and then finding out we lived in the same block - and then the pandemic happened, and we just spent all that time together, barely noticing the lockdowns... It was so fundamental, and ran so deep. Met him when I was 32, and it was the first time in my life I felt safe enough to talk about the things that bothered me. First time I got to talk about the things that ripped me apart when I was a teenager. Finally got to say the things that were killing me 20 years ago. Figured there was time for all of it, as it slowly opened up.

It's great when we click with someone, with someone we feel safe and comfortable with.

And then one day, he was just hanging there, dangling from the ceiling, and it was all over.

It's a confronting scene. I've experienced it many times.

*Edit: @okidoke: You seem to respond to almost everything.

I respond when I think I may have something of some worth to offer, but there's many threads that I've not posted in. And if others are posting good things, I tend to hang back, maybe "like" their comment if I agree. If someone asks a question of me, I feel obliged to answer, usually.

Have you been doing this for a long time?

Doing what exactly? Giving advice? Posting on forums? Thinking I have some value?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to ALL

So sorry about your friend.

 

[Trevor]

Yeah, suicide is so horrible. Hope that you find some solace here.