Loners - Have you got a partner?

[alonelyshyboy]

Just curious; can you be a 'loner' and still have a healthy romantic relationship with someone.

I am especially interested to hear from those who have partners which tend to have much better social lives then themselves.

 

[Unacceptance]

I got out a long term relationship somewhat recently, it ended on alright terms. Part of the reason was the fact I felt totally alone even though we lived together. There were some pretty justified reasons for this, however I'm not sure you can have a completely healthy relationship if you are still somewhat of a loner.

 

[Naleena]

Just curious; can you be a 'loner' and still have a healthy romantic relationship with someone.

Well, right now I don't have a partner but, since no one has replied, I hope you don't mind. I recently broke off a four year relationship that I was in. For the most part it was because I began to feel smothered. Here is my definition of being a "loner" and the dictionary definition of autonmous.


autonomous

adjective
1. (of political bodies) not controlled by outside forces; "an autonomous judiciary"; "a sovereign state"
2. existing as an independent entity; "the partitioning of India created two separate and autonomous jute economies"
3. (of persons) free from external control and constraint in e.g. action and judgment


I believe it is possible to be autonomous AND have a healthy relationship. It's good when two people can respect each other as seperate entities. Nothing is more wearing to me than someone
who expects my every waking moment to be devoted to "us."
While I recognize the impotance of a mate and their needs/feelings (and do my best to be sensitive to that within reason) I also feel a responsibility to others out side of my little circle. Some people would be happy to live soley for each other and forget the rest of humanity. I can not.

I would like some day to have a relationship with someone who will let me live my life volunteering, working and at the end of the day come home to him a happy, fulfilled, human being. It would be even better if his heart was into making the world a better place. : )
I believe that two people can be together and that having a seperate life where they are allowed to do what fulfills them can make for a great relationship.

I have also wondered if that is even possible to attain for myself. With the relationships I have been in, I have yet to find that. The men I meet seem to want to tie themselves to me yet remained
unable to accept me as I am or worse yet, they don't support me. I am an eccentric,weird bird. I know. I accept that. Perhaps I am not wife material? I have thought this many times after my breakup. It's one of the reasons I am not dating right now.

Is it possible to be both, I think so. Is it attainable, I have faith that it is. If it never happens for me, will I be devastated and regret my life? No, never!

 

[Minus]

I would imagine that a person could have more alone time then the norm and have things be okay but to me there seems to be a conflict between how i understand the term loner and the term healthy relationship.

 

[Blue2008]

Being the loners wife I have to say it is a challenge for me to let my husband have his alone time, which can be weeks at a time. I would have to say with a lot of understanding of both persons a loner can be in a healthy relationship.
I myself even drift between wanting to be alone, then wanting to be with my husband.

 

[Katia]

I believe so.

People are naturally social creatures. Some more so than others. I consider myself a loner but I do like have interactions with other people on a daily basis, even if it is just my family.

With any relationship, it would have to have it's parameters. Like Naleena said, I could not be in a relationship with someone who would constantly want to be with me because I need time to myself to function properly. I would like, though, a person of whom I can share me ideas with. I do want to find a person that has similar morals and ideals as me. It's not that hard for me to function with one person; groups of people is different. I could see myself with one person of whom I am close with - that's really all I need.

I think it is just a matter of finding that person that fits you best. As a loner it might be harder because we are not in the social realm of the world most of the time. But it is possible.

 

[Porman]

Just curious; can you be a 'loner' and still have a healthy romantic relationship with someone.

I am especially interested to hear from those who have partners which tend to have much better social lives then themselves.

i dont think you can be a loner and have a healthy relationship, unless you have mental dissorders that make u depressed and feel lonely. In a healthy relationship you always have someone to talk to, to go out with, to spend time with on weekends, and even if your partner is the only one you associate with, its still someone. and most of the time you get close with your partners friends too.

So to be lonely and have a partner its either the relationship isnt working or your not mentally stable.

 

[Outlawstarl337]

i would say that a loner ceases to be a loner as sone as he finds a group of people or single person with whom he will stay with.

 

[alonelyshyboy]

Oh, thanks guys for all the replies...

What I really meant to ask is whether your partner accepts that you don't have many friends....

 

[Unacceptance]

A partner would have to accept that if you don't. You can't arbitrarily go out and pretend to make them.

 

[Katia]

I don't see why a partner should care.

The less friends you have means the more time you have to spend with your partner

 

[Leef `c]

This is what I'm looking for actually. I really don't like to go out with other people, but I do want to have a relationship with someone that I'm totally head over for. I miss the cuddling & companionship.

 

[Oceanmist23]

When it comes to our social lives, my partner and I are quite opposite. He's very VERY social. He always has mates to hang out with, mates to call, and he can easily make friends with new people.
Me on the other hand still has some shyness in me, and as much as I love getting to know new people I find it hard to simply figure out what to say to them. I'm not great with the chit chatter, and I think I may be lacking some "girly factor" that I'm "supposed" to have?? I have only a couple of friends, two from childhood and one ex co-worker, though for different reasons I don't get to see them often at all.
When my partner goes for a night out with his mates while I have nothing to do, it bites big time. At the same time I'm so happy for him, cos I can only imagine how great it must be to be able to do that. I know how great it is to go for a night out with just 1 friend, so going out with a group of friends, well it can't suck can it..
I know that my partner would be very happy for me if I got some friends that I could spend time with face to face. It's my sadness about feeling lonely that gets to him, the times when I will have one of my rants over the phone to him...

 

[alonelyshyboy]

Thanks for your insight Oceanmist23!!

I just worry that the reverse of your situation (shy male, social butterfly female) would not work as well.

 

[Oceanmist23]

Thanks for your insight Oceanmist23!!

I just worry that the reverse of your situation (shy male, social butterfly female) would not work as well.

Hmm well why not? To be honest I think that might work even better if the girl is very affectionate and understanding. The most important thing is that you both truly love, support and trust each other. If either of you are lacking in those areas it most likely won't work. I think the social person in the relationship has to find a balance as well. You know, be able to say to his/her mates that they're spending the evening with their partner, and the mates being mature enough to understand that and support it.
A social butterfly girl, who truly loves you, will do her best to find that balance.

And remember, it can take many relationships to find that girl. But when you do, it's so worth it

 

[alonelyshyboy]

I want to find someone to share my life with!!

 

[loketron]

wow did we get a bunch of new lonelylifers while i wasnt looking? hi katia, hi leef'c, hi lonelyshyboy, thats three on this thread page alone! welcome all!!!!!!!!!

ok so im glad someone started this thread because ive been wondering this lately. i recently found an old middle school friend of mine who got smokin hot and were tottally into each other, maybe not my girlfriend yet cuz i have nothing to offer but we like each others company.
does that mean i have to leave?
im not leaveing this forum, i love eveyone here!!!
if anything im here for moral support, when ever anyone needs me! ill be here!
lifes lookin up for me, i just need a job now (still!!)

 

[Bluey]

You can feel lonely no matter who you are. Even if your marred and have a 100 friends and 10 kids you still can feel lonely.

Plus loketron, You don't have to feel lonely to have to come here. That's just how most fined this place. Even if ppl are not lonely but just wont to chat to ppl I would hope they still would feel free to come here

Also Leef'c is aka sixteen He had a name change

 

[loketron]

thanks bluey. see i knew no one would kick me out of here!

 

[Bluey]

thanks bluey. see i knew no one would kick me out of here!

NO WAY MAN!!! You rock

Now take you prisoner lol that's another thing. *evil laughter*